I spoke to my manager about my concerns with the hours I worked and my productivity. He assured me that it really wasn’t accurate to use hours worked, lines of code written, or code reviews submitted as a measure of productivity — something I am really grateful for. He also mentioned that our team’s engineering manager had noticed my long hours, and that she thought I would burn out if I continued this pace. This shocked me. It is a testament to how supportive my team was, that our manager would acknowledge that long hours may lead to poor mental health down the line.
I took the rumours to heart, and thought that I had to put in the same hours — no, more — as the full time employees, to be remotely as good or as productive as them. Insecurity played a lot into this. I felt like I wasn’t nearly talented enough to belong there, and to make up for that lack of talent, I had to work harder than most.