50 Rules for Life at a Liberal Arts College

Jon Walsh
Jon Walsh
Sep 6, 2018 · 4 min read

50. Try the cafeteria Hummus it can be surprisingly good

49. No student sticker on your car means there is no such thing as campus parking tickets

48. Play all 18 holes on the school golf course in both the early fall & early spring

47. Don’t drive on main street back to campus, take the offramp from the highway whenever possible

46. Eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once a month

45. Unless you want to be a father, don’t use condoms from the Residential life offices

44. On the 1st day of classes be sure to backhand complement yourself several times during introductions

43. Log in to Moodle to check your assignments. Take a long procrastinating nap. Log back in to Moddle

42. Repeat rule #43 several times over

41. Get food for the employees sitting in the front of the cafeteria , they are incredibly nice

40. Participate in a snowball fight in the winter

39. Go to the 24 hour section of the library to finish working but fall asleep instead

38. Dorm parties are fun, but remember that the local bar just up the road has far, far lower standards

37. Anytime you do a reading for class, write down page numbers of important quotes on the first few pages so that you can easily find them again when it comes time to write your paper

36. If your living on Campus, buy a warm blanket for winter and multiple fans for summer

35. Take any class with with a long tenured History professor

34. Occasionally take small groups of students out to eat, they really appreciate it

33. Stay away from the gym between 5 -8 pm it’s just way to crowded

32. One day don’t participate in class discussions. Just listen to what other students say

31. After a long cold winter, take one of the first warm spring days to skip class and just simply enjoy the weather

30. Volunteer for community projects

29. Attend a lecture from a guest speaker whom you really disagree with

28. Find the best Italian restaurant in your city

27. When walking by, pick up loose wrappers around campus

26. Buy a Canada Goose jacket, then find another student with one. Legend has it that if two Canadian geese jackets touch each other, a magic goose appears and will fly you away

25. Attend a school basketball game

24. Volunteer to drive students on Facebooks rideshare when you can

23. Randomly assert your dominance, then feign like it was an accident. You will be forgiven but people will never test you again

22. Purchase a quality pair of sandals

21. Don’t wear Crocs

20. Pay an impromptu visit to to the administrative office and bring the employees something sweet

19. When someone you know walks past without saying hello, call them out on it

18. Buy several cases of water for the first week of classes The alcohol is a given but it’s amazing how quickly everyone becomes dehydrated

17. If you feel like a professor is purposefully deflating your grades, attend office hours and tell them about how hard your life has been. I have no idea why but this actually seems to work fairly often

16. Read as many books in the school library as you possibly can before you graduate. Seems odd, but the closer you get to graduation the more you will wish you had

15. Invest in a stapler

14. Introduce yourself to a veteran on campus

13. Become familiar with the art of saying what you truly mean but disguising it so well behind an endless series of meaningless platitudes that no one really either agrees or disagrees with anything you have said

12. Check out the local art scene

11. Submit an article from your perspective to the student news paper

10. Under no circumstances should you ever jump into a school campus lake

9. If you’re riding a Schwinn bike while wearing ray-bans you are required to talk like a Kennedy

8. Take over a class discussion by constantly citing Freud

7. Play with the campus dogs

6. Watch a favorite movie to pump yourself up before writing any difficult papers

5. Close your book and take a nap

4. Visualize success

3. Check out the night stars from a campus building roof

2. Stay away from 8th year seniors

1. Pass on your own tips to future students

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