What do we do with a problem like Farage?

Unlike the other defeated leaders, Farage tried to resign but wasn’t allowed to. If he had stuck to his guns, what could he do next? Here we explore his opportunities.

‘Resign, no, I mean holiday! But if they want me back they can have me, oh they want me back. Can’t resign. But I did try!’**

**Not a direct quote.

What he actually said was “I know that you’re used to party leaders making endless excuses that they don’t actually keep, but I’m a man of my word, I don’t break my promises…I intend to take the summer off, enjoy myself, not do very much at all and then there will be a leadership election for the next leader of Ukip in September and I will consider over the course of this summer whether to put my name forward and do that job again.”

Three days later he’s back. You were supposed to take summer off Nigel, really contemplate politics, discover yourself then come back.

So what next?

Being the character is he is, perhaps Farage’s best option is to go into TV. There are multiple opportunities here to work on and build an even bigger cult of personality.

Deal or No Deal

Nigel, unable to fulfil his dream to make a special deal becomes a dream builder for others. Noel Edmonds gets the chop and in steps Farage as the new presenter of daytime tv’s greatest show. Restrictions would be placed on his time talking to his old mate the banker. Uses his great skill at adding spice and hyperbole to a tired format.

Everybody Hates Nigel

The kid is ditched and the sitcom becomes about a man who divides opinion wherever he goes. Dropped into a Brooklyn neighbourhood, Nigel must live with a family with very different cultural norms to his own. He shows everyone he isn’t racist and the tide turns in UKIP’s favour. Ten years later, Britain has left the EU but Farage decides New York is his spiritual home and emigrates to the Big Apple.

Would I lie to You? Politician’s Special

Nigel gets to host a special of the truth or lie game but this time politicians are encouraged to lie. We find out who the most convincing lier is among them. An incredibly cathartic experience for the contestants who are finally allowed to lie in public.

Extreme Fishing with Nigel Farage

Nigel replaces Robson Green in the hit fishing show. Out on the rough seas, Nigel must fish for his life while he is confronted first hand with the results of an unjust and broken world — mass immigration.

Other non-tv ideas…

Pub Landlord

There’s no place like home and perhaps Farage is most at home down his local pub. He is a man of the people, he drinks pints, he puts a glass on his head, he chats to his own demographic, he attempts to woo the middle aged man trying to escape his noisy family after a long day at work who just wants to be left alone. He can do all this and more behind the bar, sell only English booze and hang out in his own smoking room whenever he wishes. Heaven.

The Archers

Becomes a new outspoken character on The Archers who drives Ambridge round the bend. He plays a banker come pig farmer who moves next door to the only Romanian in the village. Mayhem ensues. This would be a fine platform to win over the electorate’s hearts.

Whatever Nigel chooses we wish him all the best. Pub Landlord or The Archers probably have legs and would be far less stressful than politics. It’s out our hands…but you did say you’d quit. Give it a think, yeah Nige?