THE ONE HIDDEN OBSTACLE THAT PREVENTS WEIGHT LOSS & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
What will people think? This is a question you may ask yourself when starting something that might not work. When this question enters your thinking you have lost before you’ve even begun. Asking yourself this question only initiates a negative internal monologue that becomes the seed of self doubt that is planted inside your head. To create the mindset of a winner, even before you have won, it will require you to redefine your definition of success.
Although the overweight executive has many fellow team mates the shame that comes with the struggle to control their weight keeps them on the sidelines of life. Although the overweight executive are frequently the butt of cruel jokes, the social distress caused by their weight is no laughing matter. They don’t have to ask themselves ‘what will people think’ because their workmates laugh in their face about each of their perceived inadequacies.
The warning signs are unmistakable. Photos are avoided, they hide under layers of baggy clothing and when faced with anything physical they respond ‘no you first…no really, I insist.’ What they refuse are moments of fun with the people they love the most. They see the disappointment in their daughter’s eyes when she asks her dad to play but he is afraid of what will the other parents or kids think and says no for the fear of embarrassment.
Instead, the executive will find refuge and build their ego where they are have most success — work. This only sends them further down the weight gain spiral.
The irony is that the same question that keeps them on the sidelines of life also prevents the overweight executive from doing something about it. The shame that they feel about their body is exposed at no greater time than when they exercise outside. David Heine, an Executive Athlete who lost over 20% of his bodyweight shares his experience:
“I look at big people now who are out there trying to do something about it and I have nothing but respect for them. They are doing the hardest thing I have ever done. When you are a fat person, when you go out there in your big t-shirt and long shorts, you are worried what everyone is thinking about you. That’s the first thing you think about — what is everyone thinking about me. It’s easy to get out there are run in gym gear when you look hot. It’s hard to do that when you don’t, it’s really hard to that when you don’t.”
Handing over your feelings of self worth to the opinion of someone else is not what winners do. This practice forces us to play safe, take no chances and only do what has worked before. The end result is that nothing gets done. We procrastinate, held in a place where we don’t want to be, gripped by the fear that someone will think less of us for trying.
Parents and coaches often tell us to do your best. Vague goals like this often produce inferior results but with a small amount of refinement this statement will guide you with the intent it was delivered with. To be able to push into any challenge without bending to self-doubt all you need to focus on is this — ‘Am I proud of what I did today?’
If you are proud of your effort no one can take that away from you. If you did everything in your power to get the right result no external opinions will matter. If you are proud and you lost, you will take confidence from the fact that you did everything that you could. The challenge was just too great. You will have an opportunity to learn new skills, make better decisions and there will be another day.
The times when we feel ashamed or regret is when we didn’t put in our best effort. When we had more to give and we held back or didn’t deliver on the day. In these moments we are not proud of our efforts and open ourselves up to the opinions and criticisms of others. They cut a little deeper because they identify the truth that we know inside ourselves. The only way to guard yourself from this is to go all in, commit with all your heart and only produce your best.
David explains this in a way that only first hand experience knows how:
“For me it was to stop focusing on what do I look like or how pathetic I was going to look while doing this. The fact I couldn’t last 5 minutes. By all of those definitions, I was going to be a failure. That first session I had with you, I was going to fail, I knew that. So the commitment comes from getting beyond that. The commitment comes from finding the next more important reason that despite failing, for doing it.
Saying, you know what. I am going run 50 yards and I am going to have a heart attack. I know people are going to laugh at me and I am going to look horrendous. And all of that is true. You know what, get over yourself. That was part of it. The other part is that I know what the right answer is [commit]. If I let myself give the wrong answer [quit] because of the first few thoughts of failure, then I can’t stand back and look myself in the eye and say I am proud of myself.
You have to learn that is your definition of success.”
This article was first published on my website: executiveathlete.co
