Agnostic as Fuck

But here’s the upside

Not that there’s a downside, in my estimation at least. It’s just that I’ve been wearing this shield of “your religion won’t trap me” for so long that there’s a certain insecurity in wielding my “your god is not welcome here” rhetoric.

I usually tell people I’m an Atheist. It’s simpler this way because most people understand the term and, in instances where I don’t feel like discussing it — the conversation ends. Especially with those believers who seem to harbor resentment to those of us unbridled with belief.

But here’s the thing with Atheism vs Agnosticism — the latter actually acknowledges that there could be a higher power — it would just be nice to have some fucking proof. Know what I’m saying?

Actually, I’m being trite.

For me, there’s little doubt of a higher power. I should also state that I emphatically believe that we are not alone in the universe and that we are in fact — surrounded by alien life forms. Yes, those “little green men” from other places in the galaxy. I have believed this since I was a child and not because of Area 51 or bizarre tales in comic books that I read growing up. It is instinctive. Any time I stared into the heavens on a dark night and saw the marvel of the universe shining before me — I knew.

I knew, even as a youngster that it would be sheer ignorance to believe that we are alone…

This got me thinking about people that pray. I was watching the Voice (an amazing singing show that showcases some unbelievable talent) and this lady who brought her family with and the way they all made the gesture — hands raised, head bowed — acknowledging god. And I really respected that. The importance, the conviction in recognizing that there are other forces at work in the world. The conviction that we are not alone and perhaps, destiny needs the occasional push with a “can I get a amen?”.

As an also fatalist, this was somewhat of a revelation for me. With my notion that everything is predestined and that we’ve been here before and, while I do believe that we can change our personal direction, for the most part, it has already played itself out in the universe and we are merely facilitating the movement of said universe in a orderly fashion.

You still with me?

What I said was that we all play a part in a big machine that just keeps moving forward and outward regardless of what actions we take. Yes, singularly — we are insignificant.

So what is the purpose of acknowledging a higher power or praying then?

It comes down to affirmation and positive thought. Who would you rather be around? Someone who sees the cup half full or that person that chronically sees the cup as half empty, pulling you into their vortex of misery?

Well, if you believe everything is predestined — it’s makes the question doubly difficult to answer because… misery is a much easier path to follow.

But it does not change the fact that you have the choice: to be miserable or, to be a positive light that infects those around you. Like many, I have been both the miserable SOB and the person so infectiously happy that some other SOB has wanted to stab me in the heart.

The antagonist who serves up a shit storm when life is bleak , a mission that seems clear — reign down holy terror on those around you. Then, there is the protagonist, that inner child that sees the simple joy in life and wants others to see and embrace those same joys.

For me, that seems to sum up the purpose of prayer. The cup runneth over when caught up in the celebration of life and god and “do unto thy neighbor” and so on and so forth.

My problem with all of this is that it seems faith is misplaced most of the time. It’s always about “the book”, written by men, men I might add who were insecure and saw the world much differently and with less realistic, or perhaps less enlightened views then we see the world today.

What would a bible look like written today, a book not caught up in the noise of medieval times? No doubt, they were simpler times but, a time where science wasn’t there to offer a glimpse into the world as it really is. A world where research, with sound theory and practice were not readily available. A book written and based on those most basic of observations, fueled almost entirely by emotional response from a barbaric, far less introspective time.

Proof of god isn’t needed. Is it? I have faith. Maybe I’m not Agnostic.

Sometimes I tell people I’m spritual — leaning toward quasi-Buddhist imperialistic views. I’m not sure what that means — other than believing you get what you put into the universe. Treat every living (when I say this, there is a conviction in my belief that even an ant deserves respect and that killing it is only acceptable if done with no malice of forethought) being on this planet deserves to be here and should be revered. We are all part of a magnificent chain of life that needs to be resepcted.

And maybe that is the higher power. Life itself. We’re all plugged into it. It’s the energy of that life, the heartbeat. Perhaps religion is just noise that keeps us separated from both destiny and ulitimately, our salvation. Of course; like religion, this is purely conjecture on my part.

At the end of the day, I’m a idealist. I see a world where we stop killing each other in the name of some unseen deity that commands us to do bizarre and morally reprehensible things ie: using god as the ultimate get out of jail free card when killing and torturing those whose faith doesn’t align with yours.

Isis, Jewish, Catholic…the list is long and all those on that list have blood on their hands. And that in itself should be the tell. If you need to kill to demonstrate that your religion is the spiritual nirvana, then something was lost in the translation over the millennium.

Of course — this opens the door for discussions about a beastly like creature, born of god him/herself and condemned to live among us in eternal damnation. But that’s another conversation altogether.

If you’re coming at me with “my god” then you’ve missed the point of this exercise. There is no god. There is only you and me. What do you think would happen if we spent our time promoting nothing but positive thought?

That’s right, we’d all be Atheists.

Wink, wink — nudge nudge. Say no more, say no more.
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