Wonder Woman

Sam
Sam
Aug 15 · 4 min read
Stick them with the pointy end
Now that you’re all grown up, better register those hands as lethal weapons
If that’s not defensive body language, I don’t know what is
All that training in hamster wheels left on the cutting room floor
Antiope’s work was never done
Good thing she’s just read a 12-volume treatise on the art of bodily pleasure
So far this is ticking all the boxes in my fantasy island scenerio
Are there any illicit videos from before he made it big, for us to judge for ourselves?
Little Steve is very persuasive that way
Good writing: he says what we’re all thinking
Much of the audience would like to liaise with you, Diana
Wait a minute, those don’t look like the bad guys
I’m not sure they came with a laugh track, either
Looks like we picked the wrong beach to storm
So much slo-mo, so little time
Consider me well chastised
Nothing says #MeToo like a powerful woman in charge of other powerful women suddenly confronted by their first men, now sleeping with the fishes
Only for the obligatory singles night of passion
Somebody’s playing hard to get and it’s not me
Third base can also be satisfying
If that’s his orgasm face, he’s a very fine actor indeed
That was fast. Are you sure Themyscira isn’t on the isle of Jersey or something?
I’m betting the prop master wasn’t even born when those were in fashion
There is a suspicious lack of twirling in the current era
If this is a movie made by women, we want more of same, please
Alternate caption: I’m sure you’re an Amazon at heart, Etta
And we love light relief (if I don’t fast forward we’ll be here all day) (flashbacks to the 70s don’t count)
The band of sisters who live there might like some light relief too
What he heard: “I do”
We love a tantalizing backstory explaining a villain’s mask and state of mental health
Spoiler alert
But first there’s a lot more fighting to get through
You Germans, such reliable evil-doers, hard to believe half of Britain will be crying over Brexit
My phallic symbol is bigger than yours
Funny how that outfit never caught on with the resistance movement
Thanks, but I think the new gal’s got this covered
It’s CGI, which if you know your Arthur C. Clarke, means it’s close
Oh, but being English, there was always a good chance you were going to be a baddie
This isn’t in the same universe of filmmaking as Naked, but the pay is much better
Have you been talking to my mother?
we would achieve box office dominance by capturing cult film lovers and DC Comics fans — would you like to see a Venn diagram?
Deserve’s got nothing to do with it
But like a sperm, I must complete my mission before la not-so-petite mort
Let’s not get too deep here
Kindly do not make me complicit in your pop culture homily-making machine
I am woman, etc.
Bruce Wayne is an available bachelor, isn’t he?
The wisdom of Athena…
I guess every generation needs a reminder
So much world to save, so little time.
Sam

Written by

Sam

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