Why I Exist

My personal manifesto on why we suffer and how to make it count

4 min readSep 2, 2017

So I begin…telling my imperfect story, unedited, straight from my heart to my fingertips to loudly smacking the keys of my laptop. Telling this story is has been a long time coming. I’ve agonized over whether not anyone wants to hear it, whether I have the courage to tell it, wondering if people will be repulsed by it (or even worse, me), concerned telling it would be an embarrassment to my family, even worried about the perpetrators that hurt me… you name it — I’ve come up with EVERY reason NOT to tell my story.

But, as of late, I stood STILL for the first time in my life and took time to indulge in pure silence. I STOPPED everything, I decided what I have now is enough, I decided that I’m ENOUGH, I listened and listened… and caught a glorious glimpse of God’s dream for me. He said,

“It is time. You are ready. I love you. I will keep you safe.”

I have conviction that my story will impact millions of people across the globe…because there are many of you out there.

So my true life story goes like this…

My name is Jolynn, I’m 44, a mother of four amazing teenagers, wife to my soulmate, retired corporate executive, recovering alcoholic, community volunteer, life coach, and entrepreneur — proud founder and CEO of my dream organization EmpowerZone.

For 30 years I have struggled with the same story. The story of a beautiful, pure, ambitious girl who was gang raped by a group of high school boys when she was 14 years old, just a freshman in high school. I’ve hidden the story deep inside a very safe place, I call my subconscious, deep inside my physical brain…the part of the brain that is solely meant for survival. The part of the brain that knows only how to hunt for food and water and take care for her young until they are grown.

Who would have ever thought that single event, that one terrible moment would still resonate in every part of my being like it was just yesterday? Those of you who know me also know that I’m much too strong to let that one incident haunt me this long. Right? What haunts me the most is the shame of it all, living with a secret, wondering if people will think I’m “dirty” if they find out.

Even as I sit here writing this my heart is quivering, I’m trying to write as fast as I can…for fear that someone might walk up behind me and read these words.

Sometimes I feel like a vinyl record with a lot of scratches on it… you know how when the record hits a scratch, you yearn for the song to start playing again on its own…BUT you have to pick up the needle and put it on just the right spot to get it to start playing again?

It’s the Little Things…

that bring me back to that awful time and place. Slowly and through a lot of hard work over the last several sober years I’ve been polishing my record and the scratches are going away! Gone are the days of waking up feeling like I have to start over again.

I can’t possibly sit down in one single sitting and write the last 30 years of my life. But I will write each moment for you to read, but more importantly I will share with you the steps of my journey, the ups and downs, the darkest and brightest moments so that you too — can join me in the bliss of FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF AGAIN.

Please feel free to share this with anyone you know that could benefit from my writings and advice. Sometimes it can just be easier knowing you are not ALONE.

Oh, how I wish I never would have snuck out of my house that night… BUT then again, I wouldn’t be able to rejoice in God’s plan for me to impact millions of LIVES, HEARTS AND SOULS.

JOIN ME… because….