Impeccable Taste

by Duncan Jones

“We have impeccable taste!”
Bragged the pigs, “We’ve had it all!
We can tell the food for rats
From the food served at a ball!

Just bring it here, and we will check
If what you have is good
And then we’ll let you know
If you are eating what you should.”

So the farmyard brought their breakfasts
And the big ones ate and ate
Until they could hardly stand up
Let alone fit through the gate

Then “No!” they sniffed and snorted
“You didn’t miss a thing
Of course we would’ve shared
Had it been fit for queen or king

“Trust us!” they oinked, again, again
“We have impeccable taste!
This morning’s fare was garbage
(But it’s still best not to waste)

This afternoon we’ll try once more -
Make sure your level met
You’re so regal, handsome, pretty
It is the best that you should get!”

So the farmyard brought their lunches
And the big ones slurped and slopped
Until they could hardly walk at all
So right there they simply dropped

“Unbelievable!” they gasped and grunted
“We just can’t believe this now!
We should stand up to that farmer!
Go on like this? But how?”

And the crowd around agreed
For they were hungry without food
Soon they believed the pigs were right
That farmer was quite rude!

The pigs then huffed, “Come now, calm down!
Let’s give him one more try
And if he fails us this time
We’ll break out of pen and sty!”

So the farmyard brought their dinners
And the pigs ate every bite
Then with sorrow raised the swine their eyes
“We must prepare to fight!

That dinner was an insult!
Fit for no one in this land!
Does he think that we don’t care?
That we will not make a stand?”

“No way!” all of the hungry cried
“We will not stand for such!
We must go make him punished
For starving us so much!”

Just then arrived the sheepdogs though
Who held them all at bay
“Impeccable taste? Absurd!
It’s your fault you’re in this way!

You don’t deserve the food he brings
Or the safety of your pens!”
They snapped at goats and horses
They glared at cows and hens

Then wagging, laughed the sheepdogs
“Oh friends, have you been burnt!
Every one of you was happy
Until the pigs just said you weren’t!”

And of course there was some challenge
For such truth is hard and cold
But in the end they all calmed down
Having learned they’d all been sold

So be weary of the architect
Who says his work’s been checked
And listen not to those who flatter
Nor to those who misdirect

And it is because of situations just like this that every farmer keeps at least one good dog.