EU can’t always get what you want

By the time you read this, you’ll probably either be wearing a hat made of tin foil preparing for life under Prime Minister Nigel Farage where smoking is compulsory/ racism optional or have decided that the occasional Brussels missive about the shape of bananas is preferable to another war.

I’m sorry I can’t be with you as I have pressing engagement with the French Alps, a nice restaurant and some R&R during the Euros down time. I’m sure that you’ll all have done the right thing. If not, then in the words of Malcolm Tucker, “Fuckety-Bye-Bye”.

There are a few things wrong with Europe but the alternative is essentially sitting on the outside of a cool party like the guys in my youth who’d fetch up, head straight for the kitchen, recite Monty Python sketches and get drunk on half a lager. I’d rather be in the living room, thank you, being rejected by all the good looking women in favour of my handsome pal Jim.

On today’s train journey to Evian-les-bains from Lyon, we skirted around a country on the edge of the EU but if we’re out, we’d be no Switzerland. The papers in France are full of “Brexit or Non-Brexit:”, a little reminder that we’re not just voting for our own future no matter what the Leavers think. This is a massive gamble which shouldn’t be repeated. Referendums are ten a penny these days and there’s a risk we’ll really fuck one up before too long.

As someone who used to cover politics for a living, I am baffled how we got here. Life isn’t bad for the majority in the UK but instead of fixing things for the minority who need help, we seem to want to blow everything up – metaphorically of course – and start again but without any safety net. It’s like we suffered. a swollen ankle from playing too much football and decided amputation was the best treatment.

The problem we need to solve is why people are attracted to “amputation’. Simple, detail free solutions are the stock in trade of Farage, Trump and co but in recent times they’ve appealed to more than just the usual loons. There’s no doubt that trust in politicians has fallen but these “outsiders” are also politicians. Saying you hate Labour because Tony Blair took us into war with Iraq is fine but then finding Boris Johnson attractive as PM doesn’t make any sense. Which is why, to paraphrase the great Donald Trump, we need to halt this until we figure out ‘what the hell is going on”.

Each generation of politicians usually has some big new hope waiting in the wings but the names suggested so far don’t inspire me. Most have no real new agendas but just look different or have aninteresting back story. Where are the ideas? Who is genuinely proposing something new and challenging? And wearing a tie isn’t enough.

It looks like Remain will win. Leave with be left bereft. That makes sense. Whatever happens , I’m leaving the EU tomorrow. Lunch in Lausanne. I’ll let you know if life outside the evil empire is all it’s cracked up to be.

Update: I was wrong. Britain, sorry England & Wales, voted out. We’ve fucked it up.

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