Taking the Dive
I’m finally ready to take the plunge into this thing called writing…
I’ve procrastinated long enough. I’ve developed and refined my thoughts far beyond the bounds of what would probably be considered sufficient. Despite the fear I still have, I’m ready to make the leap forward. It’s probably reasonable to describe this process as a small step rather than a leap. But regardless of the size, I’m excited to be moving forward.
Escaping the prison of self-criticism
I’m not the kind of person with a natural certainty of my own abilities. I’m the kind of person who is quick to see my own limitations, shortcomings, and biases. I then spend a significant amount of time in my own head seeking to understand and overcome them. I often doubt the legitimacy of my views and the purity of my motives. I question my understanding, intelligence, and competency. This examination leads me to push further and further along a seemingly infinite loop of analysis that never makes it out on paper. The circular refinement of my thoughts has been where I’ve lived for years. My functional motto has been, think before speaking. Such a motto, while good in principle, is detrimental unless it is proceeded by the caveat: You should speak eventually! Otherwise, you become a prison for your own thoughts, banishing them to the dark abyss of your own self-criticism.
There is one simple question that has allowed me to escape from this cycle of doubt:
What if someone is helped by my writing?
It doesn’t silence my self-criticism, it doesn’t negate the fears or my tendency towards perfectionism. Instead, it renders these things irrelevant. Is it tolerable that my thoughts are not completely refined? Is alright if I miss an angle or counterpoint? Is it acceptable if my reasoning misses a few steps and I have to change my mind or reevaluate my argument? To answer “yes” to any of these questions is to accept my own human limitation. To answer “no” is to believe in human inerrancy, quite a fantasy! Accepting my own limitations and being humble enough to admit them, frees me to speak without fear. My ability to write is not contingent on the premise that I write everything perfectly.
The Value of Writing
Living in doubt and fear becomes detrimental because I, along with every single person on earth — have something valuable to share with the world. This valuable gem is experience. Each person’s experience is unique, and therefore valuable to the collective wisdom of all. If my writing helps someone, encourages them, or imparts some wisdom that may ease some of the pain and suffering of Being, then isn’t it all worth it? If my imperfect writing is the catalyst by which someone can change themselves for the better and make the world a better place, then does it matter if I used the perfect words? If my writing changes someone’s life for the better, is it worth taking the risk of being wrong?
Conversely, Maybe my writing won’t change anyone. Maybe there will be no tangible impact from what I have to share. Even so, there is still a personal advantage to simply writing my own thoughts. The brain is only capable of so much when it has to store and analyze at the same time. There is great value in making your thoughts tangible.
The internet is a cacophony of information. Is there any reason for anyone to spend more than 3 seconds reading anything? Is it even worth attempting to make an impression on anyone? Does being irrelevant negate the value of sharing? I firmly believe that every person has a unique story to tell. Everyone has Nuggets of Truth they can share with the world. None of us are perfect. But each person has a unique perspective that no one else does. There is so much value and wisdom in listening.
Unique, Not Exceptional
At the same time, there is also a caution. My identity and value cannot be attached to my ability to make an impact on the world, or my impression of others. If I do this, then I am bound for frustration and disappointment. If I begin to define myself as someone who will influence the world through my writing, then my sense of worth will come crashing down when I fall short of those lofty expectations. I’m unique, but not exceptional. There are plenty of people who can write much better than I can with more refinement and finesse. Perhaps, more than I ever will. My identity can’t be in my abilities. Neither can it be in my ability to understand things perfectly before writing. My identity needs to be outside of things that are dependent on me. If I put my faith in my own ability or others to fulfill my expectations, then I am running headlong toward the cliff of my own inadequacy; jumping off flapping my arms expecting to fly.
The repercussions will be severe.
Therefore, It’s with a steady hand that I submit my thoughts for you to read. Slow, methodical, contemplation will be my companion. I hope you join me on the adventure! Perhaps it may help you. (I sincerely hope it does!) Perhaps it won’t. But if you continue to read, I want to sincerely thank you for taking the time to listen. There are countless other things that you could be reading, watching, or listening to, but you have chosen to spend some of your limited time hearing my ideas, critiques, analysis, and opinions. Thank you!
I would value your thoughtful response and constructive criticism. Every time I hit the word publish, I remember that I am fallible and always need to be ready to listen and possibly change my mind. I would be grateful if you are the person who tells me if my writing has helped you, or if it hasn’t, and where I can do better.
I don’t speak perfectly. My arguments aren’t perfectly formulated — Neither is anyone else’s. And we have to say what we have to say badly, or we won’t be able to think at all - Jordan B. Peterson
Originally published at http://joshkoiro.wordpress.com on April 30, 2021.
