How To Start Your Own Biker Gang
Just like the “real outlaws”
So you loved watching Sons of Anarchy and thought: “Hmmm… that looks cool. I want to be in a Biker Gang.”
Well now you’re in luck. I’ll give you an easy and straightforward method to make your own biker gang, live out your armchair fantasy, and be the envy of your country club.
First things first…
Know Your History
To talk the talk, or rather, ride the ride, you need to know some of the rich history of outlaw bikers. Being a good one-percenter is as important as choosing which soundsystem you want to install on your shiny new bike.
One-percenters are members of an “outlaw” motorcycle gang. The one percent thing comes from their belief that 99% of all motorcyclists are law abiding citizens but the rest are outlaws.
By far, the most recognizable 1%er motorcylcle gang is The Hells Angels. The Hells Angels are THE biker gang. They had movies, books, and documentaries made about them. Even the Rolling Stones hired The Hells Angels to serve as security at their infamous Altamont concert.
According to OnePercenterBikers.com, there are 111 separate 1% motorcycle clubs. Along with The Hells Angels, rounding out the top four 1%ers are The Pagans, The Outlaws and The Bandidos.
One-percenters are all about rebellion. In Hunter S. Thompson’s amazing book Hells Angels, the one-percenters were outlaws. According to HST’s portrayal, Hells Angels lived only by their rules and to hell with everyone else.
Things have changed since the 60s. For example, the Hells Angels was an outlaw biker gang in the 60s but is now an S-Corp. I guess the boardroom is now the biker shack of the 60s.
If you’re still interested in being an outlaw, here are the steps for you to form your very own 1%er outlaw biker gang.
Get a Unique Name
All gangs need a badass name. And coming up with something that represents you and how badass you think you are isn’t as easy as you think.
Use an online bike gang name generator. It’s easy.
Business Entity
Once you get your badass biker gang name. It’s time to make it official. Within your respective state of origin, search to see if your new biker gang name isn’t already taken. For example, in California, Hells Angels is already taken and registered as an S-Corp.
And it’s a good idea to stear clear of similar names of other biker gangs. I would suggest not choosing Hells Yeah Angels or Hells Angles, etc.. Because, well, you know, they are a biker gang and wouldn’t take too kindly spoofing their name.
Once you have your unique biker gang/business entity name, it’s time to register it. Again, register it online and your golden.
Pro tip: most of the badass biker clubs are listed as LLC. But if you’re planning on using your brand to go into retail like The Hells Angels, do what the angels did and get listed as an S-Corp. You’d still be a badass but you’ll be able to give out profit sharing and dividends.
Copyright/Trademarks
Now that you have your biker gang/business name. You’ll have to come up with unique branding. Branding is THE most important aspect of every criminal/business enterprise. If you screw this up, you’ll be toast.
There are those that would recommend working with a quality UI designer but I recommend using this nifty online brand generator.
Pro tip: Choose your colors and logo wisely. If you choose similar colors of established biker gangs, they won’t take too kindly and either curb your head or, in the case of the Hells Angels, have one of their corporate lawyers sue you over trademark infrigement. In either case, it won’t be pretty.
Online Presence
Since you have your business setup and brand all set, you need to grab your domain name, twitter, and facebook accounts setup. It’s smart to cover Instagram too, since I’m sure you’ll be snapping selfies while you’re riding from town to town, raping and pilaging along the way.
Pro tip: Stay away from .net or .info for your domain names. Try and stay with .com or .org, there isn’t any badass biker gang with a .info domain name.
Look The Part
Now that you’re all setup with your shiny new biker gang, put your badasss 1% attitude to work and get yourself a good look. You’re going to have to have the right look and Amazon seems to be the place for all your biker gang needs.
Sleeveless Jean/Leather Jacket
Embroidered Patches for your Jean Jacket
Boots
Boots are not only a safety issue, they are also a good fashion statement. Boot identify you as a man that owns the road.
Some things to should consider when buying biker gang boots.
- Black. As much as Gale/Brown color will look good at the country club, black is the safest color. It goes with everything.
- Waterproof. It’s not waterproof — it’s blood-proof too. So when you’re in a turf war and you curb kick someone, the blood will bead off.
- You can adorn your boot with chains and flare, as they are optional. It’s not advisable, unless you’re biker gang is going to be LGBT friendly.
Tattoos
Don’t have any tatoos? Not to worry. You can get a sleeve to go with your sleeveless denim jacket. You can always remove it for your next country club social.
Helmet
Sure the Peter Fonda’s of the world like to have their long wavy hair blowing in the air. But by now, you’re not 22 anymore and have more hair growing out of your ears than on your head. You’ll need to get something to stop you from getting carcinoma on your bald head. So go ahead and get some half-finger gloves with half-head helmets. When you fall, you’re not going to survive, so go with the fashion thing.
The Bike
The one rule for 1%ers is: Harley Davidson. Who cares if they are moving their production out of the US. They represent the iconic 1% spirit. They ride hard, they are as loud as hell, and they are easy to fix on the side of the road. No true 1%er would own a Honda Goldwing, no matter how nice they cruise.
Pro tip: When you show up at a biker bar in anything other than a Harley, expect the Pee-Wee Herman treatment.
Now go get rolling.
johnny t is the author of The Serial Killer Quote of the Day available from Strawberry Books.
