Western Men’s Sperm Counts Halved in Last 40 Years

Johnny Robish
Jul 26, 2017 · 2 min read

Western Men’s Sperm Counts Halved in Last 40 Years: Research indicates sperm counts among Western men have been reduced by more than half in the last 40 years, and scientists are struggling to determine why. Frankly, I’m less curious about what’s causing the drop as I am to know just who the hell’s been doing the counting all this time.

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Penis Pumps Cost Government $172 Million: The Department of Health and Human Services reports that Medicare spent $172.4 million on 474,000 claims for vacuum erection systems (penis pumps) for senior citizens from 2006 to 2011. Well, I guess that’s one way to “pump” cash into a “limp” economy.

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Trump Says He’s More Presidential Than Anyone Except Lincoln: At a recent campaign-style rally in Ohio, President Donald Trump claimed he could act more “presidential” than any previous White House occupant, with the exception of Abraham Lincoln. Yea, and I’m much more Christ-like than that guy in the beard. Only losers get crucified. Of course while I’m no doctor, it appears that syphilis has really started to do its job quite well!

Johnny Robish

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Actor and Humor writer. My motto: Cleveland wasn't built in a day. It just looks that way!

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