The Dos and Don’ts of Quitting Your Job
Are you thinking of quitting your job, finding another job or switching careers altogether?
Do you have a needling sensation that Something is not right as each second-minute-day-week-month-year-decade of your life slips by and you find yourself living to work and working to live?
Does the grass seem to be looking greener on the self-employed, unemployed or employed-by-Cici’s-Pizza side every day?
Does this read like some weird, corny, infomercial-style ad copy?
If you thought “yes” to any of those questions, then look no further. Because I, too, have struggled through these harrowing questions.
I put in a resignation letter to my (respectable, well-paying) job two weeks ago. Today marks my first day unemployed.
Let me try that again.
I quit my job and now I’m free.
Mm, let me try that again.
I don’t have a job and now I’m not sure how I’m going to fulfill my financial obligations.
Because we can’t ask the questions from the beginning of this piece without also asking: Do you have rent and bills to pay? Do you like to eat food, sleep inside and wear clothes — all of which require cash money dollars? Do you have enough money to provide all these things for you and your family until the day you die? You don’t? Me niether.
Hm, ok. Let’s try another set of questions.
Why am I such an ungrateful, privileged, delusional little asshole who thinks he’s above working? Why do I think I’m so special that I don’t have to do what literally BILLIONS of people on the planet do every day to support the ones they love? What under-a-rock, fairytale dimension did I come from where people can just not work? How lazy and stupid can a person really be?
Am I even asking the right questions?
Is there ever a right time to do the wrong thing? Am I destined for the inevitable shame that comes from costly mistakes?
Questions require answers. So I wrote myself a letter.
Dear Jonathan (you dumbass),
I heard you’re going to quit your job. Since you’re a special snowflake so hellbent on melting miserably in the infernal heat the world calls Reality, I thought I’d provide you some loose guidance to aid you for the few weeks it’ll take before you swallow your pride, change your mind, update your resume and LinkedIn, and come crawling back to the world of respectable adults.
DON’T (DO IT)
The best way to quit your job is to not quit your job. Don’t quit your job. Do you know how fortunate you are to be earning more than the average American your age? To be earning more than the average American, period? Do you know how hard it is for someone with your *ahem* past to claw their way into the position you’re considering leaving? Do you know how lucky you are to work remotely? Doing satisfying projects for respected clients? To have health and dental insurance? To be able to save money? To have your employer contribute to your 401k?
Your truck will be paid off this month and you’re finally caught up on some of the emergency debt you had to incur — why would you stop the flow of income now that it can really make a difference? Why would you essentially stop right when things are really getting ready to start? You’re not even giving yourself a chance. You’re throwing in the towel. You’re giving up. That’s not who you want to be. Don’t. Quit. Your. Job.
DON’T (QUIT UNTIL YOU HAVE ANOTHER JOB LINED UP)
Fine. Fine. Ok. Look. At least have another job lined up first. Try something else. If the industry is wearing you down, try something adjacent to what you’re doing. Jobs are like insurance, you don’t cancel one policy until you have another locked and loaded to take its place. Incoming money is the same. Have another job lined up. Or at least a strong prospect. Or at least a plan to get another job. Do your 10 applications a day method, that works well. Don’t quit until you have a plan.
DON’T (DIP INTO YOUR SAVINGS)
You already quit without a plan? Christ. Well, don’t dip into your savings. They are for actual crises, not existential crises.
DON’T (YOU FUCKING DARE(!) BORROW MONEY)
Don’t be a burden on others. Pick up a Taco Bell application before you pick up the phone to ask for a loan.
DO (REMEMBER THAT JOBS THEMSELVES AREN’T BAD)
Remember that just because you don’t find traditional employment satisfying, it does not mean it’s inherently bad. Some people find true fulfillment in their professions. Countless people lead full, happy lives flourishing in their jobs. Countless men and women more capable than you define themselves through their career, and they do it with honor, dignity and passion. Like everything in life, there are different strokes for different folks. Don’t shit on those who work. Be grateful for them. Admire them. Respect them. Learn what you can from them. Be grateful for them.
DO (TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE)
If others are depending on you, consult them before making a decision that could so drastically impact their lives. Heed their counsel. Digest their advice. It’s not just about you, so have candid conversations. Be open. Listen.
DO (HAVE A PLAN)
Make sure it’s ambitious. Make sure it’s damn near unbelievable. Make sure it’s 100x more satisfying than the job you’re leaving. Make sure you’re ready to risk it all. Make sure you’re ready to work twice as hard for twice as long. Make sure you’ve got rhino skin. Because remember: if working at an agency made you a crybaby, hunting down clients (as a freelancer) will pulverize you. And submitting yourself to the mercy of the public (as an artist) will disintegrate you.
DO (BE GRATEFUL YOU’RE EVEN ABLE TO CONSIDER QUITTING)
You don’t have a mortgage. Your daughter does not live with you. You’re not tied down financially like many of your peers. What you once viewed as a curse has turned out to be a blessing. Be grateful you’re in a relative position of freedom. Many people are not.
DO (DIP INTO YOUR SAVINGS)
What’s the price of your freedom and happiness? If you can get it for those 5 figures, I’d say you’re getting a bargain. Scared money don’t make money. After all, you quit your job because you had to look out for yourself when and where others would not. If you’re not willing to invest in yourself now, through maybe the second biggest decision of your life, who will? Be shrewd. Be smart. Be tactical. But also, be bold.
DO (QUIT YOUR JOB)
Fuck it. Life’s short. The corporate life is refundable. Deathbed regrets are not.
Hey, but for real, don’t borrow money. I wasn’t joking about that part.
I’m rooting for you, bubba.
Love,
You
