The Proust Questionnaire
35 Questions on Love, Death, Happiness & the Meaning of Life
Below I take a punt at answering the famous compendium of 35 questions designed to provoke deep introspection and reveal one’s ‘true nature’. Hat tip to Alastair Humphreys for the nudge to give these a shot (read Al’s answers).
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
I believe joy is the perfect happiness that doesn’t depend on what happens. From my own lived experience I know that I could paint a picture of my ‘perfect’ conditions (i.e. living in a treehouse that I had built myself right in front of a world class surf break, surrounded by books etc.) but still not feel content. That only comes from time spent polishing the mental lens of gratitude and appreciation.
2. What is your greatest fear?
I feel fear all the time, but that’s sort of the point. The physical sensations of fear and excitement can be similar, it’s often just the mental story that changes. My greatest fear would likely be losing the capacity and vulnerability to be able to sit with the fear itself. Sometimes it’s overwhelming but like an overprotective bodyguard I know it’s only there to help keep me from doing things which back in the caveman era would have likely resulted in death.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I have generally tended to avoid confrontation to avoid ‘rocking the boat’ so to speak. I’m learning to get better at saying no and set boundaries where appropriate.
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Small mindedness and lack of gratitude. You know… the people who always find a reason to complain, get angry or make ungenerous assumptions about others’ motives.
5. Which living person do you most admire?
I could list several, but the person who comes to mind today is the Irish philosopher poet David Whyte. His mastery of the crafting prose and deep sincere love for the world is truly remarkable.
6. What is your greatest extravagance?
Good coffee. I wouldn’t like to think how much money I’ve spent on coffee-related paraphernalia over the years…
7. What is your current state of mind?
Curious and centred.
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
9. On what occasion do you lie?
Reading Sam Harris’ book ‘Lying’ was a revelation (he calls it a ‘firmware upgrade). I was unaware of how many little ‘untruths’ I was in the habit of making. Mostly just to avoid commitments or weasel out of events that I didn’t really want to attend. I’d tell myself that this was to be polite but in reality I was just selfishly avoiding potential confrontation.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I’m follically challenged! When one of my (now close friends) first described me to another mutual friend he said “He seems like a great guy but I think he shaves his chest!” I didn’t shave my chest… thankfully I have now ‘matured’ to the point where I’ve stopped naming individual chest hairs, but it might be nice to wake up one morning with the option of having a thick lumberjack beard to run my hands through.
11. Which living person do you most despise?
The current US president would be up there. Although, I’ve been thinking that if I had been born with his exact genes, his family, his upbringing and endless need to impress in order to feel worthy… chances are that I wouldn’t have turned out much different.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Creative enthusiasm.
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Creative enthusiasm.
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
‘Sure thing’… ‘Awesome’… or ‘one double espresso please!’
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My beloved Sophie Spooner, who showed me what it means to love.
16. When and where were you happiest?
Anywhere that I’m present enough to notice my surroundings.
17. Which talent would you most like to have?
To be able to play jazz ukulele well enough to jam with Jake Shimabukaro.
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would morph into a dolphin 🐬
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making it through a 10 day silent vipassana meditation retreat in the wake of feeling intense waves of grief.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A dolphin 🐬
21. Where would you most like to live?
Yikes that’s tough. There are many places that I feel drawn to… the Irish Wild Atlantic Way, Vancouver island, the lush island of Kauaii (in Hawaii), the Algarve region in Portugal. The common threads are mostly access to wilderness, consistent surf and people with big hearts.
22. What is your most treasured possession?
A beautiful map of the Canadian West Coast, lovingly illustrated by one of my closest friends.
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Losing the one you love the most in the world.
24. What is your favorite occupation?
Being dipped in great expanses of salty water—either surfing or swimming or freediving.
25. What is your most marked characteristic?
Relentless optimism.
26. What do you most value in your friends?
Kindness… and not taking things too seriously.
27. Who are your favorite writers?
Alan Watts, Ursula K Le Guin, Nietzsche, Joseph Campbell, David Whyte, Rainer Maria Rilke, Sam Harris, Viktor Frankl… I couldn’t possibly narrow down any further. These and many more have forged my worldview.
28. Who is your hero of fiction?
I always identified with Ged (Sparrowhawk) the wizard of Roke and his adventures in Ursula K Le Guin’s “EarthSea quartet”, he was hunted by an evil power until he was able to name the shadow and understand that it was a dark part of himself.
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Probably Charles Darwin’s beagle! I’ve been ridiculously fortunate that through no real doing of my own (except maybe a ‘dogged’ enthusiasm) to have experienced some great adventures in my relatively short time on this planet but have always aimed to embrace them with great enthusiasm.
30. Who are your heroes in real life?
Anyone with the courage to listen to what their heart and gut are telling them and then act on it.
31. What are your favorite names?
Mogs, short for ‘Mogadishu’, the name of our old ginger cat, adopted from a family of Somalian refugees.
32. What is it that you most dislike?
The feeling of being too busy to talk to strangers or to notice the beauty around me.
33. What is your greatest regret?
There are events that have happened in my life that have caused immense pain, but to regret those would seem to be an exercise in denying life itself.
34. How would you like to die?
Consciously. And preferably in the knowledge that I made the most of my brief journey on this pale blue dot.
35. What is your motto?
Hold generous assumptions. Make courageous decisions. Live the questions.
