Five things all CEOs have in common.

We canvassed America’s leading CEOs. Here’s what we discovered.

They say it’s lonely at the top. Being CEO means making tough decisions, embracing change, and leading your team into uncharted territory. But when we met with some of the country’s top execs we found some remarkable similarities. Here are five things all CEOs have in common:

A nice office.

The first thing that struck us was the offices. Every CEO has a very nice office. It really hits home how important they are to the company. The offices have interesting books and a couch.

A Centurion Card.

Every CEO has a Centurion Card by American Express. In a purchase situation, this ultra-exclusive card is a great way to let people know you are a CEO without explicitly telling them.

An Executive Assistant.

The Executive Assistant is like a nanny for the CEO. Thanks to the Executive Assistant the CEO isn’t late for things, doesn’t have to get his own lunch, and can stay focused on business.

A very snazzy suit.

Every CEO has a really great suit - often several suits. The suits are tailored to their exact body dimensions, making them fit very well. Paired with a sophisticated tie and a pricey wristwatch, the overall effect is impressive.

A penis.

Talk about destined for success. It seems the business world favors those born with a penis. The adjoining testicles produce testosterone, which lends the CEO his deep soothing voice and outstanding business acumen.

And while we didn’t measure the penises, we did notice that many of the CEOs were over six feet tall!

John is a creative director, Thought Leader and amateur business analyst.