Living up to others expectations but your own

When you grow up around people who are controlling, it is almost as if it is an instinct to let those people take control because of the acceptance we give them. As many times as one can listen, to please, to endear, to allow another’s control, that is when you can be taken for granted. In my case, I admit I have an issue of always trying to please others, which continues until this day. And it is not even about just pleasing but always listening and caring too much about what others will do or say. And the results, well… they are worthless and non-beneficial except for the person who likes to feed off your kindness. The reason why I believe it can be difficult to break from someone so toxic is because of the fear of rejection or resentment. If that is so, some may not even look back but if you are anything like me, you are hesitant.

But of course, why feel the need to appeal and please others when in reality it only makes you vulnerable. When I think of a time I always allowed someone’s control without realizing, was my best friend of fourteen years (hint: we are no longer friends, wonder why hmmm…). she is a great person but her flaws overshadowed others. She was controlling as long as I can remember and when we decided to move in with each other, it enhanced both of our characters. Things I did not see about myself and things I did not see about her. Regardless of the fact, if a friendship is solid living with one another should not be the cause of a fall out. The fact was, it wasn’t solid. She wanted to control the living situation up to what goes where to who sleeps where, etc. ( I know, she was too much). It got to a point where she thought it was okay to judge and be disrespectful. Like I already have accepted it for over a decade, I could no longer accept it then because I am getting older. But I think about why I dealt with it for so long; it is because of entitlement and again, allowing it to continue. Allowing control within a friendship that long, it basically becomes the “norm” and then comes the excuses made to defend the person like there is nothing wrong.

When it all came down to myself, I had a wake up call and it was the time to be selfish, to be the one in control. Once a controlling person sees that they are no longer in control that is when the tables turn. When that person saw me doing something for myself, the blame was put on me. And when I no longer let her control me, I know she is going to control how others see me but that is okay. Sometimes you just have to do what needs to be done and trust you did the right thing. Letting others control and judge who you are led to myself forgetting about how I expect myself to be not what others expect from me.