Let’s begin
I think I just meditated?
Getting into a routine and practicing self-discipline might be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I’ve spent years supporting children with developmental disabilities who are in crisis to find routine, I’ve been figure skating for almost 20-years and have spent much of my professional time working with complex learning groups, and for a decade I’ve been practicing (for 6 years I’ve been teaching) yoga and meditation. It would seem that I’m over-qualified to create a system for getting myself into an effective work routine but I think of the phrase “those who can’t do, teach” when it comes to my own daily regulation.
Comparing our personal capabilities to the work that we do seems to be the next level to comparing ourselves with other people. I see it as another layer to what’s become known as “imposter syndrome” where we don’t just feel unqualified to do the work that we do, but we know the full expression of what we’re capable of and feel like we’re not meeting it. At least this is how I feel much of the time.
When we use our own professional experience, knowledge, and relationships as a reference point for “how well we’re doing”, we’re really just participating in a dressed up version of comparing ourselves with “other”. And it prevents us from seeing the whole picture of where we are, what we’re doing, and who we’re being. Without noticing, we’re actively disorienting ourselves from reality.
I’m not here to write about all the ways we’re doing it wrong. I’m writing to remind us all (probably myself, mostly) that the path to our full expression isn’t in magically finding a way to be all that we’ve ever been and are capable of being. It’s to dare to be right where we are, right now, and to choose from what we already have in order to take each and every next step. Using myself as an example: this means knowing that at one point in my life I was meditating with deep clarity for 45 minutes every morning but letting myself sit for 10 minutes with the busiest brain and fidgeting eyes and still calling this meditation. It means knowing 50 ways to improve a schedule and improve self-discipline and beginning with only one or two.
Especially during this time when there’s a study for every possible way we may want to improve ourselves, it can be difficult to listen to ourselves instead. But it’s the only way that we’ll ever actually become who we want to be. Instead of recalling all of what we know, we must recall the values and relationships to what we know and have experienced.
Overall, part of our personal growth is less about the tactics we’re using, and more about our transitions in and out of “the work”. We must begin to learn more about how we operate than about what we’re operating with. How many of us have blamed a bad day on the morning commute or spilled coffee? There’s truth to this and it applies to bigger scales of personal development than just the daily grind.
As another example, I feel like I am capable of writing a lot better than I am in this piece. I also know that as I’m writing this I have a lot of work to get done for other people. All of this could be reason for me to not share my writing and even to end it before beginning. However, I also know that I get restless if I don’t spend time getting my own word out and my confidence in my work for other people improves drastically when I’ve given myself the time to play with my own craft and creativity. We often think if “self-care” with regards to physical and spiritual exercise but what about self-care with regards to taking the time be just who we are?
This is particularly why I used the example of meditation in the beginning. Because even when we’re practicing “self-care” it’s too easy to size ourselves up to what could be or to what is recommended—not to what’s real.
So to wrap this up, I have two recommendations:
One: Always begin with nothing. Whether it’s making breakfast, meditating, or just getting dressed, begin completely fresh. This is different than the commonly prescribed “begin where you are” which can still lead us to look at what’s around us—the “I’m here not there”. It’s incredible to realize how much we can weigh ourselves down just by starting the day with “is this breakfast healthy enough?”, “I woke up late and now only have 5 minutes to meditate”, “If I had done laundry I’d have a better outfit to wear today!”. By beginning with nothing we can put food into our bodies, gain 5 minutes to meditate, and put on clothes that are worthy of being in our closet because at one time we decided to buy them.
Two: Know when to step away. This one is difficult for me as, like I mentioned in this writing, I can find many excuses for shutting down work that’s important to me. But “getting shit done” isn’t the same as discipline. If we’re staring at a project, whether it’s on a computer screen or a stage or work bench, and we’re forcing ourselves to not look away because of flooding thoughts of “it’s not good enough” or “you could do better” or “you’ll never get this done” then walking away isn’t abandoning our work, it’s abandoning a thought process and past behavior that’s only going to hold us back. I can’t be the only one who has forced myself to keep working only to accomplish nothing after 4 hours all because of thoughts like these. Just like practicing the work can help us learn better ways of doing, practicing letting go can help us learn more about our relationship to our work. We might find that 10 minutes of stretching will get us back on track. We might realize that a 5:00 margarita with friends will bring a tomorrow that’s more productive than any strategy or plan ever could.
