Chapter 1. Part 1
Nobody is going to convince me stoop to the unsatisfying quick success, even if that means I’ll probably stay useless for the rest of my life.
Ordinary is the worst comment you can ever get from others, sadly, I got it all of the time. It is true that I don’t have any talent, have no ambitionit. Like most of the high school students my age, I’m not pretty enough to be a model(unlike girls in my school who’d already started their modeling career), not smart enough to not to worry about the future(not smart enough to get early invitations from universities) , but these were all no big deal before everything changes. Even though I didn’t changed much, I’m now in a situation where having no sign of superior is the worst thing that could ever happen. I just don’t know what I want to do in the future. It’s not like I have a role model that I can just look at and say "Oh! That’s who I want to be when I’m grown up." Yet, no one is waiting for me to find my role model. It seems to me that everyone around me are worrying about my future more than I do. Everyone who’s future seems to be bright are setting goals, finding universities, aim for that one thing and just sprint right towards it. But me, chill as an idot, slowly searching for all of the possibilities like I can do everything. People here, who claims to be helpful, saying that they care about your future, always offer you a plan which I call "success package". They make it sounds so nice as if, as long as you follow well, you will go to your dream college and everything ever after will be easy for you. It disgusted me. How did people found making others' lives so easy is an humane to do? It is like taking away their lives. "All you have to do is study hard, do some volunteers and things that universities would like to see you do", "and we will take care of the rest." I know I don’t have much time, but just stoop to the easiest, fastest path to "success" will let me despise myself. Now you can probably get the picture of me, sitting with those desperate kids, far away from those successful ones; neither that is what my situation looks like.
It wasn't like it happens all of the sudden though; I had two years to get prepared for it, but I didn't use it wisely. Moving to Canada was father's idea, who lived separate from me, my mom, my sister and our maid(or amah to be precise). No one except him really loved the idea, but he's the boss. Now we are heading to the darkest memory of my life; I'm not really feeling comfortable to tell you about it yet, so maybe we can come back to it later.
One thing that really makes me feel I'm special is that I'm living alone. Maybe that isn't such a big deal, not something to be horribly proud of, but I can't stop smiling every time I think about. I can't wait because this means, all the troubles are finally over. Honestly, ever since the first time I stay home alone for a month, I fall in love with the feeling of independent, and all the control I have over myself. Even though I'd always have more freedom than anyone else in my age group, this was different. It might be selfish to say, but the best part of all is I finally get rid of my mother! This may sounds wrong, but bare with me, you will know why I'm such an awful person.
