Things I have said about both my dog and the 45th President of the United States

– He doesn’t know how to shake. He’s really good at sitting, though. And he just learned how to roll over.

– He gets his hair cut at Petsmart.

– I swear to God, I stop paying attention for one second and bam, there’s another chicken bone in his mouth!

– He loves barking at the television. He’ll do it for hours unless somebody distracts him.

– Peeing on stuff is just how he marks his territory.

– He’s never been disciplined for anything in his life.

– I’m not sure how else to say this, but he kind of doesn’t like black people.

– Seriously, where does he keep getting all these chicken bones?

– Just when I think there couldn’t possibly be any more shit left in him, he stops, looks me straight in the eye, and drops the biggest, foulest load I’ve ever seen. Then he tries to kick dirt over it and expects someone else to clean it up.

– He just wants to be loved.

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