A Friend Who’s Not A Friend
It’s a long story, but the short explanation is I could not be friends with someone who can’t write back to me. It’s isolating. Every email I write felt like it went into a black hole and there’s no way to know if it’s been read. I cut ties with that friend because it hurts to work hard on that friendship when the other person is lost in their own world, not noticing me.
It’s been almost two years. I couldn’t stop the pain in my soul. I felt guilty and I miss that friend who’s not a friend. I wrote a short email and eventually I forgot about it. Two weeks later, I spent my free day watching tv shows as “research” to write a story outline for my screenwriting class. I checked my email and it’s a reply from a-friend-who’s-not-a-friend. I am unsure what to write.
A part of me wants to reply and yet I want to wait. Partly it’s the power a person holds, knowing the other person wrote a question and is waiting. But are people really waiting for an answer? Do I really matter to this friend-who’s-not-a-friend? If I do reply, I cannot explain exactly how I feel. It’s complicated. Only songs can express the deeper feelings I have. If I write, it will end up being an essay about my feelings. That piece of writing on an email has meaning, time and effort. It will be a piece of me. Is it something I want to work on and give freely to a person who is not my friend anymore? I know I was the one who broke it off, but it’s almost impossible to be with a friend who cannot take the time to communicate.
I’ve recently learned about this website from my marketing class. I am unsure if I can trust my Blogger blog anymore. So, here’s a small true story about me.