10 Ways to Reduce Stress & Live a Longer, Healthier & Happier Life.
How I Manage Anxiety
Stress and Anxiety are killing you.
Are you doing anything to save yourself?
They aren’t just minor annoyances you can brush off like a mosquito. The problem is more serious than you think.
According to Harvard research, “sustained stress or fear can alter biological systems in a way that, over time, adds up to wear and tear and, eventually illnesses such as heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.”
Anxiety Almost Destroyed my Life
For me, anxiety hasn’t caused heart disease or stroke, but it contributed to a ten-year addiction to drugs.
I developed poor coping mechanisms as a young adult, and my inability to effectively manage stress, fear and anxiety led to years of substance abuse. The journey through addiction landed me in jail and, eventually homeless. Somewhere along the way, I had an intense spiritual experience, which helped me begin to understand why I’d chosen the wrong path.
I found a way out of illegal drug use and addiction and today I own and operate a multi million-dollar business.
I have about 25 employees working at our Phoenix office. I am the husband of a loving wife, and father to five amazing children. My life has made a 180-degree turn for the better, and although I’ve had some success — my life is far from perfect.
I continue to battle stress and anxiety, and every once in a while — it slaps me in the face.
I’ve discovered effective strategies to keep my stress, fear and anxiety levels working to my advantage, by putting them back in their rightful place.
I Didn’t Have Anxiety Attacks Until I Quit my Job to Start a Company
Since I relied on substances to round off the sharp edges of stress for so many years, I didn’t have the pleasure of experiencing an actual panic attack until after I got my life in order.
I once thought my dad was having a heart-attack, but it turned out to be an anxiety attack. I couldn’t imagine having one myself — until I became an entrepreneur.
I’ll never forget it — hunched over, eyes-squinted, and chest tightly wrenched. I knew I wasn’t having a heart attack; I knew it was a panic attack, but it didn’t make the ordeal any less frightening.
I had spent the previous year planning to launch my startup. This was my first shot at starting and running a company. I was reeling with excitement and trepidation.
At the time, my wife and I just had our fourth child, she was a stay-at-home mom, and I was the sole-provider. Talk about pressure.
Along with all the excitement, came intense episodes of crippling stress, fear, and anxiety. Ominous thoughts frequently appeared from thin air.
As I was blitzed by thoughts of failure, I began to question my decision to quit my job. I started to think I made a dumb choice. I was very afraid.
Although I’d learned ways to manage anxiety and stress in healthy ways — the negative thoughts continued to attack. Like a piranha, incessantly gnawing at my will and chipping away at my confidence, until I was nearly paralyzed.
My first anxiety attack hit one week before the launch date and continued nightly for three consecutive nights. They always occurred in the middle of the night.
I would wake up sweating. It felt as if I were wide awake, because my heart was racing.
Ever had a calf-leg cramp at night?
You know, it wakes you up, but it’s not a full cramp yet, you can feel the muscle getting tighter, and tighter until finally — your entire calf muscle is completely seized.
My anxiety attacks were just like that. I could feel a sense of impending doom as my chest wrenched tighter and tighter until, all of the sudden — my whole torso felt like it was in a vice.
I was scared to death.
Panic attacks were unlike anything I’d ever experienced. There is something about the lack of physical control, that made me feel more vulnerable. More mortal.
Panic attacks work as a great ego-buster.
I’ve learned there is no end to stress. Perhaps someday mankind’s threat-alert system will be dulled by the lack of true attack by predators, and adjust for the world in which we live today.
Until then I’ll continue to practice these prevention strategies.
Since I’ve implemented a proactive stress-prevention and stress management plan, I’ve been happier, healthier and more productive. Below is a list of ten simple strategies I use to decrease stress and anxiety, thus preventing the major build up/implosions that were once a recurring theme of life for me.
Prevention through consistency has been the key, for me thus far.
Strategy# 1— Go to Bed
It doesn’t matter what your triggers are, or how good you become at breathing exercises, or how well balanced your life becomes; without adequate sleep — anxiety can become unbearable.
We all know about the sleep / anxiety cycle: Inconsistent sleep compounds anxiety, in turn anxiety disrupts sleep. It’s a never-ending cycle. I’m typically not bothered by a single night of poor sleep, but two nights in a row almost guarantees a day full of anxiety, frustration and low productivity.
When I’ve only sleep six hours over the last two days, my anxiety is compounded by the lack of rest. In turn, anxiety prevents me from sleeping well, and after a couple nights of not sleeping well, my thinking begins to become clouded and unclear, making it even more difficult to function well.
This is how the “no sleep / anxiety cycle” looks in my head, and how it plays out in my life:
Anxiety = poor sleep = less productivity = more anxiety = even less productivity = mounting frustration = isolation = resentment = guilt / shame = more anxiety etc. etc.
See what I mean? I need my sleep.
The following strategies help me both increase the duration and quality of my sleep:
- I don’t watch TV or videos at night
- No caffeine after 5pm.
- No exercise at night. (Some people sleep better directly following exercise but it has the opposite effect on me. If I go for a run at night, I’ll never get to sleep)
- Exercise daily. Either weight training, or cardio.
- Eat a small snack before bed. (I can’t sleep when I’m hungry)
- Don’t eat large portions of food before bed.
- Read a book. (Reading is better than any sleeping pill I’ve ever taken)
- Set limits (I try not to stay up past 10 on weeknights, because I’m up by 5)
Waking up by 5am combined with a daily workout routine also helps me get to sleep at night.
Strategy# 2 — Identify Triggers
Adequate and consistent sleep is by-far the most effective way to eliminate stress and anxiety. But it’s common for anxiety to persist, despite plenty of rest. Therefore, it’s so important to understand the source of your stress.
Knowing your triggers can help prevent stress before it becomes anxiety.
Once you have identified the source of your stress, you can work to eliminate and prevent it. You will notice some stressors disappear as you identify them. Like roaches running from the light.
Take out a pen and paper, and start your list.
Here is a sample from my personal list of triggers, to give you an example:
- Holding the morning staff meeting. (public speaking makes me very anxious)
- Motivating people who don’t want to succeed.
- The English Grammar and writing class I teach to fourth graders at our homeschool co-op each week (the parents know more than me, and it’s intimidating and makes me feel vulnerable)
- Crowded and loud places
- My in-laws
- Meetings with people who are smarter & more professional than me
- Hitting “publish” once I’ve written an article
- Conversations with my wife (we’ve been together 10 years, but I still get nervous around her)
- Worrying people will not like me or my work
- Fear that business will go south, and I’ll be forced to give up some comforts I’ve grown accustomed to.
- Etc.
As you can see from the list above, some stressors are external, and some originate from within.
Logical thought indicates that, the internal stressors are more manageable since they originate within my mind, but that isn’t always the case. My own head is often my fiercest enemy.
Since internal stressors are formed in my mind, I look for ways to change my thinking to be more positive, replacing stressful thoughts with gratitude, or with happy thoughts that get me pumped — like mountain biking, hiking and writing.
Strategy# 3 — Breathe
“take a deep belly breath and let it out slowly focusing on relaxing your neck and -shoulder muscles as you slowly exhale. The rest of the body will automatically follow suit and relax.” — Anne Abernathy (6-time Olympian)
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably developed the habit of chest-breathing. Take a moment to pay attention to your breath — as you inhale, does your chest protrude?
If so, you’re probably a chest breather. You need to stop chest breathing, because chances are — you’re not getting enough oxygen into your bloodstream, and you’re taking short fast breaths, which lead to increased heart-rate and blood-pressure.
Fast breathing, elevated heart-rate and higher blood-pressure all work to compound stress.
For immediate stress relief — try belly breathing.
Breathing has become the single-most effective way for me to beat stress quickly. I like to use belly breathing because:
- It doesn’t cost a dime
- It can be done practically anywhere
- It provides immediate results
- It helps me relax and think clearly, even when I’m sleep deficient (anxiety public enemy #1)
Your tummy should protrude as you inhale. If it doesn’t — you’re doing it wrong.
Belly breathing counteracts the elevated cadence of our heart, blood-pressure and helps to replace panic with peace.
Benefits of Breathing for Stress Relief
- It’s free
- It’s quick & easy
- You can do it almost anywhere
- Stops the damaging effects of stress
- Breathing is the body’s natural “Relaxation Response”
- Leaves body relaxed, calm and focused
- Works for everyone
How Belly Breathing Helps Stress
- Decreases heart rate
- Decreases blood pressure
- Slows rate of breathing
- Lessens muscle tension
- Oxygenates the blood, which causes our brain to release endorphins
- Endorphins are the hormones released into the brain and nervous system, which activate the brain’s opiate receptors creating a sense of well-being.
When I Practice Belly Breathing
- Before starting work, meetings, phone calls
- When I’m feeling tense
- Soon after I wake up
- Before each meal
- Practice often, even when you don’t “feel” like you need stress reduction.
Strategy# 4 — Stop Working
I am a firm believer that work diminishes a wide variety of nuisances, including anxiety.
Whenever I notice tension and stress building, I try to work my way out of it by finishing the task I’m anxious about.
For me, more work, doesn’t work when it comes to relieving anxiety. I just end up losing sleep and my anxiety worsens.
Despite the knee-jerk reaction to clear your calendar so you can do more work and put in more hours at the office, research indicates that less is more and sometimes we just need to shut down the computer work less hours.
Unplug, if only for a short time.
I know how difficult this one is, but am always amazed at how much more productive I am after stepping away for a bit.
If I my current situation doesn’t allow me to leave work for the day, or to work less hours — I’ll take short breaks with time away from the task at hand. For example, I often leave my cellphone on my desk and take a walk outside.
Strategy# 5 — Get Social
Studies have shown that ongoing face-to-face interactions with friends or family substantially reduce anxiety and depression. I know, I get it — I’m not a social person either. I consider myself an introvert, and I tend to re-charge by spending quiet time alone, but too much alone time results in imbalance and increased anxiety.
Here are some ideas for “getting social”:
- Join a club, group or organization in your community or at work
- Visit a friend or family member
- Take a neighbor a loaf of freshly baked bread
- Invite someone over for dinner
- Take a co-worker to lunch
- Join a local community / city / town board
- Consider joining a volunteer group, as these groups often foster socialization.
With deadlines, meetings, calls, email, and to-do lists lingering — socializing isn’t necessarily at the top of our priority list. But engaging in social activities on a regular basis contributes to our overall well-being.
Strategy# 6 — Give Back
Have you ever been in a bad situation?
Perhaps you didn’t have enough money to pay your rent, or suddenly needed money for a car repair, and didn’t have the cash. If you borrowed the money from someone, then you probably remember the relief you experienced when the financial burden was lifted.
Okay, now go find someone in a similar sucky situation — and help them. Help them however you can.
If you can’t afford to give them cash, offer to donate your time.
Perhaps give them a ride to work for the week, or make them a meal or two. Offer to watch their kids while they work extra shifts. Offer to help them find a job. Help them with yard work. Offer to clean their house.
Do something, anything for someone else — just to help them.
You’ll be surprised at just how good you will walk away feeling.
Studies indicate, that helping others lowers stress and anxiety, helps with depression, increases well-being and creates a sense of meaning and purpose.
In fact, brain scans show increased levels of dopamine are released when we give, or when we volunteer our time. This is called “Helper’s High”.
Strategy# 7 — Have Fun
I live in Phoenix, which is situated in a valley, and the surrounding mountains are full of great hiking and biking trails. Hitting the trail either on foot, or riding my mountain-bike always takes me to a place of bliss, and relieves anxiety. I ALWAYS feel better after a trip to South Mountain.
I know, you’re anxious and stressed because you’ve got loads of work, with deadlines to meet. You feel like you can’t take time out of your day to “have fun”. I used to think the same way.
However, I’ve noticed that I’m ten times more productive, after I’ve had some fun.
What is fun anyway?
Isn’t that what kids do?
How do adults have fun?
There are no rules here, it’s your fun. It can be something as simple as a walk down the street, a laid back bike ride, building model cars, sketching, watching Netflix, jogging, hiking, making crafts, you name it — just enjoy yourself.
I personally try to make sure I do something fun at least once per day, even if it’s only for five minutes.
Strategy# 8 — Laugh
According to the Mayo Clinic, laughing works wonders for managing anxiety.
Laughing reduces stress and anxiety by:
- Stimulating organs, increasing oxygen intake, stimulating your cardiovascular system, lungs and muscles
- Releases endorphins
- Laughing is physically and psychologically soothing — it also stimulates circulation and aids muscle relaxation, both of which reduce physical symptoms of stress and anxiety
Laughing is probably the most difficult thing for me to do when I’m stressed, because I tend to feel like I must be intensely focused on the task, or it won’t get done. However, I’ve found that I perform much better when I’m relaxed, and laughing helps me relax.
Strategy# 9 — Exercise Daily
I go to the gym at least four days each week, unless I’m sick or injured.
A combination of weight training and cardio works well for me to reduce anxiety for multiple reasons. Something about increasing my heart-rate for extended periods of time always makes me feel better.
I’ve found that exercising first thing in the morning is an amazing way to start my day. In addition to the stress and anxiety relief that comes with exercise, working out in the morning provides an all-day energy boost. It’s like an energy drink without the jitters or crash.
Here are some things to consider as you begin your workout adventure:
- Consistency is the key
- Don’t try to become Arnold Schwarzenegger in the first week.
- It’s better to walk 15 min. every day than to waiting to do a marathon on the weekend. — this will just lead to injury.
- Find workouts that are fun for you. I LOVE mountain-biking because it’s an intense workout and I hardly notice it because I have so much fun.
- Use music or a podcast to distract you and make time go by faster — this makes exercise more enjoyable and “pumps” you up
- Find a workout buddy.
- Some people love working out with a partner — I hate it, and it frustrates me. My workout time is like my sanctuary, and trying to keep up with someone else distracts me from that.
- Be patient and start slow — I can’t emphasize enough.
Consistency is the key.
You may feel an initial burst of energy and excitement, quickly followed by a few days of soreness. You may be tempted to quit — don’t quit. Keep going no matter what, because regular exercise is a cure for damn near everything.
Strategy# 10 — Be Where You Are
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”
— Marcus Aurelius
In his book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explains how we can virtually eliminate depression, anxiety and a whole host of other psychological ailments by living in the present moment.
He props this claim up on the premise that “the past produces pain, and the future produces fear”. That we only truly exist in the present moment, because the future is only speculation and the past is all memories.
Take a minute to inventory your mind’s current activity. Here is an example of my inventory, but you can do whatever works for you:
Past Pain: I said some things I shouldn’t have. / I could have been more helpful with kids and homeschool.
Future Fear: Money (may not have enough)
Past Pain: I could have been more wise with my money.
Future Fear: Becoming wiser with money may cause me to lose current luxuries.
Past Pain: I shouldn’t have been so harsh with my kids when I schooled them for dirty bedrooms yesterday
Future Fear: Will I continue to lose my temper, or will I gain self-control and become a better dad?
Past Pain: I should have chosen a larger office space for the business before signing a long-term lease.
Future Fear: What will I do when we grow out of this place.
As I review this list, it is evident that I do in fact obsess over what’s in the past, and what may be in the future. In fact, everything from the list above exists only in my mind.
I didn’t fabricate this inventory for content sake; these are legitimate scenarios currently happening in my life.
Okay, so we have reviewed the things that are cluttering my mind, and we’ve determined that these are all thoughts about past pain or future fear. Now let’s look at the reality of what is happening in my life right now:
- I’m sitting at my desk typing this article.
- We have a large roll-up garage door in my office, and its open today because the weather is nice. I’m enjoying the fresh air, the sunshine flowing in and the sound of a distant train.
- There is no current threat to my current well-being.
- I’ve eaten, I have plenty of drinking water, and enough resources to last me and my family for the foreseeable future.
- As far as I know, my wife and children are all safe.
See: No real threat exists at the moment. Then why am I feeling anxious inside? Maybe I’m nervous this article will be terrible. I’m afraid of a possible future disappointment.
The events of the past, are only a memory; the future fears aren’t even a reality yet, and it’s likely they never will become reality.
I am enjoying my life at the current moment, so what is there to be anxious about? Nothing.
You can perform the same inventory anytime. Simply evaluate your thoughts, and compare them with the task directly before you to determine if it’s a past pain, future fear or current threat.
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