The Power of Letting Go

I’ve been reading this fantastic book lately called Letting Go, written by psychologist David R. Hawkins. In the book, Hawkins talks about how our emotions effect everything from our jobs and our relationships, to our physical well-being.

I don’t want to turn this into a book review, but I’ll give a brief synopsis. Hawkins describes what he calls the scale of emotional intelligence and it contains every emotion you could feel about a situation.

At the bottom of the scale, you have the emotions of shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, and pride. These are associated with a low level of emotional intelligence.

On the other end of the spectrum are feelings of courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, and peace. These emotions represent a high level of emotional intelligence.

The basic idea is that you get what you give. Whichever emotion you approach a situation with, is what you’re likely going to get back. People who consistently live at a low level of emotional intelligence seek to force others down to their level.

However, those who approach situations with a high level of emotional intelligence seek to empower others and raise them up to their level.

“The lower our emotional state, the more negatively we influence not only our own lives but the also all of the life around us. The higher the emotional level of evolution, the more positive our life becomes on all levels and we support all life around us.”

I could go into details about each level, but I’d just be repeating the book. I highly recommend you go read it for yourself. I just want to share what I’ve taken away from it and how it’s impacted my life.

The last six months have been some of the most difficult of my life, emotionally. I’ve been dealing with depression, sadness, fear of failing in my business…and it all culminated in the ending of a relationship with a woman I thought I’d be with forever.

I’d wish I had found this book a month or two ago. Reading it has really opened my eyes to not only how my emotions where destroying me from the inside out, but destroying my relationship as well.

The book talks a lot about letting go of negative emotions about a situation because, in actuality, it’s not the situation that’s the problem…it’s the emotions that you attach TO the situation that are.

No one can make you ‘feel’ a certain way. How you feel about something is the product of the emotions you attach to the situation. You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself. If you think that you’re suppose to be angry about a situation, guess what, you’re going to be angry.

I let my emotions control my life for a long time, when the entire time I actually had the ability to control my emotions. I just didn’t know it.

I let the fear of failing at my business make me scared. This fear of failing and not being able to support the person I loved led to shame. I was too ashamed to let her see I was struggling. This shame led to anger. This anger caused me to lash out at things and people that didn’t deserve it. It caused me to treat the people I loved differently. I caused me to become a different person.

I’m not perfect. I’ve never claimed to be. I felt like I treated the people in my life extremely well. But I let my emotions get the best of me. I let my emotions control me, instead of the other way around.

Living at a high level of emotional intelligence is not easy. We feel like we’re suppose to be scared, angry, guilty, or shamed, because that’s what we’re conditioned to do.

From the book:

“The rationalizing mind prefers to keep the true causes of emotion out of awareness and utilizes the mechanism of projection to do this. It blames events or other people for “causing” a feeling and views itself as the helpless innocent victim of external causes…

It is because we are angry that events “make” us angry. If, through constant surrendering, we have let go of the pent-up store of anger, it is very difficult and, in fact, even impossible for anyone or any situation to “make” us angry.

Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it. It means simply to let the feeling be there and to focus on letting out the energy behind it.”

Letting go is not easy. Like I said, it’s far easier to be angry at someone than to meet them in love. But it can make our lives infinitely better.

“Letting go can be very useful in everyday life situations, but its use in life crises can be crucial in preventing and alleviating large amounts of suffering.”

What I’ve learned from reading this book and the last six months of my life is that I don’t want to be that person who lets negative emotions cloud their life. I don’t want to be the person who bring others down. The world can only see us as we see ourselves; and I want the world to see me as someone who inspires…someone who loves…I want to be someone who brings positivity to others, whether that be as a fitness coach, a son, or a partner.

I want to be great.

“Greatness is the courage to overcome obstacles. It is the willingness to move to a higher level of love. It is the acceptance of others’ humanness and having compassion for their suffering by putting ourselves in their shoes. Out of forgivenss of others come self-forgiveness and the relief of guilt.”

I can’t promise I’ll never be angry, sad, guilty, or ashamed again. But I can promise I will never let it affect the lives of the people I love. Because for all the things I want for myself, that is what I want more than anything.

Thanks for reading.