Love, as interpreted by me.
According to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, love is defined as:
1.) Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
2.) Attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
3.) Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.
I’m not completely sure either of these definitions are honestly quite to par. How can one define a feeling that makes a person feel secure and complete with solely 11 words or less? I’ve genuinely experienced different phases of “love” that taught me that love is more than what people, and myself, believe/believed it to be. In my opinion, a person must go through Infatuation, lust, hate, and forgiveness, before they know what true love can offer. I can say i have. For those who have gotten it right the first time, i am sincerely happy for you, though i am incredibly jealous, and wish i had found the love of my life a bit earlier than i did. Rebecca, I love you.
My first girlfriend. I was introduced to this girl by my mother (talk about arranged marriages, huh?). My mom worked with this very nice lady that insisted i met her niece because she was close to my age and that we would hit it off. So eventually we met at a Fourth of July party that their family hosts yearly. Water slides, barbeques, fireworks, the whole shebang. There i met her and her friend. At the end of the day i was more interested in her friend than i was her (as bad as it sounds, purely from looks, and she was also interested in me. Which after a few weeks of texting the original girl, it put me in the wrong. i was young and infatuated, and old enough to admit it now, haha). The 3 of us got into a delightful discussion and i hadn’t spoken to either for a few weeks. After the whole situation passed, myself and the original girl continued talking, moved passed the whole shin-dig and eventually started dating. At this point i did not own a vehicle, and neither did she, and living 30 minutes to an hour away made it a bit difficult for us. Her mom would pick me up on weekends and i’d spend them with her family and her. It worked fine for a few months, enough to make me “love” her, but then i started getting home later and later, leaving my family upset about it at home. After a month or so of me breaking my fantastic not-so-cinderalla curfew of 9:00PM, i was no longer allowed to go over. We went maybe less than a month before we started arguing about not being able to see each other and eventually she broke it off. I thought i loved this girl and thought this was the end of the world. After a few weeks i was over the situation and stayed single for about another year. Infatuation.
My second girlfriend. I met this girl on the bus my sophomore year, she was an incoming freshman and I was immediately captivated by her bright green eyes. Little did i know this relationship would fail. Miserably. I met her as things were ending with the 2009 girl and she had gotten over a terrible relationship herself. She would always ask me if things never worked out with me and 2009, to give her a try. So i did. The first few months were great, we were inseparable and were great friends, and i eventually loss my virginity to her. Some may call me a late bloomer but i wanted to wait for the right girl as corny as it may seem. Hang outs, just turned to fucks and resulted in less and less actual communication and as we continued on for months, all we did was argue. She was “diagnosed” as bipolar, as well as a list of other conditions that forced her to take a plethora of medications and after so much arguing and being lied to, i couldn’t handle it, and i cut it off. I later found out that her parents had been “mis-diagnosing” her? (not too sure how that works, although i am sure its just another lie, but it doesnt matter, now). Lust.
After we broke up i thought that was it. Easy and done. Wrong. about 3 weeks afterwards, teachers began approaching me, telling me to stop communicating to her and her parents. My response was immediately, “what are you talking about?” which was followed with “we were told that you continuously text her and her mom, harassing.” and continued to warn me with actions that were going to be taken with the school commandant (i went to a military academy, so Principal for regular schools). I was immediately insulted and me being the oh-so-tactical man i am, took the liberty to print off ALL my text messages and calls (to avoid any curve-balls that could possibly be thrown my way) and took it straight to the school disciplinarian and confronted him. I told him of the absurd comments teachers were saying to me, as well as what 2010 was saying. I had not messaged/texted/called since we broke up and he knew i was in the right. He said he would take care of the unprofessional teachers and call her in. An incident like this could have easily had me kicked out of the academy and thankfully, the whole thing was avoided. I learned that she was more crazy than anything and wanted nothing to do with her. Hate.
Up to this point i remained single and became interested in another girl. I’ve known this one for about a year through her sister and we became best friends, eventually knowing we both had feelings for each other. Though we never officially claimed anything, we knew, as well as everyone else, that we were dating. Knowing i was leaving for the Marines, we just took things slow. I took her to prom where we got our first kiss and things were great. Absolutely no issues minus the fact i was a senior leaving, and she was a sophomore going into Junior year, and this boy that was in her life that i had a bad feeling about, though i was continuously told i had nothing to worry about. I left for Recruit Training, and got an “unofficial” Dear John letter roughly a month before i graduated. She claimed she didn’t want any boyfriend distractions for her most important year of high school and that she didn’t want to hold me back once i graduated from Recruit Training. Unfavorable timing to say the least, but i didn’t let it affect my goals in becoming a U.S Marine and i continued to graduate.
Graduation day, as we drove the 12 hour drive north to my humble abode, in Delaware, i saw her Facebook page, and she had been dating a new guy for just about a month since i was still in Recruit Training. It was the “dont worry about him” guy. What a plot twist!! Well, it felt like a slap across the face, but after everything i had just accomplished, it didn’t bother me. It was more closure if anything and i forgave, and moved on. No hard feelings. Forgiveness.
August, 2013-Current Day
Now, I continued to stay single for over a year of my enlistment, since I hadn’t found someone who could handle my lifestyle. August of 2013, through Social Media, Instagram to be more exact, i met the love of my life. Life has a weird way of weeding people out and bringing in others. A fitness post caught my eye and i commented on it with the hopes she would reply back to me. Little did i know that she was going to, and with our first conversation, i was informed she was interested in joining the Marine Corps. That threw me off and immediately caught my attention. Again, being the oh-so-tactical guy that i am, obtained her cell phone number to discuss why she wanted to join. (Also a score in my playbook because she was a beauty.) I eventually talked her out of joining, and through time, our personalities meshed together, and we became closer, and closer. I went home on leave in September for about 11 days and barely spoke to her. I wanted to test the waters and see what would happen if we randomly stopped talking. I wanted to ensure this was legit considering every other relationship hadn’t worked and i have never had one that started purely from social media. I spoke about her to some of my closest guy friends and they seemed to like her as well, so when i arrived back to California, i began to talk to her more and more and we became as inseparable as we could be, considering we had not met in person, yet. I went to the field In Yuma, AZ for about a month from September-October, and throughout that entire month, she handled it pretty well. We exchanged the occasional Snapchats and Texts whenever service was available and once the field op was over, we began planning to meet. I was still a little nervous because we hadnt facetimed or anything yet and i wanted to make sure she was real. No want of a Catfish situation haha. We had our first Facetime and we legitimately hit it off and i knew she was for me, though i had some news that i was almost sure would make her change her mind of us; I was deploying to Afghanistan for 7 months, minimum. Naturally, she was not happy, but she took it very well and she still wanted to pursue us. Through time, and daily Facetimes, i gained trust in her and we met in person in December.
She says it best as she says that she can count with less than 2 hands, the total amount of days we have spent together in person, but our bond is so much stronger than an immeasurable amount of days. In January we made things official, and now, 8 months later, i am just about to returned from this deployment and i love this girl more than words can describe. Through these last 7 months, as a team, we have grown so much and through distance, we developed a mental knot that wont be undone.
Now, this post was intended to describe what i interpret love to be. Trust, communication, mental and physical attraction, as well as a good sense of humor and commonalities are all required to succeed in a happy relationship. As things progress, you will become financially tied to each other, whether its the occasional gift or when your partner is in need, but that is not an intimidating thing because what you would do for the person you love, would be returned by them if you needed it.
Future goals is another thing that tends to break couples. If you both have a different view of the world, regardless if its about the number of children you insist on having, or on job opportunities, you need to listen to your significant other and determine whether its a match for you. Some things are worth sacrificing, so choose wisely. I’m no love-guru, by no means. But i do support what Rebecca wants to do with her future as she currently studies in college. She’s sacrificed a lot while i have been deployed overseas and i could never repay her.
Finding her was honestly, luck. But i am truly grateful for finding her because she has taught me a lot of things that i couldn’t exchange for anything tangible.
I now look forward to getting our second first-kiss and spending those initial days upon my arrival to the states.