When your team’s coach introduces Donald Trump

After not seeing my team make the playoffs since I turned 10, I didn’t think there was much more shame I could wring out of the Bills…until this.

Fuck that noise

After sixteen years of dedication to mediocre football, Bills fandom has shaped my personality in more ways than one. Expecting things to go wrong at the last moment, I don’t enjoy things prematurely. Cutting against the most American of traits, I’ve developed a strain of fatalism. And never expecting a final payoff, I’ve tried to focus on enjoying the process.

Two years ago I felt I’ve learned all the cosmic lessons sports fandom could provide and resolved to at least cut out watching mediocre teams. There’s an argument for watching the artistry of the Warriors or a dominant pitcher, but not a particularly strong one for cheering your favorite laundry on for fifty hours to yet another 7–9 season.

But then Rex Ryan signing up to coach last year made the Bills fun again. He had antics, silly blitzes, a seemingly innocent working man’s shtick, and a joie de vivre missing in almost every other football personality. If the Bills wouldn’t win, they’d at least entertain.

Even under the ideal circumstances of a non-rapist quarterback and non-idiot coach, football is hard to watch. Hell, the Bills used to even have a loving husband of a quarterback and Yale grad head coach who took ancient Greek history courses with my old professor. But with my recent concussion, it’s now pretty much impossible to ignore the brain damage the sport dishes out.

Rex’s endorsement isn’t so much a betrayal — Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca’s presence in the Mitchell Report crushed me senior year of high school— as the worst Bills letdown of all. What’s more embarrassing is that I’ll still probably watch them play the Pats and if they go on a playoff run I won’t be able to help myself.

Donald Trump almost bought the Bills when they were for sale a few years back. Perhaps his ego would have been sated owning an NFL team and the country would’ve been saved from this national nightmare. If only he was worth a few billion more I guess.

There was a time when Donald Trump had 300 likes on a tweet.

And to think I had such fun when Brady endorsed Trump.