Last Friday I put in my two weeks at ABC right after being told one of my graphics will be used as a background for the Disney Channel. For a second, I was inclined to stay with the job because — hey, why not? I’m on the up and up!
But fuck that.
I have dreams. Dumb, delusional dreams. Optimistic, fucking crazy dreams. I just know I can’t be crazy at ABC.
Guess what? I want to be a rapper.
In a market saturated by wannabe rappers and wannabe musicians I want to not only just be rapper — but a rapper/producer and a house DJ on the side. I quit my stable job, (not getting paid shit though) to live the starving artist dream.
I might as well get the “why?” out of the way right now. Why? Because I believe it’s my destiny, I believe I have a legacy that needs to be fulfilled, and I do what I fucking want.
Nice… we got that settled.
Next up let me address something I know I’m not good at. Grammar. I can do whatever I want with this language. I will run-on, run-off, run-in however I want. You don’t have to read this, bitch.
My roommates/brothers and I live and strive off uncomfortability… it’s where we’re most comfortable. We put ourselves in situations that overwhelm us constantly. Our minds are always racing and sometimes it could lead to some dark thoughts. Some embrace the dark thoughts and some run away from the dark thoughts but no matter what, it always creeps up on us. I have no idea where it comes from. It’s probably because we’re all nerds. I don’t have any actual evidence, it’s just my detective’s hunch.
I had a job, (that I hate, can’t stress that enough) that was easy for me. I can be able to pay my college loans on time, afford that good ol’ dank KUSH and shit on people on Overwatch on the PS4, (I know the PC version is better but I don’t have a PC, so eat a dick) everything was nice. I felt at home.
See, I come from Northern Virginia, the most comfortable, warm, soul sucking place in the world. My area is kind of like an “urban suburb”. We weren’t DC but we definitely weren’t Loudoun. Pusha-T and Malice summed it up best in the Clipse song Virgina, “I’m from Virginia where there ain’t shit to do but cook.”
— and I know that Clipse is from Virginia Beach, about 50 hours away from Northern Virginia because Virginia is strangely huge, but the sentiment is still the same. In Northern Virginia, there ain’t shit to do but like… raise a family. get a good education and steal shit from the local 7/11.
New York City felt like Northern Virgina.
New York City shouldn’t feel like home for a dreamer.
So what’s my plan now? How do I get myself out there and become this mega artist that wants to change the world.
Tiny steps. Cause that’s how people do everything. Tiny steps. Stay patient. Stay the course. Just keep walking.
But let’s be specific — what are these tiny steps? I’ve taken a giant leap, does that mean my steps need to be a little be more bigger? Probably.