Getting off the Google bus

I left Google on June 30, 2016. It was 8 days ago and the last day of Joon (pun intended).

March 18, 2014 was my first day at Google. I still remember feeling excited and a bit overwhelmed, as I was meeting people I had never met before, as if I were a new college freshman.

I liked how energetic it seemed. It resembled a college campus: People were walking around. Some were biking, jogging, or casually chatting with each other on grass. It didn’t feel like a workplace. It felt like I was back in college. I liked it. It made me feel young.

The sense of achievement was also there. People congratulated me. My parents were happy. Again, it was like the day when I got accepted to Carnegie Mellon University. People were happy for me. So did I.

Everything was great.

My manager was the best manager I had ever had. He is a kind and respectful person who has great knowledge and passion in his work. He truly wanted users to have a good product experience even if it means less money for Google.

My teammates were awesome. They were fun, kind, and smart. I’ve never had any problems working with them. Maybe only few arguments about work that I can count with one hand.

With all the benefits including free food, I could see why people choose to stay at Google for so many years. I could see why people call it “the best place to work”.

But, it just wasn’t for me.

You see. I do this sometimes. I project myself into the future on the current path that I am walking on. I imagine myself in 5 or 10 years. Then, I make a decision whether I should continue or leave.

That’s what I did when I decided to study in the US high school. I just couldn’t see myself going through the education system in Korea. I knew I was going to be miserable. I knew I was going to let myself down.

I had to make a big bet. I told my father that I wanted to study in the US. He said yes that he would support me. And, just like that, I moved to US. It still is the best decision that I’ve ever made in my entire life. I always thank my parents for supporting me through my school years. I feel extremely fortunate that I was given the opportunity.

You know yourself better than anybody. It’s your body and your mind after all. You know what you want. You know what you want in your life. It’s just that you make more compromises as you get older.

At Google, I slowly realized that I was constantly compromising myself. While I was receiving decent paychecks every two weeks, I had to distant myself from crazy Silicon Valley scene. Since you are generally “discouraged” to work on things that is not your job while you are employed by tech companies, I couldn’t comfortably talk to anyone at Google about any potential startup ideas. Even though my teammates would be completely cool about it, it was me who felt uncomfortable. I didn’t want to cause any troubles to my teammates. After a while, it felt like all the cool and exciting news about Silicon Valley were from another country or even from another world. It was weird because I was working at a company that is the heart of Silicon Valley and gets on the news everyday.

There are more reasons to why I decided to leave, but the most important thing is that I wanted to do something of my own. I wanted to be more. I wanted to have more control of myself, my time, my brain, and my work.

I needed to take an exit. I had to tell people that I was going to leave Google. I believe I can bring more value to the world by doing so. It will eventually make myself more happy. Even if it means living off my savings for the next year or two, I am free now. I am free from worrying about whether it will look good on the paper while I work on things. I am free to work on any ideas that I can come up with. I am free to talk about anything without worrying if it will cause any troubles.

It’s the next big bet in my life. I hope this will be another home run that I will look back and be proud of. It’s not going to be easy, but it is going to shape who I am truly.

Wish me luck, cause I will be needing a lot of it.