2 Questions for the lawmaker who said women should bring their husbands breakfast in bed every Sunday

Dear Rep. Bernie Satrom, Republican state representative in North Dakota,

Thank you for your insightful explanation that your state’s Blue Laws should remain in effect because on Sunday mornings a woman should be making her husband breakfast, “bringing it to him in bed, and then after that go take your kids for a walk.”

You certainly have a point. After spending an entire week vacuuming the house in high heels, there’s no greater way for a woman to celebrate a Sunday than to primp, powder, soak her hands in Palmolive, and then bake a fresh batch of pancakes, topped with cream she whips up with one hand while frying bacon with the other.

I know of one wife who especially deserves to engage in such relaxing activity, because spends all week with the additional burden of hiding her witchcraft powers from the prying eyes of her neighbor Gladys Kravitz.

Still, I have a couple of questions. First, what shall a man do if the coffee his wife makes is so terrible it’ll kill the petunias?

I suppose she could call one of the gals for some help, but I’m not sure she’d know how to use that darned telephone.

Still, as your colleague Rep. Vernon Laning pointed out, this is of course better than the only possible alternative. “I don’t know about you but my wife has no problem spending everything I earn in six and a half days. And I don’t think it hurts at all to have a half day off,” he informed your state’s House of Representatives.

That brings me to my second question. I’ve been told that in some cases now, there are — and I’m not sure what you call them — women who make money for the family? And even some men who stay home, care for the children, and do cooking and cleaning? Of course, I haven’t seen this. It’s probably only visible to those who see things in technicolor. And as President Donald Trump says, it happens because “there’s a lot of women out there that demand that the husband act like the wife.”

In those cases, what shall the plan be? Does he have to serve her breakfast in bed? And what in the dickens is he supposed to wear? The newfangled get up I saw a cleaning man in?

Heavens to Betsy.

I anxiously await your insight and guidance.


Your fellow anachronism