Student Life

The small print you’re not told about at college.

University and student life is well documented as being some of the booziest years and most exciting years of your life. The fact that you’re constantly poor is an ongoing joke and you’ll likely spend a lot of your money on a cheap vodka brand with a questionable Russian name.

Everybody at college had students from university visit them and speak of the great wonders of you’re likely to experience if you go. The fun you’ll have, the friends you’ll make and the societies you can join all while being insanely drunk.

Now I’m not saying that didn’t happen, it’s just that’s not all.

They never mentioned about sitting around at half 2 in the afternoon watching ‘Four in a Bed’ whilst you sit and think how successful your B&B would be. They don’t mention that you’ll spend £9,000 a year for some person to click through a PowerPoint.

It is spoken about how poor students are but that’s only because landlords think it’s acceptable to charge £150 a week for a cupboard with a toilet in it and expect you to pay £1500 before you’ve moved into your new fully furnished laundry basket.

You find yourself eating more pasta than half of the city’s Italian restaurants all while scoffing at the simplicity of the contestant’s menu on Come Dine With Me. There will be wars with housemates you can’t stand over who’s turn it is to buy bin bags and you’ll end up using shower gel as washing up liquid. (My plates were like eating off of a freshly lathered pectoral for a good week following that.)

University isn’t much better. You start the year with all the plans to attend every lecture but by the end you’re calculating which ones are of most importance because you don’t have a recording facility to fulfil your ‘A Place in the Sun’ needs. You’ll leave every assignment to the last minute and each one will come with its own little breakdown.

There should simply be a notice on the bottom of your UCAS form which reads:

“University: your fast-track to rubbish television, mental breakdowns and increased belief in your ability to run a B&B”

Thanks for reading the 10th week of my blog and thank you to those who continue to do so! I will see you all again next week.

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