New iPhones to Map Faces for Authentication and 3-D

New iPhones to Map Faces for Authentication and 3-D: Apple is rumored be working on a controversial new camera designed to map your face in 3-D for the purpose of facial recognition. Yea — and good luck with that! Hell, as it is, Siri suddenly turns into Helen Keller almost every time I ask it something. And what’s with the 3-D pics anyway? Do they think our current, regular selfies aren’t narcissistic enough?

More People Getting News From the Web: Last year, for the first time in history, more people reported getting their news from the internet than from a physical newspaper. All I can say is, let’s hope this doesn’t mean people are gonna start spanking their misbehaving dogs with their computers now instead of a newspaper.

Police OK With Russian Teen Auctioning Virginity: An 18-year-old Russian teenager who successfully sold her virginity to the highest bidder ($37,000) through an online auction site has been given the go-ahead by police to seal the deal. So I suppose that means if you’re ever stopped by the cops for being with a hooker, you can just tell them “oh, this is just a little something I picked up at the auction.”