Notice:
As of November 10, 2018, I’ve decided to unlist this post and work on both a revised / clarified version as well as a follow-up post that covers what has happened since the writing of this journey.
In all honesty, I find a lot of what I have written about here and how it was been framed reprehensible, egotistical (shamefully, given the nature of the post) and blatantly immature… thus, an update is in order which I aim to get around to when I take some time off in January.
Introduction:
It was March of 2016 when a new friend introduced me to the world of psychedelics, kindly gifting me a few tabs of LSD to try out. Little did I know life would never be the same again.
After over two dozen trips with a range of different psychedelics, I wanted to share what my experience has been like; highlighting the good, the bad and the absolutely terrifying, as well as the key insights that I have taken away.
I personally feel as though psychedelics are such an under-utilised technology in society, neglected by the masses out of fear and legal status without an evidence-based justification for such an opposition.
It’s important for people to speak out about psychedelics, to once again normalise a safe and therapeutic set of plant medicines that have been integrated into cultures for thousands of years.
I will not only be highlighting the good stuff though, as there are certainly potential consequences one might not realise that I have learned the hard way. Understanding the risks could help you stay on the right path when your reality is melting around you.
If you’re new to the psychedelic experience, I highly recommend watching this quick video before reading on ⬇️
My first trip:
My first experience was quite unexpected, actually. It was on a first date with somebody I had just met on Tinder, who saw the tabs sitting on the bench above my bed and got all excited, then insisted we go down the rabbit hole together.
Though I was quite hesitant at the idea initially—dropping acid with some stranger who I only met an hour ago, sitting together in my apartment about to go into an unknown state of consciousness—it was the perfect opportunity, and as somewhat of a thrill seeker I gladly consumed the red pill, so to speak.
We took 1.5 tabs of LSD each (150mcg), and proceeded to watch the documentary Baraka. In another unexpected turn of events, 45 minutes later we both turned to one another in tears, staring deeply into each others eyes, saddened by the horrific nature of what we were watching. Up until that moment in my life, I had no idea it was possible to have such a deep emotional connection with somebody in such a short amount of time. It was overwhelming to say the least.
From that point, we very quickly transitioned from sadness to arousal. I was shocked by how sensitive tactile functions became; merely skirting her fingers through my hair made me twitch and feel pleasure. Overall, it was a very intimate bonding session.
For the remainder of our journey, we decided to hit the streets at midnight and roam around until sunrise. We saw trees that looked like massive growing broccoli's, a very alive natural environment that we could communicate with, and wrapped up by contemplating the nature of our existence in the middle of a school oval, holding hands, looking up into the stars in the freezing cold.
Suffice to say, it was a first date like no other that I will cherish for a lifetime. It was a very positive first experience overall, which encouraged me to extend my interest in biohacking to psychonautics.
A breakdown of trips, dosages and combinations:
As far as I can recall, the above is a fairly accurate account of the dosages I have taken of each psychedelic, as well as the number of times I’ve taken each.
It’s worth noting that I almost always trip after a 24-hour fast (as I noticed I get annoying digestive issues otherwise, which are not the most fun mid-trip). This practice potentiates the effects I believe.
It’s also worth noting that I have included combinations of what I would classify as non-psychedelics in isolation, such as MDMA and Cannabis, but do consider psychedelic-modulators when combined with psychedelics.
I have tried micro-dosing LSD and Psilocybin on several occasions too (separately), but they don’t count toward the above figures.
My candyflipping and space-cake experiences were both a) By accident and b) More on the recreational side. Though they’re not strictly classified as trips, I’ve included them because I was still able to have a meaningful time.
Others:
I have tried crystal-based DMT and Salvia, but unfortunately both times I was not able to break through so I have not counted them.
I am looking forward to trying the real Ayahuasca, 2C-B and potentially Ibogaine in the future, in addition to a few hero doses of magic mushrooms (above 5 grams). And by looking forward I mean utterly terrified.
For reference:
You can learn more about each of the main psychedelics below.
A few notes on harm reduction:
If you plan to take psychedelics yourself, here’s a few tips and resources to minimise the chances of an adverse reaction.
Lessons learned and insights:
Alright, we’re finally onto the insights and takeaways that have been realised throughout my psychedelic journey thus far. Well, the main ones I can remember anyhow!
1. Love yourself:
During my pharmahuasca trip, the first question that ‘mother ayahuasca’ asked me was: “If you can’t love yourself, how can you love other people?”. This made me burst into tears immediately.
It was quite a moment actually. A situation I would have never expected a year prior, given I was sitting next to an investor in our company, now one of my best friends and tripping buddies. Not something most founders get to do, yet something I’m eternally grateful for, having a culture and company open to news ways of operating.
This has to be one of the most powerful realisations I’ve had during a trip, let alone in my life. The message was clear: I need to love myself to create a happy foundation, which will facilitate being able to truly love other people, not just express it linguistically without feeling it emotionally.
The reason this made me burst into tears was because of how accurate it felt. Although I’ve felt a level of love for some people—particularly family members—I have never truly felt such a deep connection with a partner.
I’ve always been shut off and unable to have powerful feelings of compassion… I have felt like a robot after all of my relationships, unable to feel pain, remorse or a sense of loss. It’s always been rather liberating by the end… finally, freedom once again is generally my reaction!
Perhaps this is just bad luck or selection bias, having dated incompadible partners where there is no potential to feel for them in that way, but I don’t think that’s the case as I’ve been with some great people that I respect and have felt for, I’ve just never been able to fully commit myself emotionally, perhaps out of fear I will have something to lose if I do.
This is something I am still working through, loving myself. Once I get there, I’m aware of the next massive hurdle I alluded to above, which is overcoming commitment issues and going all in emotionally.
I feel like once I’m able to take enough action and realise these changes I will be a much happier person, given the fact a stable relationship / deep connection with somebody seems to be important in terms of fulfilling ones hierarchy of human needs.
Generally just having more love and compassion for everyone I know and interact with—instead of hate and division—will be a great thing to achive.
2. Align work and purpose + ruined productivity:
For many months my productivity was declining… It was obvious my work performance had been deteriorating, but I was not able to understand why that was… until after a few trips.
One trip revealed that I need to sort out my underlying depression, ironically trigged by all of the horrible societal realisations that I had during prior trips, as well as a long list of other causes that have accumulated from years of neglecting my mental wellbeing and becoming far too out of balance.
In particular, working from when I wake up til when I sleep every day from 16 years old (over 7 years now), neglecting a social life, meaningful relationships and human connection, inconsistent physical exercise and eating enough food (founder salaries have their limits!)… and really just being so addicted to building a successful company that I have gone so many years without balance, which all caught up with me at once.
The second major factor was the fact I had become completely misaligned with the vision of our company. The reason I initially started up was because of how much I personally benefitted and changed my health through biohacking, and how much I was able to improve my cognitive perfomance via Nootropics… My goal was to create a personalised supplement/nootropic service that tailored pill packs to individual requirements, because I resent the idea of one-size-fits-all solutions… we’re all too different for a single solution to be applicable and effective for us all.
Yet, 18 months later after starting the company, all we were doing is… drumroll… the exact thing I started the company NOT TO DO, selling pre-formulated, one-size-fits-all cognitive supplements.
It was only during a trip that I realised I was not aligned with our trajectory or entire business model for that matter, which meant I had no motivation to actually make progress or push sales, because I did not believe in the vision.
What’s worse is that through other trips I began to resent the capitalist society we live in, which demotivated me even more to sell what I considered low-value products to people at a high profit margin… sounded a lot like the typical pharmaceutical model to me.
Since all of these realisations, we have decided to pursue the original company vision and use our existing business model to fund the transition, which I am content with… evolving from something I don’t believe in to something I think will have a highly positive impact on the world a decade from now.
Furthermore, I’ve been taking a lot of action to reduce depressive symptoms and it’s only until recently that I’ve seen massively positive changes in my mental state. I have also re-calibrated my mental models to accept that it’s fair to sell people products and service at high margins if they get WAY more out of it than the price they pay, and so long as we integrate some sort of a social model like ThankYou water to give back in other ways. Win-win.
Overall, this has been a MASSIVE change in my professional and personal life, as they both have a symbiotic relationship that feed off one another.
I am excited to see what we achieve a year from now 😀
3. Psychedelics are analytical and healing technologies:
A big thing I’ve learned about psychedelics is that they’re primarily analytical tools (at least in my experience). They help you identify issues in your life and overcome them to a degree, but the real change happens post-trip by taking massive action on the insights you have gathered.
Psychedelics point you in the right direction, taking action gets you to the destination.
I by no means want this to sound like I’m discounting psychedelics in any way, quite the contrary. One may underestimate the power of identifying what direction you need to go in… not just the direction—the ideal direction—which I believe psychedelics have an unbelievably reliable ability to foster.
Taking psychedelics and going on a trip basically allows you fast-track the answers you seek in a single session. Instead of hopelessly waiting for that ‘aha moment’ in a sober state for months, or trying to think your way to such a realisation, psychs unravel these insights and present them to you just like that.
It’s like having a portal to the land of answers.
To go a tiny bit off topic on this point for a second, a questionable behaviour that I have elicited after becoming aware of the above answers portal discovery, is using psychedelics as a tool to overcome problems in my life… sound familiar? One may compare this to drinking alcohol to deal with problems in life, which is why I labelled it as questionable.
After thinking deeply about this prediciment, I’m of the opinion that it’s an invalid arguement. So long as said means of overcoming life issues doesn’t harm anybody (including yourself), genuinely helps you to reconcile your problems, presents solutions and doesn’t debilitate you to the point that taking action is impossible, I don’t see an issue with the method, with the caveat that one may call the process ‘unnatural’ given how quickly you can accelerate overcoming obstacles in your life. But again, that’s likely just an appeal to nature fallacy.
Alcohol, on the other hand, just suppresses issues and never allows you to face them. Plus, from a psychoactive and health perspective alcohol is a sedative/depressant that is clinically shown to cause serious health issues, whereas psychedelics are clinically shown to do the opposite, both physiologically (from their potent anti-inflammatory effects) as well as psychologically (facing your issues and presenting solutions).
One final comment I will make on this note is to maintain a healthy trip > action ratio. Although I feel like I have needed to trip the amount I have over the past 18 months, I probably could have spread it out and done bigger trips, especially ones on mushrooms, to maximise therapeutic outcomes.
You can’t just trip all the time and expect results. It’s like supposed ‘smart people’ who are all theory and no action. You need balance to achieve meaningful outcomes. Don’t just keep tripping and expect your life to change, you need to actually put in the work. Until two friends at our company flagged this with me I was actually in a tripping-cycle, whereby I was going on a trip WEEKLY expecting to alleviate issues that were happening, at which point they said I need to take a lot more action.
Anyhow, that is how I view psychedelics, as analytical tools!
4. You are responsible for everything:
A scary yet meaningful realisation I’ve had while tripping is the fact I am 100% responsible for the state my life is in. Everything good that’s happened is my fault, and every bad that’s happened is my fault.
The reason I found this tough to come to terms with was the fact my life was not and still isn’t anywhere near what I want it to be in terms of happiness, positive contribution to the world, relationships and professional success etc.
Knowing that I am completely responsible for this outcome, or should I say, a lack of said desired outcome can be a massive downer, knowing you have nobody else to blame but yourself. No excuses. Nothing out of your control.
During the trip I kept moving my mind away from myself and onto external factors, but the psychedelic spirits (let’s just call them that for simplicity) were not having it and kept forcing me to face the realisation that it’s my decisions and my decisions alone that have led me to this point in my life, and similarly what will shape my future.
It then goes even deeper. Once you realise that your decisions have resulted in poor outcomes up until this point, it means there are fundamental flaws with your decision making process that will not magically change. What this means is that you not only need to acknowledge you’re a poor decision maker in the first place (which is hard enough), but you have understand that you will need to implement a complete paradime-shift in your thinking and learn how to become a more effective human being that can navigate life better… you know, just a small task!!
Knowing that an unfathomably large obstacle is ahead will rock you to the core with doubts in your ability to move forward. How the hell can one possibly make a change if they have a track record of incompetence? Well, I don’t have a simple answer for that.
A place I have started though is taking ownership. I have been greatly inspired by Jocko Willink, a former Navy Seal. Check out his TED talk here, as well as his audiobook on Audible here. No there’s no affiliate links!!
5. Poor conditioning deep down:
A very surprising and unfortunate realisation I’ve had on several occasions while tripping—and many outside of tripping after becoming aware—is the fact I have some really poor conditioning deep down, likely from the environment I was raised in and information I was exposed to early on in life (at least that’s what I think).
Specific examples of this are sexism and objectifying women, as well as racism and seeing other races as different due to skin colour etc. This truly surprised me when I started noticing certain tendencies, albeit very micro ones, given I consider myself extremely accepting of all people and dislike the fact there’s even distinctions between skin color and sex etc. We’re all human beings, it’s as simple as that.
BUT, as much as I rationally and consciously believe that, deep down subconsciously I’ve still got legacy programming that makes the distinction and drives certain behaviours that I think are unacceptable, even if they’re unintentional.
I have not been able to make substantial progress overcoming such deep conditioning just yet, as I’ve not figured out a practical method that will help me to make a change, as psychedelics themselves can only make me aware of what I need to fix, not fix the problem itself.
Thankfully just having an awareness has helped me to keep myself in check, and pull myself up if I ever step over the line.
6. We’re heavily programmed to think and act in certain ways:
Similar in nature to the point above in terms of conditioning, I’ve realised that us humans have far less free-will than we think (when you’re in your default mode anyway), in that a majority of thoughts and decisions seem to be pre-programmed by underlying conditioning (at least this is my current understanding).
To put this hypothesis to the test, you can do a simple exercise: Ask yourself why you have a certain belief.
A few examples:
- Why are you opposed to taking ‘drugs’?
- Why do you believe in god?
- Why do you have the brand of car you do?
- Why do you keep checking Facebook throughout the day?
- Why do you drink alcohol every weekend?
To understand where these belief systems and actions stem from, you can simply follow a process of deconstruction to backtrack what led you there.
As for the example of checking Facebook all the time, I can bet it’s driven by psychological and psychological addiction to it. We all constantly want to check our notifications to see if there’s any recent activity, and as a result we create muscle-memory via the motor actions of picking up your phone so frequently.
So think about that for a second. The outcome (checking Facebook) is mostly not our conscious choice, as we have conditioned ourselves to take that action subconsciously, on auto-pilot.
The example of being opposed to substance usage is even more comical. The amount of people I know who drink alcohol every weekend until they’re blackout drunk, smoke cigarets and chug down an alarming level of caffeine + sugar every day, yet have the nerve to tell you they ‘don’t do drugs, because drugs are bad mkaaay’ is outragrous!
It’s a shocking double standard that goes to show how utterly brainwashed and irrational people are, programmed by the system from schooling to the unjustified laws to the malicious media, literally gathering their opinion from every source BUT an evidence-based medium: Scientific studies.
Realising how much of a sheep I was and quite frankly still am has made me (try to) become a far more evidence-driven individual who bases my belief systems on good science (systematic reivews), statistical data, first principles, rationality frameworks and secular models (as much as possible), as opposed to the alternative with is really mainstream media and ‘common knowledge’, both unreliable sources with little credibility when it comes to sophisticated topics.
Anyhow, just start asking yourself why you believe certain things more frequently, and you will begin to realise how many of your beliefs are not your own and how many actions were not concious.
Also, this video from Sam Harris on free will is worth a watch.
7. Forgive and let go:
A great insight that I had during a recent trip is to forgive those who have wronged me and let go of any anger I have bottled up inside.
What I never realised is that unless you accept the wrongs somebody has done to you, fully forgive them and move past it you’re always going to carry that baggage with you like an anchor, holding you back from your full potential.
However, this is easier said than done. The process can actually become quite laborious and uncomfortable. In my case, it has thus far required reaching out to ex-partners either apologising for treating them how I did or letting them know I forgive them for how they have treated me.
As a child I was bullied throughout all of primary and most of high school, which made me quite a weak and easy to upset person, up until saying enough is enough and NOT GIVING A FUCK what people think of me anymore, because that’s none of my business.
But that has only been sufficient in shielding me from that point onward, it has not repaired any historical damage done to my psyche. As such, I have had to visualise facing my bullies and forgiving them in person during several trips, which is an extremely emotional process knowing full well all the scars they have left and how malicious their intent once seemed.
The psychopath side of me would rather visualise massacring everyone they love in front of their eyes, but the true side of me is a lover not a fighter and I would rather not only forgive them, but help them overcome their own underlying issues that make them feel compelled to hurt others, given it seems reasonable to think that they themselves were abused, thereby normalising / rationalising their behaviours.
Overall, I have learned to transform my hate into love and compassion for others, as the world is deficient in people giving a shit about the wellbeing of fellow human beings. We’re all in this together and ought not to fight.
8. Be prepared to become a different person + no turning back:
A common hesitation from people new to psychedelics is the fear they will come out a different person. I am sure many of us know an ‘ultra spiritual’ person, whether directly or simply have an awareness of said archetype, and fear that they will instantaneously become this person after a trip. Although I don’t think this is a realistic fear, it’s certainly possible (to a degree) especially if you jump into the deep end with a full ayahuasca retreat in the Amazon.
For most people though, the change in your being will be incremental (albeit very accelerated if you trip frequently). Be that your perspective on the world, your belief systems, how you treat others or just you as a person overall, it’s impossible for the fundamental characteristics that make up your very being to NOT change, dramatically, so long as there’s much change that CAN be made given some people are already quite advanced without psychedelics.
So be aware that you will not only become a different person over time as you naturally do anyway with ageing, but the direction with which you evolve will change to that of a more spiritual/open-minded and aware state of consciousness, which comes with both pros and cons.
Following on from the point above, one thing I learned the hard is that there’s no going back. Once you take the red pill and go down the rabbit hole of ‘enlightenment’ you can’t reverse it.
Many of my psychedelic experiences brought up how corrupt and backwards the world is; that is, amplified my pre-existing suspicions to the point where I currently believe that society as a whole is living a lie.
So be aware, you may find it very difficult emotionally to live in a fake society. It’s still something I struggle with, and has in fact caused serious depression which I’ve never dealt with before in my life… depression so debilitating that at times I can’t function and contemplate just ending it all, because only then will I be free of the shackles. #thinkstoic
But fear not for me, I’m still brainwashed to the point that I think the world has potential to be a good place. There’s always hope, as they say, for better or worse.
It just depends on your perspective and whether you want to see the world for what it is or what you have been trained to think it is. Wake up or stay asleep, the choice is yours, just know the consequences.
9. Be more in touch with my masculine side.
Something a good friend brought to my attention a while back was the fact that he, my cousin and I were all primarily raised by our mothers, and we all share very similar characteristics that are associated with the more feminine end of the spectrum, much to do with how we express our feelings and communicate openly with others.
Such a feminine trait was brought up in what I would call the most powerful trip I’ve ever experienced, combining psilocybin and LSD while sitting on a pier at midnight by myself, jotting down insights in my notebook while listening to the calm ocean waves.
What I realised is that I’m slightly too far on the feminine side currently, and not expressing my more masculine side. Many might say this is not an issue, because what’s wrong with being so expressive emotionally?
Well, in my case, it’s really affected my appeal to women! Pre-psychedelics when this trait was far more balanced and likely when I was far more masculine/testosterone driven, it was much easier to date people… in fact, it’s only been in the last 10 months since I’ve really ramped up psychedelic usage that I’ve been running into issues, being rejected by two really amazing people in a row… but thankfully becoming great friends with one of them after.
Surprising in that I’ve not been ‘friendzoned’ ever before, only these last two times. Again, could be selection bias but I think not given my male/female characteristics have changed after taking psychedelics (increased openness, friendliness etc.)
I wanted to explore this further to determine if such a trait is the causative variable in my lack of dating success in recent times, so I asked both these people for honest feedback as to why they rejected me. Although the sample size is small, their feedback was unsurprisingly consistent.
I need to improve my physical appearance (I’m currently 7kg less is muscle mass than I was 2-years ago… aka I’m underweight), and I need more manly traits such as being a little more reserved, mysterious and assertive. Given my very open nature, I end up disclosing extremely personal details to people on a first date within the first 10 minutes, which would otherwise take most people weeks if not months to build up to… apparently this makes me seem far too friendly and seen as just that… more of a friend figure.
The above practice of asking for feedback from ex-partners or people who rejected you, not just in the dating context but all walks of life is highly recommended, as information is power and understanding how you can optimise yourself to do better is advantageous compared to individuals who want to remain ignorant, blame others and run around in circles.
Outside of the above context, another major factor brought up during the same trip was the fact my testosterone must be alarmingly low, as I was just not able to improve my motivation in general, get into a routine of exercising regularly or quite embarrassingly perform well sexually due to a lack of energy and physical stamina, which also stemmed from being inconsistent with exercising due to said lack of motivation.
It made sense too given I have stopped eating meat for the last 6 months (mostly) due to not feeling the desire for it, but mistakingly not adjusting my diet accordingly or supplementing the nutrients I’m missing out on, especailly Iron, B12 and Collagen… An iron deficiency in particular causes fatigue, which in turn causes a lack of motivation and physical ability.
This one simple variable turned out to be another causative factor which, when improved upon profoundly changed my physiology and motivation, allowing me to get back to my baseline of hyperactivity.
Thanks Tongkat Ali, Shilajit and Floradix.
There is still a long list of over 50 items that I need to work through in order to get my masculine side to an ideal point, and seeing such amazing results already has encouraged me to stay consistent, especially given the pair-bonding incentives.
10. Alcohol addiction:
Finally, a massive change that happened in my life after taking psychedelics was eliminating my thirst for alcohol! Though I had already overcome it for the most part prior to my first trip (in terms of frequency and addiction) whenever I did drink alcohol I still carried with me very damaging tendancies.
Specifically, I was poor at regulating my consumption. I either had to not drink at all or get blackout drunk, there was no in-between. After a single drink I would just want to have more and more until I woke up the next day wondering what the heck happened last night… not a good practice and yet another reason why I think alcohol is the most dangerous drug in the world.
But my opinions on the substance aside as each to their own, after just a few trips this behaviour COMPLETELY disappeared. I did not even notice it until I started having a beer every now and then and didn’t need to get wasted… in fact, my enjoyment for alcohol very quickly diminished, and to this day I thoroughly do not like to drink!
I think seeing that the grass is greener on the side of psychedelics gave me a new perspective, allowing me to compare my experiences between the various substances and realise alcohol has no therapeutic value and more often than not just turns people into aggressive, dumbed down and risk-taking versions of themselves, all really bad traits compared to psychedelics which do the opposite.
But again, I don’t want to be too judgemental because alcohol in moderation doesn’t seem to have an affinity for negative consequences, I just happen to think there are better alternative, especially MDMA.
I’m just glad to have broken my habit, as it was really effecting my life.
Alright that’s it!! There are many more realisations I’ve had, but these were some of the most impactful ones I could think of off the top of my head. Maybe I will come back and add more as I remember them 😀
Noteworthy experiences:
Here are a few additional experiences that I’ve had that did not necessarily give me a new new perspective but still left a memorable impression.
1. Ego death / out of body astral projecting / life after death:
During my first and currently only pharmahuasca/ayahuasca-like experience, I began to experience what is known as ‘ego death’, a complete loss of subjective self-identity, meaning that you literally forget who you are and as a byproduct think you are dying/dead. It’s an extremely frightening experience… I was not aware of this concept before the trip, so my instinct was fear and assuming I was dying.
Another similar term for this is astral projecting / an OBE (Out of body experience), whereby you feel as though your consciousness is seperate from your physical body. During the experience, I thought the constituents that made John… John were in another realm of existence, and that I would never return to my body again.
I was not able to experience a full ego death, as I was so scared that I literally held onto my body for dear life and refused to let go… it’s such a wild experience! Next time around I plan to let go, now that I know I will return to my physical body afterwards!
Also, a quite profound change in my belief system happened after this occurance. For the last 5 years I’ve been a hardcore atheist, refusing to believe in anything supernatural or spiritual that cannot be verified with clear evidence.
However, after my out of body experience, I am more open to the possibility that there’s more to life than meets the eye, and that perhaps we do have some sort of a soul that lives on after our physical body dies. I think of it like our body is the vehicle for our consciousness… consciousness which is eternal and migrates from realm to realm, vehicle to vehicle.
Like I said though, I’m open to the possibility given the experience I had, perhaps if I have several more consistent experiences. It’s not as if I’ve transformed from an atheists into a full believer of life after death and the religious establishment, I’m merely trying to keep an open mind.
It’s something to be cautious with, though. I used to wake up many nights a month screaming from nightmares about death… contemplating my finite existence, knowing that one day I will be in a state of non-experience for all of eternity, never to come back. As such, I likely have a bias to want to believe there’s a transcendent nature to life.
With that said, I have FAR less a fear of death than I once did. I am very content with it in fact, because one you experience such a divine and transcendent state of being, your fears transform into unbelievable pleasure and beauty.
2. Liquid pouring out of head:
This is by far the most BIZAAR experience I have had while on psycedelics. On two occasions using two very different psychs (pharmahuasca vs LSD), I was able to make a whole bunch of oily liquid pour out of my head! Yes, you heard that right, it sounds insane I know.
I have still not confirmed whether this is me completely hallucinating and imagining the whole situation, or whether it’s real yet, given it’s a bit hard to film the back of my head while in a different dimension.
My suspicion is that it’s liquid from my lymphatic system, as I’m able get into a downward facing dog position and push my hands up each side of my neck really hard, feeling the liquid travel under my skin, until I push it up into my head where it pours out above the top of my neck somewhere!
Given the fact us humans have a pretty solid skull, the physical plausibility of this happening seems quite low… however, I’m convinced it’s real and aim to prove it one day, somehow!
3. Telepathy / joint consciousness:
I have had a few really weird moments where I thought I was experiencing joint-consciousness, or able to perform telepathy. That is, I’ve felt like I’m literally talking to other people I know in another room from me, even to the point I experienced them talk back to me.
It’s such an odd thing to happen, because I always felt like I was intruding their mind without permission, and when I would get a response like ‘get out of my mind’ from them I would be utterly shocked! Like woah, this is actually real and they too are aware…
This is not something I think actually happened, but at the same time I’m open to it being a possibility in some way shape or form.
4. Oneness and connectivity:
A very common psychedelic experience is oneness, that is, being one with the universe. I’ve felt this on several occasions, feeling like I am the entire universe. Not a seperate being disconnected from the environment around me, but actually completely integrate with it.
After all, everything is made up of the same stuff: Atoms.
It’s quite a transcendent feeling. I felt as though I was an omnipotent being, a god, who had complete autonomy over my consciousness and universe, because I thought I WAS the universe in such a state.
I find it quite hard to explain… there’s certainly a language barrier that means the only way to truly understand it is to experience it for yourself!
5. That one time at a pizza store club (funny):
Though most psychedelic experiences can be described as enlightening, there’s certainly the odd recreational trip… albeit I don’t recommend such an approach, given the embarrassing story I am about to tell.
A few weeks after my first trip mentioned earlier, I invited my best friend over to come take acid and trip with me (150mcg each). Originally, we decided it would be fun to play Call of Duty to make things interesting, but soon enough that was no longer viable given the visual distortions.
After we gave up that game, we became VERY hungry. I was living a 5 minute walk from Chapel St in Melbourne at the time, so we decided to go get some food before we peaked… assuming we could find our favourite cheat food pizza in time, and make it back in a manageable state of mind.
Thankfully we found a place before the kick and proceeded to go upstairs and grab a seat… until about 5 minutes later when our trippy adventure began.
For a good hour we sat there together, staring into space, completely forgetting to do what we came there to do… order pizza! The next thing we know this pizza place turns into a club! Strobe lights come on, smoke starts pouring out and electornic music begins blaring. In the blink of an eye, the dancefloor is full of attractive women and very few men. If you’re into the clubbing scene at all, such a ratio sounds unlikely given the disproportionate male>female ratio usually seen (in my experience anyway). My mates response to this observation was priceless: “Are we tripping”. 😂 😂
The next thing we knew two girls came over to us, grabbed our hands and took us onto the dancefloor. Given my average looking appearance, I was quite surprised. For another good hour my mate and I danced around, trying to initiate interactions with several other women without such luck. This is usually the case for me so it was not surprising haha, however, given they were all so friendly and kept coming up to us I was well confused.
A minute later the manager and two bouncers approached us, asking to come out front with them. We very quickly tried to snap ourselves back into reality, failing to do so and immediately suspected they had discovered we were tripping… to the degree we thought they would have police awaiting us out front! This was not the most exciting feeling in the world.
After we get out front, the manager looks at us with a serious face and says: “You realise this is an LGBTQ night right? You’ve been trying to grind on all these woman that are lesbians and they don’t like it. We have received multiple complaints. What’s the deal?”.
My mate and I looked at one another in complete shock, not having realised that the whole time these women were being so friendly to us because they thought him and I were there together as a couple! They were not encouraging us to come dance with them, rather to dance together… As we were tripping so hard we did not pick up on this detail at all!!
After disclosing the situation to the manager, he and the bouncers burst out into laughter and said it was the best story they have ever heard, saying that we’re welcome back on a regular night any time.
At least we got a few laughs and good story out of it. 😀
Trip tips:
Here’s a few recommendations if you decide to go on a trip.
1. Find a tripping buddy:
Although over half of my trips have been solo, the percentage of negative trips I’ve had is an order of magnitude higher while going at it alone. I can’t actually recall a ‘bad trip’ happening while with somebody else. So, find somebody you vibe with and trip together!
2. Make sure you have a good set and setting:
Your environment is SO IMPORTANT! Being in the wrong setting can ruin your trip. Terence McKenna has some great advice in this recording.
3. Curate what you’re exposed to:
Relating to the above, be careful what you expose yourself to during a trip, particularly when it comes to audio and visual content. Given you’re in a very open minded state, if, for example, you’re watching a conspiracy film it can be quite disturbing, because you tend to believe everything they are saying, which can come as quite a shock until post-trip when you start to question the content a bit more.
4. Be sensible with your dosage:
I am a massive hypocrite for suggesting this, as I’ve never been sensible with dosages… however, that seems to work for me personally (most of the time), as I love the chaos and thrill of being chucked into such a challenging headpace. However, it’s dangerous. Not in a physiological sense as it’s practically impossible to die via overdose (see my post on that topic here), rather there’s a psychological risk. The risk is that if you have underlying anxiety, depression, or generally if you’re somebody who freaks out easily in unpredictable and difficult circumstances, you could really freak out and have a whole episode which could throw you off for weeks. Thankfully, if you follow the other steps above + work your way up to a higher dose, the probability of this occurring is very slim.
Content recommendations:
Aside from being in good company and getting out into nature during trips, one of my favourite things to do exclusively while taking LSD is to watch documentaries or mind-expanding films, as well as listen to podcats that offer up a new perspective.
In addition, listening to specific kinds of music that can really enhance the experience, by helping to get you into a deep psychedelic flow state.
Below is a list of the ones I’ve learned the most from 😀
Documentaries, movies and videos:
1. Waking Life:
By far my favourite movie of all time!! Waking Life is what I would call a truly groundbreaking film. Philosophers and thinkers are interviewed throughout the entire film, mixing in actors playing out thought provoking scenes.
The rotoscoping nature of the film is trippy enough sober (it was originally filmed then animated over frame-by-frame)… and watching it while tripping on a visually stimulating psychedelic like LSD is incredible.
2. Samsara:
This documentary as well as Baraka below are both filmed over many years and omit any voice, relying solely on compelling visuals and music. They are both very beautiful and sad at the same time.
3. Baraka:
4. HUACHUMA — Ayahuasca documentary:
5. The Transcendental Object At The End Of Time (Terence McKenna Movie):
If you’re a fan of the psychonaut himself, Terence McKenna, then this film / compilation of his talks is a must watch!
6. Koyaanisqatsi:
Similar to Samasara and Baraka, Koyaanisqatsi is a movie with no voices, and walks you through the beauty and destruction of society. It’s from all the way back in 1983, which makes watching it all the more terrifying when you see what was happening four decades ago.
7. Mark Passio Natural Law Seminar:
More people need to know about Mark Passio. He’s a brilliant thinker and puts out the most well articulated and in depth talks I know of. This seminar of his in particular gave me a completely new perspective on how we view the law.
8. Terence McKenna’s True Hallucinations:
9. DMT The Spirit Molecule:
10. Yellow Submarine—The Beatles:
11. Timothy Leary — How To Operate Your Brain:
This is another one that’s tripping enough while sober! It’s grand to watch this while under the influence of psychedelics, given you’re in such an open minded state. I find this video quite powerful in terms of its reconditioning potential and focus.
12. Alan Watts:
Anything Alan Watts is great to watch / listen to! His “The real you” video below is one I saw many years before taking psychedelics and decided to re-visit… suffice to say, it helped me get over the fear of death substantially.
13. The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology:
Great scene talking about ideologically driven thinking.
14. Bill Hicks:
14. Alice in Wonderland:
Not only great visuals, but when you watch Alice in Wonderland while in an altered state of consciousness, you will pick up on deeper meanings (or generate them, I am not sure exactly).
15. They live:
16. ZEITGEIST:
Another great documentary I saw pre-psycs. I only recommend watching the first part about religion, it’s what has the most credibility IMO.
17. Four Horsemen:
18. Jordan Peterson:
JP is who I consider another great thinker of our time. He’s a clinical psychologist with an extremely pragmatic demeanour, sharing all sorts of gems throughout his lectures and videos online. There is much to learn.
19. Into the Wild:
20. George Carlin:
Although I don’t like to bash religion in that I think everyone is entitled to believe what they want (so long as it doesn’t harm others), George Carlin articulates some great and quite amusing ideas in his comedy.
21. JFK to 911 Everything Is A Rich Man’s Trick:
By far the heaviest and most terrifying conspiracy theory film I have ever seen. 100 times more scary than your typical ‘horror movie’, if even 10% of what’s covered is true. I only recommend watching this with good company while in a good state of mind, not solo. I also don’t recommend watching it if you have anxiety or depression… I made such a mistake and found it very hard to reintegrate myself into society after watching the film, as it challenges your entire perspective on the system we live in, for the worse.
22. Minimalism:
23. The Psychology of Conformity:
Podcasts:
- Waking Life Podcast: This is such an amazing podcast, by far the best one out of the bunch. Each episode goes for over two hours, some up to 4–5 hours, feature a range of speakers, music intermissions and ideas that will absolutely blow your fucking mind.
- What on earth is happening: One of the regular speakers in the Waking Life podcast is Mark Passio, who runs this podcast. He talks about concepts in such a comprehensive and in depth manner than I always end up listening a second or third time.
- Cunspiracy by Josh Wade: My favourite episode thus far is with Phillip J Watt, and a close second is with Jarrad Wright (Big Lez show).
- The higherside chats: A few of my favourite episodes are staged terror, the Rothchild world order and naturally Australian dreamtime. I only recommend listening to these if you are with somebody in a happy state of mind, as my emotional state spiralled out of control listening to these solo once, as they are quite heavy.
- Adventures through the mind.
- Waking up with Sam Harris.
- Aubrey Marcus podcast.
- Psychedelic Milk.
Music:
Below are a few of my favourite tracks to listen to while tripping.
Closing thoughts:
WOAH what a mammoth of a post!!
Although I believe I’ve come a long way and evolved substantially as a person through the psychedelic experience over the past 18 months, there is still a LONG way to go and much progress to be made.
I feel as though the past 18 months have been very analytical, whilst the next 18 will be far more weighted toward action, with a focus on the more therapeutic psychs such as psilocybin, DMT and Ayahuasca, as opposed to heavily utilising LSD which is more of a visual experience.
In addition, I think psychedelics have currently facilitated a net-negative outcome in my life, as they have undoubtably triggered my depression or at least accelerated the symptoms. Not only that, realisations I’ve had have made me disgusted with society and want to completely disconnect, which perhaps is not the healthiest outcome.
However, I am 100% confident I will be able to realise a net-positive outcome in the long term, maybe within a year from now. I view this as a long-term process, whereby it gets worse before it gets better, because it’s impossible to face so many fears without creating a little mental instability first… it’s just a challenge to get from A to B without being completely debilitated.
Alas, in recent weeks I have seen MASSIVE improvements in my attitude toward life, thanks in part to psychedelics but mainly from all the support I’ve been getting from colleagues, friends and family who all care and have valuable advice applicable to my situation. Thank you to all of those people, you know who you are. You may have just saved my life.
And that’s my trip report from the past 18 months.
Until the next instalment amigos.
Peace. ✌️🙏 😀
