I truly have no idea how to start this. I’m not even sure why I am doing this, but I guess I have the need to tell my story.
Who am I? What a great question. Not even I know the answer, but I can tell you about what inspires me, the experiences I had in life that define me, whether they’re good, bad or even painful. Yes, I got a lot of those.
Everything started 19 years ago when I was born? My “baby-is-OK” index was waaaay below the normal, so I was kind of “dead” on arrival. The story says that I was quickly taken by the medics and reanimated. Yes, I was getting punished by life already in the first seconds of this adventure. Funny, huh?
I was a… fat baby. My mom tells me I was the fattest baby in the room, and probably one of the fattest babies ever in that maternity. I should’ve tried to get on Guinness, dammit!
I was loved. Much loved, specially by my mom. She was, and still is, always there when I need her. I’m a man now, but I’m a baby-man. I don’t regret it, I never will, say what you or others say. This is me, you can’t try to define me. Maybe this will change some day, but until then, I will happily be like so.
I had many other loves during my life, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t the most popular kid in school, at all, I was quite anti-social but I could still love, even though they didn’t even notice me. I was there, I always was.
School? Oh yeah, school. I was a beast before 7th grade, best grades, teachers loved me (and I loved them, and I still do those who marked my life), and then, it all got destroyed, maybe by hormones or something in those lines, guess I was growing up? That affected me a lot. I started seeing life in a very different way, and let me tell you, not a bright one.
When I got into high school, I took a choice on the area I was going to follow. I regret it so much later. It just didn’t enthusiasm me, talking about plants, the human body… I was miserable.
One of the only things that kept me “alive” and sane was Aurora. I didn't know how special she was at the time, I hadn't learned much about her, I would only listen to her few deep, sad songs and those helped me a lot. I would feel sad but still so hopeful, grateful.
And then life struck me again.
I was hospitalized, for quite some time (almost 1 month) due to an issue with my stomach. Thankfully, my mom was there 99% of the time. It was horrible, yes. I couldn’t eat for most of the time, I had to be fed through my veins, I could hardly talk, but it changed me so much. For the better.
The day I got out of the hospital, I was so… weird. Like I was drugged, walking on the clouds, dreaming even. Everything looked so much more beautiful, inspiring, alive… meaningful. I looked out the car window and I saw the usual stuff in a way I never did before. The trees were so much more beautiful, the leaves were unique, independent, each one with their unique color and shape. The wind was strong, fast, moving through the leaves and everything else gloriously. It was like I was new to this world.
I started seeing things in a very different way, thanks to this experience and Aurora. I started giving a lot more value to life, people, even me. I remember those times not with pain, but with respect, thankfulness. I met amazing people, even though they were sick, or even the nurses, one in special that always made me smile when she visited me, talking about how she would get home, turn the blinds down and just sleep since she worked many hours. She was just so positive, always smiling, a true inspiration, one that I will carry on for the rest of my life.
After that time out of school, my grades kept falling even more. My mom ended up talking with the school, and got me a course change mid-term to a programming one. I was so happy, I barely thought “Is this the path I really want to take?”.
Steve Jobs once said, when he spoke in front of Stanford students, something in the lines of “Look at yourself every morning in the mirror, and ask yourself: if this was your last day, would you do what you’re about to do today? If the answer was no multiple times, then something had to change.” and something had to change, indeed.
It wasn’t all nice and flowers, I had to put a ton of effort to compensate for what I didn’t learn with the others, but I did it. I did it, and I was happy. It was probably one of the best feelings I’ve ever had: managing to catch up with all the others, not getting behind, at all. That year and all the other ones, I was a top student. Not without effort, but damn, it felt good, seeing your effort compensated and more than that, being happy doing it.
Meanwhile, Aurora had just released her first album and holy! Every single one of the songs, written when she was 9, 12, 17, or any other age was just so powerful. She’s the only musician who can make me feel her words, her emotions and associate those with mine. Her music has meaning.
Today, I look at the smallest things in life, be it big or small flowers, the rocks on the ground, the wind, the sun, trees, silence. I found peace because of Aurora. Can music be this powerful? Can her words, the way she speaks, the aura she has be this incredible? She’s just so ethereal.