The Octopus Squid

Duncan Jones
Oct 3 · 4 min read

by Duncan Jones

There once upon a time
Was an Octopus shy
Who from any and all always hid
He loved to draw and write stories
And was covered in ink
And so any and all called him “Squid”

At the same time he’d sketch
He could sit down and write
Read a book and tattoo a shark
Make some tea, shoo a bee
Wave at you, fly a kite
All while teaching his fish how to bark

He’d make gadgets or knickknacks
Or magnets or quick snacks
Sell sea shells that nobody was using
Songs and pictures of whales
Tablecloths made of sails
There was something for everyone’s choosing

Well … as shy as he was
Papers typed, he was hyped
And in time some came down from above
Then more and more often
To see what he offered
Up on land Squid’s stuff was quite loved

Down in Coral Metropolis
Lived another sweet octopus
And Squid could do nothing but stare
It was love at first sight
She had dark ocean eyes
And had long sea anemone hair

So well how did Squid do?
(Turns out she liked him too)
And each time she came beautifully gliding
To his store she’d look round
But no one there to be found
Poor Squid would be hidden and hiding

She was on his mind though
Wherever he’d go
To the point where he’d lose concentration
His creations would falter
He’d mix and he’d alter
But no matter, he beamed with elation

One day came down a rope
From a mighty big boat
With a mighty big anchor attached
One with big Dallas hair
And a quite callous air
Wearing so many gems that she flashed

“I hear you do quite a lot!?”
She asked with some sass
As she wandered Squid’s store rather madly
“You say this stuff gets bought?”
Then she broke some stained glass
“All these things have been done rather badly!

There’s ink this tea
And quite soon it will be
Cold, you should serve it much hotter
Fish can’t bark, they are FISH!
That book’s upside down!
And anyone can fly a kite under water!

There’s a bee in here buzzing
And a shark outside fussing
You tattooed the wrong name on his tail
It’s the name of a she
And I’d bet she’s one to see
I want more than this typical sale!”

Just right then is when
Squid’s so called girlfriend
Dropped by introducing herself
Money — “Oooh yes she’s quite a find
What’s the price Squid? She’s mine!
No I didn’t see her on the shelf!”

Girl — “Squid what’s going on?”
Squid — “NO! You’ve got this all wrong”
Money — “Oh YES! I could see her in a cage!
Boys grab her right now
And send the net down!”
That’s when Squid took control of the stage …

“No she isn’t a prize!”
Squid said lifting his eyes
“This girl works for me in the store
She isn’t for sale
Not for the price of a whale!
So you’ll have to keep looking before

I really get mad
See right now I’m still glad
So buy something else or please go!”
Money’s eyes now so flared
With a rage as she glared
So once again Squid simply said, “No!

You must be joking, you WISH!
That I’ve been training fish!”
Squid bluffed, “Just a show for the babies!”
They’re no more than a drill
I just practice my skill
But here’s what impresses the ladies …”

Then he commanded and waved
Pretended something obeyed
And called out to the deep water black
“Oh KILLER come home
From wherever you roam!”
Well surprise! Something really came back!

One yelled out “Squid!”
And scared now Squid hid
Disappeared, became part of the ground
A real giant squid rose
And it’s huge arms came close
And those mean ones have never been found

It’s really quite funny
They left plenty of money
To pay for the item she broke
Still lies the big anchor
(It was bought by a banker)
And that’s how Squid became a tough bloke

Girl — “Oh Squid you were so great
Turning them into bait
I knew that I wanted to meet you!”
Squid — “Oh no please now keep quiet
Where is that huge giant?
He’s not mine, I don’t want him to eat you!”

Girl — “Ohhhhh, about that big guy
I admire your try
But that giant was one of my spells
But I’m still so impressed
Squid I think you’re the best
Is it cool if I wear your sea shells?

It takes a real sea witch
To deal with a real (lady)
You were really so brave, you should know it!”
Squid — “I don’t know why I hide …”
Girl — “But your brave down inside
It’s ok if you don’t always show it!”

Squid — “I really do train a FEW fish
And I know how to STEW fish
Maybe you’d like to come over for dinner?
Sometime around nine?”
Girl — “And then stay ’til bedtime?”
And Squid finally felt like a winner!

Squid — “I know I’ve been kinda lame
Not asking your name
I’ve been wanting to now for a while.”
Girl — “I know how it feels.
By the way I train eels!
And officially, ‘Ursula!’” she smiled …

Duncan Jones

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