TMT’s Camp Diaries — Day 5

You know when you’re going through stuff and you’re just grateful there’s other people and activities and things to stop you from thinking too much about it. That’s my whole life right now. But this really isn’t about me. TMT is back and I am super excited. He was MIA for a few days because he was busy getting called to the Nigerian Bar (yes the lunatic is a Barrister and Solicitor of the Supreme Court of Nigeria). Anyway he’s back so you people can stop shouting at me on social media goshhhhhhhhh.

Day 5:
Nothing here throws me off anymore. Well except the weather. Kwara is colder than Russia right now and I say this as someone who’s never been to Russia. 
So yeah.
I was gone for a week and now that I’m back, there’s an actual schedule that I have to follow. 
So I’m going to give you a layout what we’re supposed to do and what I actually do.

  1. Wake up at 3:30am to fetch water and shower= Stay in bed till 5am.
  2. 5am: Praise and worship on the parade ground=Listening to Sade albums and trying to decipher what “Sweetest Taboo” is about.
  3. 5:40am: National anthem, NYSC anthem and a lecture= Me still working on the Sade thing.
  4. 6:30am: Taking attendance= Make sure I’m accounted for.
  5. 7am: Morning workout= I actually like working out so I participate. Halfway through this about 60 of us stand in a circle (like our mothers cooking pots) and start dancing and chanting something along the lines of “dem go born mumu, dem go born mumu, if corper marry corper, dem go born mumu”. There’s also a second verse that goes “dem go born better, dem go born better, if corper marry soldier, dem go born better.” Fun fact, the workout drill leader is a soldier.
  6. 7:20am: Camp announcements that are probably important= sneaking past several soldiers to get to my room because it’s the only thing tha makes me feel alive.
  7. 8am to 9am is breakfast, I usually spend that watching shitty 90’s anime on my ipad. Lamba made fun of my at first but he’s really into it now.
  8. 9am to 12 noon, we’re supposed to attend these entrepreneurship classes where we get taught important skills like bead-making, plumbing, electrical work, how to use PowerPoint and other things of that nature. I usually spend this time arguing with soldiers about world politics and social issues racism or if it’s okay for men to wash their wives underwear.
  9. 1pm I’m getting lunch and working on stuff in my room while trying to ignore my roommates. They’ve just asked me to contribute one thousand naira to a party they’re throwing on Saturday……in our room. I was also instructed to bring a girl along. These are grown men. I give them the money but I’ll have to figure a way out of this before Saturday.
  10. I spend the rest of the day doing my thing and avoiding marching till about 8/9pm then I get dinner and a beer…..2 beers….okay fine 4 (maybe 5) then I go to bed!

That’s it. That’s what I’m doing here. That’s ALL I’m doing here. There are a couple side stories I want to write about but we’ll get to that later.

It’s also important to note that camp is in Yikpata, Kwara state and an hour away from anything resembling civilisation. So I usually never have data. I’m literally rationing out book chapters so I don’t run out things to keep my mind working. 
On the up side, my capacity for cringe and tolerance for people who think “to serve out father’s land” is a thing, is at an all time high. 
Bye guys.

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