Mountain Lion Strolls Onto LA High School Campus

Mountain Lion Strolls Onto LA High School Campus: Students and teachers at Los Angeles area Granada Hills High School were forced to miss their lunch break and secure themselves inside classrooms after a mountain lion strolled onto the campus. I think its a sign of the times that these cougars are now prowling high schools instead of hanging out in singles’ bars. Now I’m no wildlife expert, but I think its a pretty safe bet this cat wasn’t there to solicit contributions for the Lion’s Club. Hell, just offer him one of those new “healthy” school lunches and its guaranteed he’ll never be back there again.

Billy Joel Claims His Drinking Problems Stem From 911: In a recent interview, singer Billy Joel claims he doesn’t really have a drinking problem and that any issues he’s had with drinking are related to the 9/11 attacks. Not to be outdone, Charlie Sheen is blaming his cocaine addiction on listening to Bing Crosby’s “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” as a child.

Sarah Palin Says Bill Nye is Not a Real Scientist: While promoting her new film “Climate Hustle,” Sarah Palin said that Science Guy Bill Nye “is about as much of a scientist as I am.” On the other hand, I suppose Bill Nye could make the argument that “Sarah Palin is about as much of a Governor as I am.”

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