Connected by default

I´ve been connected for a few years now. Hooked on to the interwebs whenever I want and wherever I want. Being connected is an facet of my being. When I travel, which I do a lot, I use my phone for finding restaurants on the fly, checking maps, put on some tunes, upload sneakybrags to Instagrams, Meerkatting in the restaurant bathroom. In the bar at Kastrup last time I bought a breifcase made out of cork on Etsy. At a party in London I played Kelis´ “Bossy” in the smoking alley because a girl told me that she was bossy(we all danced). Being online is how things are for me.

Which why I find it weird that I get so pissed off at this:

Translation: “You are OFFLINE, in FLIGHT MODE, that means that you really can´t access all that good stuff that is on the internet, or all of the songs that you haven´t dowloaded. If you want to do something about this horrible, unlivable, depressing state of offlineness, turn of your FLIGHT MODE, or use the Why-Fly to get access. Either you accept the terms of your situation and press OK or you chose to exit Spotify, possibly muting the track you are listening to (you will not know how this will play out, because, quite frankly, this machine does not cope very well with offlineness even though it happens every time you travel with it) entering THE SETTINGS. But, then, you are on your own. No, you do not want to deal with the ruleloving idiots of your phone also knowns as The Settings? Well, then. Press OK, you demanding you. I´ll be sure to give you these exact same options the next time you want to listen to Cali Swag Districs ´Disgusting´or find out if Baroness Blue album is still your favourite album of the decennial or you look at a photo of your daughter or make a note of Evernote or anything else that this machine can do for you. I´ll be here, waiting.”

Those few times I unhook my being from the web is when the captain tells me to on the flights, all though I am 100% percent convinced that having 145 phones turned on in a plane is just because the want to keep people quiet. And who can blame them?

So, when I hook on my constantly malfunctioning Bose Noise Cancelling ear buds to put on music, Spotify just have to remind me that I am not online. And I dont really mind being offline. I enjoy those hours hovering over the planet, but I feel that Spotify, a service I admire and love, should know this. I change tracks when I listen to music, I look for things in my offline synced playlists, I really listen, I put together my perfect soundtrack for that flight right there and then. Every effing time I pick up my phone, Spotify not only need to remind me that I am offline, but also that I can change my settings to sort this out.

Ah. The Settings…

One thing that really puts a pebble in my boxers is when I need to deal with The Settings. I mean, I do change them as soon as possible when I get a new device (no push notifications, no sounds, no geo, no access to data), but then I expect my device to know who I am and what I prefer after sliding all them levers to the green right or to the hell-no-grey. I find it hard to beleive that Spotify can´t know that I am now in flight mode, I´ve told this 14 times already on this flight! Spotify, or the phone, should also know that I am a man that knows when I am in flight mode I can´t access the web and, mother-effing hence, can’t access all of the tracks that is not downloaded to mye phone!

To deal with The Settings for one of the things that I do a lot (being on a plane) seems so futile, boring, frustrating and not worthy of my time. Not to mention if I am unlucky enough to download a new app: “Allow application X to scan your photos, contact list, remarket your ass on any app thats stupid enough to have display advertising AND send you push notifications?” Fuck no Mr. Iphone 6 (not S)!

I am connected. I like it, but it is not optimal.