Poetry Collection On Pilgrimage

So I am a poet, exploring the healing power of poetry, I am travelling through Mexico writing, reflecting and making videos of poets along the way. I am taking a pilgrimage to delve into poetry, the land here and sharing the outcome. Here is a collection of all the poems. I have been writing much about the power of silence, plant medicine, teachings from plant ceremonies and my struggles and realisations on the road. I am now based in tulum Mexico holding POETRY FLOW CIRCLES to help poets unlock their true expression. Fusing ceremony and poetry together.

Melodies Taken — Feb 2017- Tulum Mexico

 the melodies,
 are handled by the sea,
 splashing chorus,
 and symphonies.
 the lyrics are written,
 in the sand,
 in the sure lines,

Bigger than me.
 The pages are already full,
 like horizons in the dawn.
 My songs are already taken,
 I am just one beat in them,
 with no ending.
 Some days are just for listening.

Who Catches Mothers — Jan 2017 Tulum

Tonight I had a dream,

A hard dream,

That can’t be forgotten.

I dreamt you died,

My mother,

I split from her,

My lover,

And my world came,

crumbling down.

With no one to catch me.

And hard I fell,

Into my shadows,

Into insane vulnerability,

Into poverty,

Into a life

Of no advice,

Or reaffirming,

Of your nurturing hands,

My mothers wings,

Words well lived,

Sorting everything.


one step at a time,

You would tell me.

Who cares for money.

On top I was going to prison,

For stealing,

Facing a place,

Of no survival,

Like fresh meat,

To hungry carnivores,

And I am vegetarian,

Light breeze,

In a thunderstorm.

But I was poor,

And hungry.

I guess these,

Are all the fears,

that lay inside me.

And I am left awake,

A sleep away,

Tears down my face,

With you,

My mother,

Silently calling me home,

Whilst your strong.

How sad,

To be weak,

With no daughter.

How sad to not be with my love,

Building a new life of laughter.

I am left in my loves arms,

Playing out the worst,

Realising some day this time,

May come,

When we are lost daughters,

Swimming around each other,

Like Puddles,

Finding our way to the river,

To the ocean.

Time may come when,

The world gets ripped out,

Under your feet,

With just me,

And the memories of your smile,

Words and lightness,

I will grip for dear life,

You have been a light,

and I fear,

That when you die,

I will do nothing but cry.

And you respond,

No need to be so heavy,

I am strong and happy.

You are a warrior,

You came from me.

I write this poem for you,

My mother,

To thank you for being,

A great women,


Catching me all these years,

The world has been a kinder place,

With you around.

Late night chats,

Heart Brocken.

I am sure you know what this means,

You have been a daughter,

And I forgot this,

Who caught you,

When you were crying,


The rest of this poem,

Is a space for your story.

On my own Dec 2016 — Tulum Mexico

No one around,
 Holding my hand,
 Telling me where to go,
 What to do,
 How much?
 Lover mother gone,
 No directions.
 I’ve been the little one,
 For too long.
 I just waved her off,
 Into the unknown,
 She whispers in my ear,
 Like the last time,
 Let life unfold.
 Have faith,
 It’s going to be okay,
 Just focus on giving,
 Smile and enjoy.
 Let people be who they are,
 Let people help you.
 Believe in yourself.
 It felt like gold dust,
 The amalgamation,
 Of her life’s lessons,
 Pouring quickly,
 from the back 
 Of a taxi.
 Akward last minute hugs,
 I take photographic memories,
 Incase she leaves me.
 Cute like a creature,
 Soft and prickly,
 Screwed up faces,
 Scratching at the window,
 The traffics slow,
 And I walk next to them,
 Tongues poke out,
 Miming I love you.
 Gratitude keeps moving,
 my feet along,
 I wish she stays strong,
 We can play some more.
 I like her,
 My family,
 Sure their grumpy,
 And high in etiquette,
 And smoke like chimneys,
 But they are sweet like faerys,
 On the edges of society,
 They stand for truth,
 And stay light hearted.
 When I think of them,
 I remember hand made camps,
 Permanently erected,
 With full permission,
 Easy living,
 Under the sun,
 Surrounded by chaos,
 Shouting neibours,
 We don’t get down.
 We get on with it,
 Chat over fences,
 Silly nonsense,
 Share seeds,
 And cabbages.
 When I think of them,
 I see her pulling faces,
 Silly childish,
 Rebellious poses,
 Hiding behind roses,
 In sparkly red slippers,
 Rambling on,
 No body really listens.
 I tried listening,
 This time,
 To her witty remarks,
 Interrupting visions,
 About why there’s a devision,
 Blaming the Normans.
 She recites her conversation,
 Over your drama,
 About her chat with the plants,
 Questioning religion.
 My sisters impersonating crazy,
 Twisting fingers near the brain.
 If she’s crazy,
 Then so am I,
 I get her.
 I never want her to be a blur,
 Poems with no breathe,
 Someday she will go,
 And the world,
 Will miss her,
 Speak of her,
 Like myths and monsters,
 Just like Janet.
 And I will need to drag myself along,
 Lift myself up,
 Keep chilled,
 And real,
 And giving.
 It’s raining,
 I am heading to the sea,
 Bus full of strangers..
 She whispers to me,
 Friends yet to meet.
 Make an effort,
 A song, be merry,
 Make random noises,
 Free as you are,
 We all know lonely,
 And look out for others,
 In empathy.

Silence is my medicine — Dec 2016

Identity melts,
 In a new land,
 Words disappear,
 Along with who I am.
 I cant listen,
 Or share,
 I am bare,
 I become noise,
 And reaction,
 And expressions.
 And I need to get use to it,
 As a Mexican,

Without poems,
 And being heard.
 People speak,
 It’s musical,
 I watch and nod. 
 Stripped away,
 I follow their movements,
 And intentions.
 Take a guess.
 Like a moving painting.
 Space and time melt away,
 Cities melt away,
 Winters melt away,
 Limbs and hands flying,
 And I start to feel invisible.
 Listen to the souls,

Sink into what is,
 The ocean.
 And sometimes,
 I meet creatures,
 And animals,
 And they show me
 How to relax.
 Wouldn’t it be nice,
 To just role on your back,
 In front of a stranger,
 Sit on laps.
 I never looked so much,
 Seen people so deeply.
 Humans are strange,
 Aren’t we.
 Habits and seeking,
 Giving receiving.
 I keep my head down,
 Some mornings,
 Dream to be involved,
 I quite like the silence,
 The language beyond language.
 The simple touch,
 The occasional meeting.

Yes to Humanness — Nov 2016 Guatemala

Take a risk,
 Yes to humanness.
 Tell the story about,
 How you had Ayahuasca
 That’s a funny one. 
 How you got stuck all night,
 In a fight, 
 Deciding if you believe,
 in human life.
 How you saw everyone,
 as reptilians,
 Alluring you to rejoice,
 or resign the human mind,
 For the expanse of the earth,
 And all life.
 How the time for me had come,
 Or for us to rise.
 The medicine felt,
 Like it has an Intelligence,
 Greater than mine.
 Like a living, spreading entity,
 Controlling our beings,
 And taking over minds.
 I got stuck in a loop,
 Of ultimatum,
 Human or reptilian?
 Light or dark?
 Good or bad?
 A matter of fact.
 They seemed nice,
 Deep healing intentions,
 To bring the earth back,
 With restoration.
 Bit zombie like.
 Humans do seem to be causing,
 a lot of destruction,
 At the expense of just comfort.
 There eyes do seem to be glowing,
 Warrior like.
 And everyone has been talking about,
 Conscious expansion,
 Maybe this is the end,
 of my confusion,
 The beginning of breaking illusion.
 Or am I enslaved,
 Infused in the brain,
 By spirits,
 Knocked off my path,
 Or is this a test to remain?
 Something inside of me fights,
 About giving up my life,
 To be of service,
 A collective mind.
 There is sacrifice.
 No partners, self expression,
 No me or mine.
 I’ve been warned about entities,
 and reptilians,
 Dominating this earth,
 That we are the last teacher,
 It’s time for love to birth.
 I felt much loss,
 And sadness,
 At the idea,
 Humans won’t last.
 I remember I was birthed like this,
 And my mission,
 Was to uplift,
 And I can’t loose myself now.
 I agree there is a small minority,
 Of people living outside the system,
 Sharing their hearts wisdom,
 But it’s growing,
 Maybe not fast enough,
 So I wonder is this what is best,
 For the universe?
 You can imagine my state of mind,
 Through it all, I choose the light.
 So what,
 I may die!
 But preciousness is human life,
 And maybe you are not a reptilian,
 Maybe I am just holding on to my mind.
 But I was born human,
 For some reason,
 So I stand up this night,
 Stumble out the temple,
 In the dark,
 Just I. 
 Death feels close,
 Like they could just wipe my mind.
 And disperse of me.
 But they are kind,
 And leave me to my own making.
 To live or die.
 I see panthers and spiders,
 In the forest,
 They say you shouldn’t go outside.
 But I can’t bear to be alluded,
 With the music all night.
 A sweet voice sings,
 Under moon light,
 A feminine mother,
 Blows on my light.
 And I choose to return.
 And catch some sleep,
 But the shaman,
 Louden’s his beats,
 And stamping feet,
 Near my head.
 What does he want from me?
 I can not give up my heart,
 Even though I know the ego,
 Doesn’t serve,
 I am left angry,
 Am I left behind.
 I laugh my way out of insanity,
 Everyone seems post happy.
 Following days,
 Paranoiyer makes way,
 And I need to ground myself,
 Make sense of the teachings.
 It was so real,
 But It can not be put in words.
 I feel ignorant.
 I say yes to humanness,
 But I can’t forget,
 The intelligence,
 The simple fact,
 We’re not evolved,
 And there’s a possibility,
 We have sleeping souls.
 And I just know how to sing,
 And write poems.
 So I beg of you,
 To tune,
 And deeply be amused,
 By our patterning,
 Put light on ourselves,
 Destruction is happening,
 And love is the answer,
 Embody it,
 Make it last.
 I shake the sleeping love,
 I tell you,
 We are strong,
 It’s possible one day,
 The ego won’t belong.
 And we may be outgrown,
 At the rate we evolve.
 So love,
 Lift your veil of crap,
 And step into nothingness.
 One foot on the earth,
 One foot above,
 Now is the time,
 To embody love, 
 bring spirit to earth.
 If we don’t,
 Something else might.
 Gathering tribes,
 Awaken your minds.
 We’re here on this planet,
 To keep hope,
 Expand and nurture,
 All life.
 You know there is a bigger you,
 Loving, true.
 They shook my hand and said good luck,
 I thank the grandmother,
 And take my chance.
 Back me up.
 I feel my hands with seeds,
 Clear the water,
 Make peace.
 Connect my feet,
 To this great mystery,
 And share all I know,
 Call deeply,
 To the heart of humanity,
 To wake and see the sun,
 The wind, the rain,
 Dance through you.
 Giving you your breathe,
 Your freedom.
 To kiss,
 To hold, to write,
 Jazz songs in summer time.
 Trees and oxygen,
 Forests and oceans,
 Gives life in your lungs.
 We cut the trees,
 We pollute the seas,
 Rape the soil,
 There’s no we.
 Listen to the connection,
 We’re interwoven,
 Think next time you put petrol,
 Or buy from the shop,
 Chemical foods,
 Creates infections.
 Open your heart,
 Feel hard,
 Find your service.
 In every moment give love,
 Even if you don’t have a purpose.
 Speak words, or draw pictures,
 Plant seeds, set kids free,
 Or pass this,
 With the intention,
 In unity we start dancing.

SILENCE IS MY SOURCE — San Cristobal, Mexico Nov 2016
 Poem written In Mexico — San Cristobal 2016

Some times the birds talk to me,
 They are translators of light.
 Words in sound.
 I write without stopping,
 And at the end I read,
 And find the sense.
 I look for the currents,
 Words run like wáter.
 Much silence.
 I dont write poetry,
 I feel poetry,
 Life is poetry.
 I dont care about the quantity,
 Sometimes I just find,
 one Word,
 A phase,
 In pages.
 The silence is my source,
 It is never an effort,
 to write poetry.

This poem is inspired by a women I met on my travels across Mexico.
 She is a local poet using poetry and art to empower women and childrens lives.
 I asked her how poetry heals, and what is her process to write poetry. She inspired me as she shares she writes whilst looking at the sun, to write light. She told me i use to use poetry to fight political issues, now I am becoming the poetry, the vibration I choose.

Should I stay or go? Nov 2016 Guatemala

My Mosquito bitten,
 Travelling legs,
 Yawning heart,
 Now Calm,
 They rest,
 In a paid bed.
 Cross legged,
 In a mothers nest.
 Seven months in Mexico,
 A million tests.
 Tears dry,
 I gave my best.

I scratch at the safety net,
 Drenched in newness,
 My Loves gone,
 Is it time for home?
 Or time to keep going,
 Getting strong.

The feel of safe silk trousers,
 A gift,
 I place on.
 A victory flag,
 A finish line,
 A rag to gag,
 My adult life,
 Or a sister swaying me back,
 In time.
 Double edged knife.

I can not live off a song,
 Begging for abundance,
 For that long.
 Can’t stand,
 Cheeks that turn,
 Empty scripts,
 To Allure them.

Its hard to know,
 It’s not easy,
 Learning to flow,
 To travel.
 To collect the coins,
 And jump the system.
 It’s not easy,
 Walking wordless,
 Wearing worn t-shirts,
 Spelling victim.

I’m tired,
 Under the noise,
 And Mexican passion,
 Cut tongue,
 My Spanish is not strong.
 I’m like a rose,
 With no petals,
 In the sun,
 Wedged in her anger,
 Deep in her wrong,
 Days passed,
 Pockets rotting.
 Forgetting winter.
 Hearing whispers,
 Water exists only,
 In the london regions.
 I could convince myself,
 But I know,
 I have been waiting,
 my whole life,
 To be brave,
 To break being a slave,
 Too convenience…

I remember a man,
 Told me don’t be stupid,
 But live in the moment.
 Sometimes we need to rest,
 And respond,,
 To what’s best.
 Now I feel,
 Independence scratching,
 Long nails at my chest,
 Down my spine,
 East or west.
 My shoes are worn down,
 From walking on the same,
 Life line.

How can I say I lived my life?
 Following in her shadow,
 On the surface I lie.
 Squinting my eyes,
 Underwater blurs,
 Hands point back at me,
 Trust inside.
 Fears linger,
 I’m hesitant.
 To trip and fall,
 And loose myself,
 In myself,
 In crowds,
 Of me.

Do I fail myself,
 To return,
 Or do I carry on?
 Live the dream,
 Am I just suffering?
 Avoiding awkward,
 Lonely nothing?
 A mothers love,
 A sisters ear,
 Puts blindness into vision.
 Wraps isolation,
 And rejection,
 Into safety.
 Mutes thunderstorms,
 And drags the sun,
 Across oceans.
 Should I stay or should I go?
 Live my life,
 Or rest back home?
 Her love is gone,
 A Christmas cheers,
 Some friends to hold,
 Or to fight my fears.

Silence Creeps

Silence creeps,
 like crabs secretly,
 pinching me, 
 leaving tracks,
 up my back.
 Memories stick to me like sand, 
 little grains, in my bed, 
 as I toss and turn. 
 I wake,
 I’m drenched in the ocean, 
 a step away,
 salty taste,
 hard waves,
 back into being.
 Knocking me over,
 off my center,
 wonky grins.
 I’ve learnt how to swim,
 through the tired,
 The fight for no reason.
 It takes me from my sure. 
 To new horizons.
 People the size of dots,
 kicking balls,
 kicking away life,
 my family sit waiting,
 Im waiting,
 Hanging clothes,
 That are drying,
 indoorsn hidden,
 like unfinished lessons,
 calling for the sun.
 I am blessed to be human.
 Silence creeps, 
 sea reflects me,
 and I stand here waiting,
 burning my self away,
 just breathing,
 in and out,
 and moons,
 and silent poems,
 dropping from the sky,
 at night,
 like stars,
 venus lonely.

SPIRITUAL BUSINESS (© Joie de Winter) Dec 2016 Mexico
 How can I help you?
 Chakra rising,
 Hot Stone miming.
 Yoga flipping,
 Tantric stripping.
 I sell you, you.
 Mirrors passed back and forth.
 Past masks we dropped,
 collasped but in truth.
 You glow fierce,
 messy in light.
 Imperfect, full of releasing lies.
 just lessons. Watch out,
 spiritual consumerism,
 is about.
 Sit still, listen. 
 All you need to know is
 You already know.
 You know life brings lessons.
 To rip us open,
 To help clear are karma,
 For some reason.
 We just forgot intuition.
 Handing ourselves out,
 Like battered meat,
 We weep,
 To strangers,
 Screaming our needs.
 Goddess this, vibrations that,
 bouncing through tradition,
 and free thinking slaps.
 Is only us,
 in, in, in.
 In global unity,
 we unite and sing.
 Together or apart,
 were all finding our ways,
 into the depths of heart.
 As the world wakes, 
 as it will,
 and love circulates in cities,
 we start to feel,
 we start to hug,
 and dance,
 and heal.
 Whats next after,
 workshops are through?
 Being love, being real,
 staying still,
 when we need to feel,
 holding truth.
 lifting veils,
 how will community,
 beyond trends,
 and ideas of light.
 go, go in, go in.
 I’ll meet you by the fire,
 one heart, lets sing.
 Never will I loose hope,
 sometimes patcience,
 sometimes explode.
 Kisses to foreheads,
 tight holds,
 sweet dreams,
 and deep growls.

Syncrinicity San Cristobal Nov 2016

You pack your bag,
 hear your call to travel,
 around your soul,
 give mundane a rest,
 For a little while.
 You try planning your life,
 and over time,
 it dissolves,
 everything you know.
 And we become one,
 unfolding ourselves,
 In synchronised flow.
 What do you know,
 timely meetings,
 weaved effortlessly.
 and Jesus man faces me,
 non stop talking,
 sharing his stories,
 about freedom,
 and his path,
 to compassion,
 through forgiveness.
 By the end I am frozen,
 lost in nothingness,
 identity crumbled.
 I realise the me,
 is not love I keep standing up for,
 and the future is blank.
 So I become ungraspable,
 and insecurity.

Meeting Jesus Man — San Cristobal Nov 2016

You say yes to life,
 Take the the steps, 
 Out of safety,
 out of mind.
 Drop your known,
 And the universe,
 Drops on me,
 The sky,
 On my lap,
 In de guise.
 You wake one morning,
 And decide to give,
 And for sure,
 Is placed in your hand,
 Without demand.
 How did I get on this roof,
 With this blanket and tea,
 Listening to a traveller,
 Bright eyed,
 Jesus looking.
 For the first time I am happy listening,
 Beyond my need to share,
 My name,
 My me, 
 My purpose.
 In his stories,
 My skin and his,
 Become a mirror,
 I feel the threads
 Of clearing karma,
 Connecting the dots,
 Rubbing the lines.
 Giving me back life.
 I am not my mother,
 My farther that didn’t happen.
 I am not Joie,
 A fantasy,
 Or friction.
 I am what ever I choose.
 Discovering response ability,
 Becoming everything,
 And nothing.
 He asks, are you ready to put down,
 The burning rock,
 Are you ready to be kind and compassionate to yourself.
 I may just be ready,
 to become the ever responding adult,
 That faces fear with light,
 And welcomes trust.
 That gives up excuses,
 That stays attached.
 Tonight I learn the universe,
 Writes answers in my pain,
 In the anger of my spine.
 Change your name,
 Your titles,
 Again and again.
 Or watch the stars,
 Let life pass.
 I use to long to travel,
 For the kick of flow,
 When flow rests in following,
 Each moment sewn.
 I use to spend months,
 Pointing blame,
 For not being brave,
 Now we are the same.
 I am not yours or you mine,
 I will try to remember,
 The love on our bitter tongue,
 This night,
 And ask why.
 What is my teaching,
 And you yours.
 Did you fall inlove with who I am
 Or our souls.
 Signed contract.
 I close my eyes identity less,
 And nothing comes,
 The old does not serve,
 Is not welcomed.

How is poetry medicine ? Nov 2016 San Cristobal- Mexico

There is life, 
 energy and humans, 
 with emotions,
 a mission to evolve.
 We are vibrations,
 Manifesting constantly,
 responsible to free our souls.
 We have dark and light inside,
 To help us grow,
 We can get sick,
 Bitter and old.
 We can also flow,
 Live in trust,
 And sew,
 Great realities,
 With the unknown.
 Medicine in poetry,
 Is one way to expand,
 Release old patterning,
 From the subconscious lands.
 Loosing the tightness,
 And societies demands.
 Opening to lightness,
 Building love we can.
 This is a journey,
 To the heart kingdom,
 A bridge for the curious,
 Of collective wisdom.
 Stories and teachings,
 From two pilgrims,
 On a mission.
 We have one question,
 How can poetry be medicine?

Ayahuasca is NOT A TREND Nov 2016 , Tulum Mexico
 After a strong ceremony,
 I reflect on how ayahuasca,
 is becoming a word buzzing around,
 the city,
 activating imagery,
 of ancient ones, 
 borrowed amazon.
 Tribal something we long.
 A sacred plant of medicine.
 This one is not a trend,
 to be forgotten,
 dished out of your cupboard.
 Definitely not like lsd or mushrooms,
 Or something to take with friends at home.
 Its a powerful spirit for healing,
 you need to be strong,
 opening to other dimensions,
 you need powerful songs.
 In the wrong hands,
 our realities as humans,
 may crumble,
 So find a pure hearted shaman,
 a soul of experience,
 that can guide you,
 through the passages
 back to safe return.
 Today I thought to shout out,
 Respect Her,
 she creeps consciously,
 changing evolution,
 curing desease.
 But hard is her slap,
 if you drink her for a high,
 3 days before and after,
 we must be kind,
 to our bodies and purify.
 She is not a trend!!
 We are not children,
 dont ignore her lessons.

AYAHUASCA — Oct 2016 Cancun Mexico

Head sweat heart race,
 my feet stumble to its seat,
 vanished grace.
 Eagle eyes observing,
 the human race,
 these familiar faces,
 reflect its maze.
 Mind fighting out intentions,
 I hear the whisper,
 enjoy life, explore light.
 I try manufacturing consciousness,
 she meets me in the night.
 Tears down face again,
 hits me in my base,
 fears rising fast insane,
 starts to dissolve my name.
 The sweet song helps me let go,
 lets her in,
 in spirit we join,
 she scans my body,
 aligning my love,
 How can I forget this place,
 this healing home.
 Someday you might experience it,
 and you will know,
 astral healing tribe,
 grandmother astral heights.
 Weaving through your being,
 clearing out your mind.
 She guides you back to power,
 she opens your heart,
 pulls apart your shadow,
 challenges you in the dark.
 In her arms she rocks us,
 as we collectively agree,
 to work and clear out blockages,
 that stay stuck inside we.
 And whilst we walk as humans,
 unfolding all our teachings,
 she expands her mission,
 and asks for us to reach within.
 Seeking clarity for self healing,
 earth transformation,
 starts revealing.
 Multidimensional beings,
 across the lands expanding,
 deep excitement rises,
 as I taste a new life again,
 the next generation,
 Whilst we question,
 how to change the world,
 she creeps underneath,
 reminding us to breathe,
 to focus our attention,
 on loving selflessly.

Stream of me — Sep 2016- Mexico Cancun

Hot skin,
 sticky sun pulls me down,
 to lay,
 I listen to the shaking,

of an ancient rattle,
 a stranger's voice.
 Dreaming of connection,
 flowing beingness.
 I am hushing my thoughts silent,
 I let my thoughts fight out,
 I am fighting for peace,
 shhhing the storms.
 I experience in her arms.
 When i take space.
 Time is absent,
 for weeks.
 I only know the date,
 to update my visa and anniversaries.
 Abundance squeezes my chest,
 from time to time.
 Rest of the time,
 I am trying to breathe deeply,
 telling myself its okay to do nothing.
 Thoughts like stop speaking,
 stop seeking another's affirmation,
 keep on at me.
 A desire for forests and nature,
 and dirty mud hands,
 images of straw roofs and sunrise,
 pop up.
 Images of moments in ceremony,
 and kind hearts of london,
 I explore, to ease my heart.
 The sun is passing,
 but I just want to be still.
 Dont want to fight for love,
 or treat it like a life achievement,
 I want to be sharing my love for life,
 To just let it happen and not,
 how it wants.
 I feel immature today,
 like a child,
 screaming for sweets,
 curled up in the arms of an ancient rattle.

Don’t Give up on love — June 2016 Huatla-Mexico

Don’t give up yet,
 Spoken from kissed lips, 
 Past suppressed. 
 Don’t let the bitterness,
 And disbelief take over.
 You see!!,
 I was like a girl from Disney,
 Forever afters, until I was in my twenties. 
 Knock after knocks,
 The ground took me, 
 I stood up harder,
 And silently inside,
 I knew my heart hides.
 And hope can’t be restored. 
 Surviving I placed smiles,
 Again and again,
 To tell myself it’s all okay. 
 Not dealing with the pain.
 I blamed my self,
 And let’s say it was a bad habit,
 To panic,
 Patterns breeding patterns,
 Bleeding self destruct. 
 I am not enough, Mental.
 Nobody couldn’t even get near,
 As I began projecting fears,
 keeping people at a distance,
 Whilst I hugged them sincere, 
 With my pain silent.
 Forcing my free will, 
 Presenting passion,
 Like a magnet. 
 I fell apart in many arms,
 Of disappointed lovers. 
 Who soon became frustrated,
 Of the wounds from my mother.
 My heart has been so twisted,
 How could I even love again, 
 let alone breathe.
 Said the victim in me. 
 Don’t give up yet,
 But give space to love you,
 Heal your wounds,
 And find your happy, your truth. 
 Until you wake excited for your day,
 And then when you're not looking,
 A stronger soul may come your way. 
 And wake open the locks we placed,
 Look deep within your grace,
 And slowly take it all away.
 They will stick around,
 Through your thick and thin,
 And nurture your magic,
 Out again.
 And beyond one to one,
 In the hearts of humanity,
 Awaken your passion,
 For life and serenity. 
 Guess this happens,
 as you get older,
 Only I noticed some frown,
 Loneliness a bit longer.
 Some closed out of loyalty,
 Ease or torture.
 Life is love, 
 With or with out her,
 But to hold another’s heart,
 Can bring much laughter,
 And needs to be nurtured.
 I always thought love found you,
 But now I know it grows,
 And it’s up to us to water.
 And to let it show.

Visiting heart- June 2016-Mexico

I wanted to simply,
 offer my heart here, 
 A beat, 
 A rhythm. 
 A movement,
 A fragment of life.
 A pillar of vision.
 Just jumping off you,
 In Between dreams, 
 And thoughts,
 Of consciousness.
 Some day I’ll paint the beats,
 And sing the tones. 
 Or even put it in a poem.

GOD TOLD ME — July 2016 — Mexico Huatla

God told me,
 In ceremony,
 I may be silent,
 for a while, 
 whilst I rediscover 
 how to let love come through,
 In words.
 And let sadness fall.

By God I mean a limitless light. 
 A power I know, 
 Have known eternally.
 An experience of truth.
 By God I mean, 
 A voice that pulled
 My soul back from the river,
 The force that snuck behind,
 My locked walled chest,
 And broke apart my chains,
 Of weight.
 And leave me weeping,
 To the sound of my lost song,
 I was denied at birth.
 Can a poem answer, 
 His question?
 Do you want to live or die. 
 Can it tell my friends,
 I chose to live,
 Beyond just announcements.
 Can it take them to the beginning,
 And rock calm their childhood?
 And shake them back into being, 
 Being alive,
 With thanks in their hearts.
 Words are coming.