53 Thoughts Trump Definitely Had During His First 100 Days In Office | By Nia Alavezos



  1. Why was no one smiling at my inauguration?

2. I wonder if anyone would notice if I Photoshopped more people into the crowd?

3. How do I turn this computer on?

4. This presidency is going to be HUGE.

5. Day one and America is already GREATER.

6. How long is 100 days?

7. I wonder what Putin is thinking about right now?

8. Maybe I should WhatsApp him?

9. Siri — how do I look at my wife?

10. Do I need to hold her hand in public?

11. What does a President REALLY do?

12. C’mon, Obama didn’t do that much work.

13. OK, is that how much I really need to read? Biden said I would get to watch cartoons all day.

14. I need someone to draw me a picture explaining this “Syrian crisis.”

15. I wonder if anyone will realize Ivanka taking Melania’s place? She’s way hotter.

16. When is Tiffany’s birthday again?

17. I should get Sean Spicer to say this.

18. Why do they call it the Oval Office anyways?

19. I should have applied for a job at BuzzFeed instead.

20. Why do they need me to come down to their stupid meetings when I can just watch what’s happening on the TV?

21. Let’s see how many Twitter followers I gained today… still not as much as Obama. FAKE followers!

22. People will love me if I make fun of Rosie O’ Donnell again.

23. Why can’t I just pay Congress to approve my bills? I have lots of money.

24. TRUMPCare sounds so much better.

25. Why does everyone want free health care? You think doctors are going to work for FREE? STUPID!

26. Are tacos responsible for global warming?

27. Who needs the arts when you have me as President?

28. What channel is Roe v. Wade on tonight? I’ve never heard of these teams.

29. Why do women bleed?

30. What kind of secret cult is a “women’s period?” Every woman can’t have one — that’s impossible.

31. Is Ivanka mad at me? She’s been avoiding me all day.

32. I actually think Hillary Clinton is a 10…

33. Does Monica Lewinsky still work here?

34. God I really need to shit — where’s Steve Bannon?

35. Why do the PATRIOTS have black players?

36. Is Theresa May the Queen’s mother?

37. Someone get me a map. I need to know where the EU is.

38. Burkas are kind of hot.

39. I think they’ve got this without me. Every thing seems fine. I’m going golfing.

40. Where’s North Korea again?

41. How come Pence’s memes aren’t as good as Biden’s memes?

42. I bet Pence is the Zodiac Killer.

43. Just look at his face, he looks like one of those Halloween masks.

44. I think the White House needs more gold leaf.

45. I should make a White House pageant.

46. Where are all the HOT female politicians?

47. Where do these people find the time to go marching? Don’t they get tired? Where are they marching? You don’t mean to tell me they’re just going a round in circles?

48. I thought marches could only happen in March.

49. I want a pussy hat.

50. How hard is it for these Mexicans just to build my wall? Do they need me to provide more bricks and cement? That’s all it takes people.

51. How can I convince everyone to finally approve my idea of putting TRUMP on the White House?

52. I know painting the White House gold might be a stretch but c’mon. TRUMP. White House. It’s my brand.

53. Wait — you mean to tell me there was a popular vote?