Rising To The Challenge: A Silly Story

Getting Sir John Falstaff out of bed calls for a cunning plan

(with apologies to William Shakespeare)

Pistol and Nym rang the bell on Sir John’s door but got no response. They followed this with many knocks and kicks, but answer came there none.

Given their wide experience as thieves and housebreakers it did not take them long to find a way in and they were soon standing by Sir John’s bedside. A huge lump under the bedclothes gradually rose and fell and a noise not unlike that of a medium-sized outboard motor issued from the bearded object at one end that was Sir John’s head. On the floor were at least a dozen empty beer bottles, the contents of which had clearly proceeded down the hole from which now issued the aforementioned noise.

During the previous evening at the Boar’s Head, which had also involved the ingestion of much alcohol, Sir John had told his friends about his plan to have his wicked way with two married women in Windsor. The plan involved Pistol and Nym taking love messages to the two wives, after which Sir John would turn up and turn on the charm.

Pistol and Nym weren’t so keen on the idea, but they reckoned that it would be a bit of a laugh to see their fat friend trying it on with two highly respected ladies of the…