Viviendo en Valencia

Barcelona is the Spanish city you probably hear the most about but I’ll make the case here why you should go to Valencia instead.

First of all, it’s such a better value
I spent about 3 weeks in Barcelona and Valencia seems to have everything that Barcelona does at about half to a third of the cost. In Barcelona a very simple flatshare in a kind of cool neighborhood costs 31 Euros a night, a shitty hostel costs $22 night whereas in Valencia I found that not awful private room flatshares via AirBNB cost $10-$15.
In general the wifi in Barcelona is quiet mediocre, the speeds and reliability are so wanting that it negatively effected my productivity in the time I spent there. Disappointingly, there’s just a single real digital nomad friendly cafe in Barcelona. In contrast, the wifi in Valencia is muy buen! At cafes, restaurants, hostels and AirBNB apartments I consistently found the +20mb up/down connection that I need to do work.
If you really want to go shopping at a Prada store Barcelona’s the city for you but Valencia is overall a whole lot better value for nomadic seducers.

The Women

Young Spanish women are quiet sexy, as sexy as the American latinas of my native Denver, Colorado, the Slavic barbie dolls of Eastern Europe and certainly sexier than Panamanian or Costa Rican women. On the totem pole of scintillating women they are outranked only by Colombianas from my vantage point.
They don’t seem to age really well, most Espanolas over 30 were pretty chunky, they don’t seem to maintain their dangerous curves and slimness like Colombianas often do. So much for the Mediterranean diet!
I’ve met a handful of sexy black Spanish women here actually, if your Starship Enterprise, like mine, is occasionally is drawn irresistibly to explore black holes, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed here. The Spanish negritas are feminine, skinny and curvaceous unlike the total trainwreck that is American black women.
Young Spanish women speak certainly don’t English as well as their German, Bulgarian or Romanian counterparts, but more of them are able to have a basic conversation in English than the almost total lack of English you’ll face in Latin America. If you really want to game latinas but don’t speak any Spanish, Spain is a better bet than say Colombia.


Valencia has the kinds of clubs that my native Denver, Colorado pretends to have. Checkout these mammoth open air discos…

Spanish girls (unfortunately!) don’t like to bump’n grind on the dancefloor with total strangers like in South America. They prefer to dance like retards like most Europeans, so if you really want to bring your dancefloor game, go to the salsa clubs not the mainstream discos. There’s a couple pretty good latin dance clubs there
Akuarela Playa
Agora Salsa
Here’s the PUA Spots in Valencia

Plaza de la Reina

Possibly the best place to daygame in the city. I’m not sure if I’ve encountered as high a frequency of opportunity anywhere else in the city. Lots of pretty girls lackadaisically sight seeing in the plaza; about 50% of the girls you approach will be tourists.


This this is a club that every self respecting seducer who comes through Valencia should visit. It’s such a good club I’m browsing AirBNB right now looking for a flat within stumbling distance of it.
It has a great layout with at least 4 different rooms, a terrace for smoking, plenty of couches for lounging and a smoking area just to the left of the entrance.

I went on a Sunday evening for a 5 EUR latin dance class around 8:30PM and it was packed! As much as I like to arrive late to things I’m finding that if I show up late to these group dance classes it’s a little difficult to get into the rotation of guys and girls dancing, but I weaseled my way in and got my hands on what I was there for. Everyone was doing a basic Bachata dancing move which consisted of a hand twirl, a spin and then the girl humps you for a minute. God bless the frisky bastard who invented Bachata!
An open latin dance night followed the class, consistent with my experience elsewhere latin dance nights attract smaller sets; you meet lots of girls out just with an amiga or even alone, sola. You don’t have to worry much about managing big mixed sets.
The 5 EUR entry included two free drinks supposedly; the grumpy bartender served me my none alcoholic beer with scowl.
I’ll be back!


I went on a Wednesday night, which apparently is their Erasmus student night. Erasmus is a European student exchange program where young Europeans tour around the continent getting intoxicated. They were playing a mashup of salsa, bachata and more popy latin music. It was pretty busy and there were some cute college girls but there was also a lot of dudes, the proportion was not great. One star deducted for no none alcoholic beer. I feel so awkward drinking water in a nightclub. There was no patio or chill area of the bar which creates this weird situation with a lot of people hanging around the entrance of the bar, smoking and sitting on the uncomfortable cement barrister.


After a year of living in Europe this is — hands down — the best disco I’ve been to.

I went on a Friday night for a language exchange in this very swank venue.
The language exchange was, like many language exchanges, a whole lot more recreational than educational, but I met some very cool people at it.

Upstairs is La Terrazza, an open air disco under the soaring modern architecture. Sometime after midnight the nightclub below the Terrazza opened, it consists of latin dance room and an electronica room.

Here I encountered the hottest girls I’ve seen since clubbing in Medellin and Kiev; although it is a quite public venue — there was some scruffy looking backpackers dudes, chubbies there and crusty old ladies all dressed up to compete with the sexy young thangs.

They do serve none-alcoholic beer for the none-retards.

I recommend RSVPing through for free entry.

Akuarela Playa

Europe’s best beach club

I went on a Sunday night when they do salsa and bachata dancing. This is the kind of club that my native Denver, Colorado pretends to have, a stone’s throw from the sand of the beach you’ll find this true open air disco. On Sunday there were three dancefloors open and as expected a lot of good looking chicas.

At a white party literally one of the smallest women I’ve ever seen in my life approached me and asked me to dance. She was under 4 feet tall, I felt a little awkward bachata grinding with a woman the size of a 6 year old girl.

They do serve none-alcoholic beer for the none-retards. I’ll be back!

Carrer de Polo y Peyrolón

Luck would have it that I rented a room just a block from this fairly lively district of town. There’s a couple of (well, I wouldn’t call them clubs) cool lounges that are worth poking your head into.

The Culture

Spain is major contrast to the Eastern Europe, the stereotype is true; Latinos are just way more friendly. I think of a diminutive ancient Catalan women that approached me in a grocery store, tapped my elbow and rambled for a couple minutes about the items she was getting there, she then chatted up the cashier and several other customers in the store. Or the first day I arrived in Valencia I was wondering through the winding streets of the old town (likely with a puzzled look on my face) an elderly Spanish couple stopped me and gave me directions to just were I need to go.

The Noche de San Juan is this ridiculous, boozy all night night beach party, there is like 5000 young people hanging out at Valencia’s beach this night. You’re supposed to jump over 7 bonfires and 7 waves and then you make a wish, but mostly people just drink a lot and dance awkwardly in the sand. I usually don’t peacock but this seemed like a great occasion to dress completely inappropriately, I wore my white suit jack, nice shirt and a red tie.
I was intermittent no boozing during the party so instead I got a bit fucked up on my Biohacker party cocktail of Nicotine solution, Black Tea and a little higher dose of Phenibut.

You’ll quickly become accustomed to egregiously bad and lazy service. It’s quiet a contrast to eastern Europe, where there’s a cute young girl who stands at the entrance of every restaurant or cafe and bekons passersby; these girls have just slightly more more responsibility than a cardboard cutout of a cute girl would have; they don’t actually seat you and give you a menu, they just gesture towards an open table, they can’t bring you water or appetizers, they can’t bring you your check, and they certainly don’t seem to be able to answer any questions about the restaurant or menu. In Spain the cute girl is replaced by a just slightly more competent male waiter, who are eager to hustle you into their restaurant, yet consistently have really bad attitudes and forget your orders. Since I’ve lived in Spain I’ve began eating in more just to avoid the bad experience.
I recall after a walking tour me and a group of about 20 other thirsty tourists were looking for a bar to relax at, the first place we entered the waiter looked up from playing on his phone at our group of gringos eager to drop some coin. He cavalierly told us he couldn’t serve us and turned us away.

This is one Western European city that doesn’t seem to be selling it’s soul out to jarring multiculturalism.

The festivals are Spanish festivals celebrating San Juan, San Jose, Santa Maria, San this, San that… Anywhere public you’ll see and hear mostly just Spanish people. Many businesses close in the mid afternoon for siesta. Walking through the center at night you won’t be harassed by dodgy guys who speak really shitty Spanish and English trying to sell you drugs, water and other things you really don’t need.
English is nowhere as ubiquitous as in the rest of Europe. All the black people I met were actually Spanish themselves. A couple of my roommates were immigrants but they were from South America, Peru and Argentina.

The pickup line that seems to be working for me here is:

  1. Approach, tap elbow
  2. With a cheeky/cocky smile “Hola puedo bailar por unos minutos” Hi I can dance for a few minutes
  3. Pull towards the dancefloor

Need some more material for seducing en espanol?

The Food

I was kind of underwhelmed by; maybe I wasn’t going to swanky enough restaurants but I just found Spanish food meh.
Paella is just rice with some vegetables, patatas bravas just tastes like french fries and ketchup to me, I tried tapas a few places and didn’t fall in love, nothing else I tried made much of an impression
I was on a 90 day period of intermittent no boozing, which I did cheat on with a single small glass of Agua de Valencia, which is a sugar fruity drink that I could imagine a 21 year old girl in a miniskirt getting drunk off and then losing her bedazzled iphone, but other than that I can’t comment on the quality of beer or wine there.
I was a bit disappointed in the selection of the main grocery stores Consumo and Mercadona, which you’ll find on nearly every block, there was a couple of items like probiotic yogurt and blue berries that I had gotten used to eating in elsewhere that I had trouble finding. The main staples of my diet; coconuts, avocados, tuna and salad were noticeably overpriced compared to Eastern or Central Europe. I was happy to find a swanky, overpriced organic grocery store just off Blasco Ibañez where I could drop some euros for the kinds of food stuffs my snobbish, foodie palette demands.


In 2 months I stayed in 7 different Airbnb apartments in different neighborhoods around town. Some of the neighborhoods are quiet boring and I ended up staying in my flat for days on end. The city center El Carmen neighborhood is very picturesque and good for daygaming tourists ohhing and awwing at the architecture but I discovered that the area just south of the university and just north or south of Blasco Ibañez is the place to be! It’s about a…

5 minute walk to my favorite cafe
Quick tram ride to the beach
10 minute cab ride to Umbracle
10 minute cab ride to the bars and pubs in el Carmen
There’s at least one major disco on Blasco Ibañez and the barrio is swarming with young people during the weekends
And there’s abundant bars and restaurants for your day twos
I rarely stepped outside of my flat there without seeing a young lady strolling down the avenue who caught my crossed eyed and I stayed there during the summer time — I can imagine it being a real daygame shangri-la during the school season! And it’s quiet affordable; I rented private rooms in flats for 15–20 EUR nightly — what else can you ask for!

The Beach

After all those cold months shivering in Eastern Europe, this strip of warm white sand beneath my toes was glorious to experience. Maravilloso beach has a couple of little tiki style bars along it that are great for getting a smoothie and chatting up some strangers.

The Cafes

I found three digital nomad friendly spots to hangout, eat and drink; Mayan Coffee and Zumm Ensalada. Mayan has real coffee that meets my high standards for the dark nectar, Zumm’s coffee is not as good, which it’s healthy salads, wicked fast wifi and standing desk bar make up for! In the cool neighborhood south of the university I found Bastard Coffee (great name!) which typifies what people call a great space, it’s a very sunny (yet excellently air conditioned) cafe, although the chairs are a bit uncomfortable.

The weather is truly heavenly, at least during the early summer when I was there. The temps hovered between 60–80 degrees fahrenheit. I think it rained once in the 2 months I spent there. The locals tell me that the weather doesn’t change much throughout the year.

The ‘Networking’ Groups

Here’s one dimension in which Barcelona is the better city, there’s a true abundance of ‘networking’ opportunities. For being such a beautiful city full of swanky bars, cafes and restaurants you would think there would be more going on in Valencia; although there’s a couple of groups worth joining
Valencia Language Exchange — Organizes language exchanges several times a week
Expats in Valencia — Is the place to get your questions about the city answered in English
Crazy Erasmus Valencia — As far as I can tell is a nightlife promotional page that does quiet rowdy parties to make sure the European exchange students are distracted by partying and hungover at least a couple of times a week. Being college nights, their parties are sometimes sausage fests, but worth checking out.
Internations Valencia — Is nowhere near as active as in some cities.
RSD Inner Circle Valencia — Is weak. None of these guys go out and actually game.
Perhaps it’s good that the city’s a little weak in the ‘networking’ department, in cities that have great events going on everyday there’s a real danger of networking so much that you get no actual work done!
Also for pickup artists ‘networking’ can become a bit of crutch — a pathway to fake abundance — you line up networking events every night where you are always meeting new people so you can rationalize…
Not going out explicitly to game
Not approaching that cutie in the cafe
Or not doing that final approach in the club before calling it a night

Transportation is a bit of a challenge. There’s no convenient metro system like Berlin or some other cities I’ve spent time in. The bus and tram system in the city takes about as much time to get places as walking does, which I’m not going to complain a whole lot about since walking places is a simple pleasure that I actually enjoy. For longer distance trips, I used the MyTaxi app, which works pretty good to get a relatively friendly taxi at your curb within about 10 minutes but it’s kind of a rip off; costing at least 9–10 EURs for even a short trip home from the club. There’s another app called Taxis Valencia, which doesn’t rip you off but it seemed to take a little longer to actually get you a taxi. There’s no Uber or good value ride sharing service here.

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