Beyond Walking in Someone Else’s Shoes

When I was still in high school, my dad and I had a conversation which stuck with me forever. We talked about the importance of recognizing and considering the needs of others and of understanding people through their own worldview. I asked him if he meant what is commonly called “walking in someone else’s shoes” and he replied, “yes, but not exactly”.

Don’t Just Walk in Their Shoes

He said that when we walk in someone else’s shoes, figuratively speaking, we often fall short in our attempt to understand them because even though we try to picture what their life is like, our conclusions are based on our own experience. A personal bias is unavoidable but the more demanding and ultimately more rewarding exercise is to understand the context of someone’s life according to how they themselves understand it.

He challenged me to not only walk in someone else’s shoes but actually become, again figuratively speaking, the person I wanted to understand. He challenged me to understand what they do and how they act due to who they are and not limit myself to answering the question “what would you do if you were in their situation”.

Three Contexts: My Customers, My Team and My Company

At work, there are dozens of pairs of shoes we could try on at any given time. In order to be effective, we should group them into manageable clusters.

In a sales setting, we can define three groups which encompass the objectives, goals and motivators that drive our customers, our company and our team based on their particular context.

• Customer’s Context and Objectives: Customers expect us to understand their context and help them achieve their objectives. This requires sales teams to understand both institutional realities and the personal context of the people they interact with.
• Team’s Context and Motivators: Managers want a committed, high performing and impactful team. This requires them to understand every team member’s personal context, how they individually and collectively define success and what motivates them.
• Company’s Context and Goals: Companies want to exceed financial and non-financial goals. This requires a common of understanding of what is required and the strategy to achieve this. Making a company’s vision a reality should be everyone’s ultimate goal.

The Sweet Spot

“The Sweet Spot” is the intersection of common objectives, goals and motivators which aligns distinct sets of contexts and enables an action plan, set of activities or desired outcomes.

At times it may suffice to only identify and understand the commonalities between two contexts. If an issue can be isolated, for example a team member’s career development needs, we could try to understand his or her context independently but an action plan will most likely bring the other contexts back into play.

More often than not multiple contexts intersect and have to be put into harmony in order for a successful strategy to be developed and a desired outcome achieved. A common situation could be:

1. A customer is launching a new product
2. The sales rep responsible for this customer is asking for a promotion
3. The company she works for intends to displace an entrenched incumbent

In this case, we would devise a strategy that aligns the three contexts and enables, in aggregate, the fulfillment of three distinct desired outcomes.

How Many Pairs of Shoes Can You Walk In at the Same Time

In addition to the Sweet Spot, there are three other intersections we need to be aware of. Our default mode, or the shoes we’re most comfortable in, is most likely one of these, and pivoting into the Sweet Spot requires a conscious effort until it becomes second nature.

• Customer + Company: Results, sometimes at any cost, are prioritized. Individuals who operate in this intersection get things done. They understand what needs to be achieved but don’t account for the growth or personal success of others.
• Customer + Team: Relationships, establishing and nurturing them, are at the center of this intersection. People who function here can open any door but might not prioritize company policy and rules.
• Company + Team: Internal and team politics are prioritized over customer success. Individuals who perform in this intersection get ahead by knowing the rules of the game.
• The Sweet Spot. Collective success and empowerment through positive multiplying effects define this intersection. Individuals who function in the Sweet Spot bring out the best in others, define win-win strategies and can distinguish the forest from the trees.

And What About My Shoes?

Our ability or even interest to function within the Sweet Spot is defined by our personal context. This is inevitable. Our own bias is a fourth dimension which shapes our understanding and guides our conduct. If we’re self-aware and recognize this fact, we can harmonize our context with the ones around us.

There’s one more thing my dad told me. There’s no point in trying to wear someone else’s shoes unless you know how to walk in yours so take care of them.

They’re the only pair you got.