Why are you still on my mind.

Relationships are hard, understatement of the year I know. I was with the person I thought I was going to marry for over 8 years. Then one day it all came crashing down with the heartbreaking conversation of “I think you should move out”. A million things were running through my mind, what did I do wrong, what could I have done better, let ME fix this. The damage was done, I packed up and surfed couches then moved in with my boss. The next few months were a complete shit show, whiskey, cigs and tears. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep without pills and just wanted to be dead.

I finally moved into a place just outside of Boston with some guy from Craigslist. The first few nights were hard, sleeping in a new place, some random dude in the room next to me, and still thinking of her. Until one day when I realized that I was fine. I survived 100% of my worst days, I was doing fine. I reconnected with old friends, went out to bars and smiled, worked out until I decided to go home. My roommate ended up being the nicest guy ever, we chill, watch sports, play PS4. I am fine.

Now entering into the dating world is a different story. Picking up where I left off so long ago is scary, not to mention I still have feelings for her. Its fun meeting someone new, getting to know them, going in for that first kiss that we all wish to be our last first kiss. But, my heart is so jaded with the fact that love is hard, for lack of a better word. I loved her, and she didn’t love me. That shit hurts. How do I open up to someone new with that on my mind and in my heart? I want a girlfriend, I want that feeling of having someone care about me the way I care about them. It just seems that every time I meet someone she is in the back of my mind.

I'm doing so much better than I thought though. I guess I’ll just wait until that special person comes along and she gets out of my head.