Can I? Can You?

In a season of transition, this can be such a hard thing. Where will I be in a few months? Will I like it? Will I be happy? I literally have no idea, and I do not mean in the sense that none of us know what the future may bring, but I mean, beyond that, in a far more practical way. I graduate Duke, pending no surprises, in May. Then what? I am on the track to be licensed to minister by the United Methodist Church. I have no idea where I will be.

It is scary.

It is uncomfortable.

For a person who struggles with anxiety and panic disorder, this is not easy. My supervisor suggested I live into a prayer of the Methodist founder, John Wesley. See below. Can I pray it? Can I actually pray this and mean it? Can you?

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,thou art mine, and I am thine.So be it.And the covenant which I have made on earth,let it be ratified in heaven.Amen.