Baby Steps into the Unsteadiness of a Life Less Temporary
Like Fik-Shun in the clip above, but for different reasons, I have felt “A Little Unsteady” for the past 4 months.
The unsteady feeling, for me stems from a life is in a huge state of transition right now, from one of a temporary existence in any location to one of “settling down” or “nesting” — both of which are just flat out foreign concepts to me.
…was the word my brother used to describe how he felt about the sweeping life changes I have made. His point was more or less, “Eight months ago, I would have bet serious money that a life including marriage and kids was just not your thing.”
“Frozen” is the word I would use.
As a result of all the change, my feet have felt frozen into place — every movement feels terrifying, every decision huge. If I am honest, I believe the root of that is the fear that I will choose incorrectly, that I will dissapoint, that maybe, just maybe I won’t be amazing at figuring out this new life.
So perfection or failure? Those are my options? How limiting.
And maybe, just maybe, that fear of failure has caused me to hide a little. It’s a vulnerable thing to ask for help and so I find it easier to watch TV or movies, read a book, clean the house… Anything that will keep me from moving forward.
The Truth? I know better.
I have tools to move through this, tools that took me a long time to learn and develop:
- Self Care: Meditation, journaling, yoga (this could also be identified prayer or quiet time for some). I need to take some moments each day to reflect and identify the emotions driving me.
- Movement: Baby steps forward. Whether or not the direction changes, it doesn’t matter, I just need to start some movement in any direction. Inherent in that movement is the release of the Need for a Final Picture and the desire to look for and take the Next Right Step.
- Giving Myself the Freedom to Fall: I know one thing for sure — babies, when they are learning to walk, fall down. A lot. And its shocking and sometimes it hurts, but it’s because they were moving forward, testing their ability just to get to that next spot.
- Allow Myself to Move Slowly: I am used to doing 14 different things at break neck speed. I need to give myself the space and room to move slowly, to tackle change piecemeal.
- Celebrate the Small Wins: Maybe it’s a gold star in my journal, maybe it’s the ability to cross everything off a list. Either way, I need to give myself the room to acknowledge these tiny movements as markers of success.
And so, today, because I know better, the little unsteady movements begin.
“Every success story is a tale of constant adaption, revision and change.”
— Richard Branson
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