My sister, adoption and my daughter Esme.
My sister, Ali and her husband adopted two children (big pig (5) and piglet (2)) back in 2016. I knew that things could get tricky when Esme came along so I decided to check my sister was OK.
My sister Ali had always been quite ill from an early age. Appendicitis when she was 7, ME, glandular fever and gall stones when she was slightly older. All of these unfortunately led to the fact that she would never be able to have children naturally.
Even when I read that it really pulls at my heart strings. Not being able to have children. As a father of our 7 month old daughter Esme, I know I am very very lucky. I can’t really comprehend what not being able to have children feels or looks like.
Honesty. There you go !
However, like most things the two of us do. When we think we want to do something that will help our lives become better in some way. We go head first, unrelenting into it.
Whether it is writing, developing relationships with those that matter or adopting children. Whatever ‘it’ is. We embrace it and make the best out of the situation that is presented.
That is what Ali and her husband did. They started looking into adoption. Reading those words back makes it sound easy, but it’s not. The journey was often bumpy and the outcome not always certain.
When, we as a family, knew that everything was going to come into place and that big pig and piglet (I’m not able to use real names) would become part of the family, grandchildren; nieces and nephews I knew it was time to address something that Ali might have found difficult.
Esme came into the world on 6th September and the love you feel for your child, as everyone who has had children will explain to you, is unconditional, to fathom what that really means is impossible. You need to be able to give up yourself wholeheartedly to that person. They require your every move and breath to be about them. Which is right. That’s how it should be.
Now flip that, Ali and her husband adopted their children when they were 4 and 18 months. They hadn’t had the initial bond from an early age. This I struggle to comprehend. In all honesty, I don’t know if I am a strong enough person to be able to do it. But when you have no other options. Maybe you can. Maybe you can push yourself to provide for children who have not had a good start in life, who (well big pig especially) are so intrinsically intuitive to other people’s feelings and emotions that you can connect with them.
Even at a very early age, it’s what they have been through that make them who they are. They are both lovely, awesome, independent children who brighten up your day.
Recently when I had my ankle operation big pig came over to the house and he came and sat on my lap and checked to see how I was. He asked me questions about my leg and hoped I was ok. This is so emotionally aware of adults let alone for a 5 year old, that it really took my breath away.
Returning to my sister, I knew that with Esme here it might be difficult for her. To be able to be an instant mum of two and then have a baby niece at the same time may have been too much for her. That’s when I thought counselling could help my sister come to terms with the situation. Ali had always said she wasn’t too keen on babies. I always remember her saying that, at the time I thought it was a bit odd. But now I know that it was her protection mechanism to help her deal with the situation she found herself in.
Our wider family now has three children in it, from none back at the start of 2016. It has been a learning curve for everyone concerned. But with our situations we have adapted and become even closer. I feel I am more close with my sister than ever before, yes we have bumps along the way but then I think every family does.
I’m lucky. We’re lucky.
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