Recently, my Dale Carnegie teammate, mentor, and friend Doug Stewart and I have been having a lot of discussions about humanity. Often times one of us will notice a living example of our luscious, thought-provoking, sometimes mic dropping conversations out in the real world and we immediately grab the phone to inform each other about this truth we’ve just witnessed.
After about 3 minutes of our enriching volley of words, it begins to feel much like preaching to the choir. 😆 In the best way of course. It energizes us because of the professional work we GET TO participate in every day.
Each time, Doug will challenge me with a deeper way to think about it, and I’ll throw down a challenge thought to keep the topic of “how humans wish to be treated” in a simple analogy, digestible form (a simple southern guy from TN style 😉)
Inevitably, our conversations are laced with the truths around people just want to be
Affirmed they are Important
Offered a seat at the table of decision making (especially when it comes to decisions that involve them!)
Allowed to be themselves
We are not robots programmed to perform according to someone else’s desire. We don’t simply comply 100% if we don’t have a sense of respect, value, or importance in our organization.
Machines don’t care about those. We do though. They matter big time!
Would you agree?
Is it so difficult for us to carry out these simple acts listed above, consistently, so people around us feel them and want to perform on our teams?
YES IT IS!
At least all the time it is.
Let’s dive into WHY it’s so difficult to treat other people the way we would like to be treated.
Do you have a TON of stuff to accomplish in VERY little time today? How about tomorrow?
Are there uncertainties hovering around your world like a group annoying flies (interrupting your productivity with each buzz by)?
Does it feel like no matter how much you do that your efforts go unnoticed?
Does it feel, sometimes, like the thing you’re working on right now is not going to be a success?
I’m with you! You’re not alone!
In fact, I had several of those types of days this week…all in a row…
So, of course, it’s difficult to treat other people outside of our headspace with value, listen to them, give them space to express! We have a lot to deal with internally.
If you’ll indulge me for just a brief moment. What would happen if we counterbalanced this dilemma with two questions:
What would I lose if I didnt treat this person (insert name) with respect and listen to them?
What will I gain when I treat this person (insert name) with respect and listen to them?
Here’s the rub… Only you can answer that for that particular relationship. If we are honest with ourselves, and we often are, we have a lot more to gain than lose by treating them as we wish to be treated.
Recently, a friend of mine named Will sent me a Facebook message just after he finished reading a Dale Carnegie book on his military deployment…
“Dude, this book is great! The principles are so simple. I love the stories he used to demonstrate them in action. It’s too simple though. Treat other people how you’d like to be treated. Just be a good person! But why do we as people have a hard time doing just that?”
Because we are human…
Often times our world’s are so jammed packed with stresses piled so high it would intimidate Mt. Everest 🏔️ that we forget the fact that other people around us are going through their own mountain of stresses too. It’s like our stresses act as blinders blocking out our full complete vision of what’s really going on around us.
This leads to damaged relationships at home and at work which leads to decreased cooperation. AND… If not remedied early enough we experience full separation of shared thoughts, ideas, vision, collaboration, and unified effort with that other person resulting in standing on opposing sides of the field from each other.
So how can we cut this off before a massive WEDGE drives itself between us?
We take a set of Principles we believe in, we subscribe to and we commit to putting them into practice CONSISTENTLY. Inside the Dale Carnegie Training Program “Skills for Success” participants are introduced to a set of Principles which are individual and operational versions of the Golden Rule “Treat others how you wish to be treated.”
What Mr. Carnegie discovered over 106 years ago, by studying massively successful people, were methods in which each of them lived out the Golden Rule. Their results were huge success in their personal relationships, their work, and their health. For 106 years now, these methods are introduced in the “Skills for Success Program”. People grapple with the ones that fit them and their specific world in a safe environment, then demonstrate them out in the real world where it truly matters. Today their results are stronger self-confidence, better relationships, more cooperation from others, better leadership skills and reduced stress.
One of the major take-aways I’ve gained from participating in the program is Empathy. Empathy has never been something that I have been naturally gifted with. It was something I didn’t pay attention too because I was mostly only focused on what I wanted. I was only focused on what I needed out of other people for my own reasons, not theirs.
That was until I after I committed to the Principles I learned and practiced in the Dale Carnegie “Skills for Success Program” Program. By making that commitment and sticking with it consistently I’ve been able to shed the old version of me and greet the world with a new, more empathetic version which the world responds MUCH better to.
An additional beautiful gift is I get to watch other people experience the same results in their own world too! It’s worked for 106 years, so of course, it’s going to work for them! 😄
Here is how I view Empathy now…
It’s the difference between:
Why didn’t _____ get accomplished?
Why didn’t _____ get accomplished? Are you OK? Is everything going ok with you?
See the difference?
When we can switch our focus from performance focus to people focus we allow ourselves to see the bigger, complete picture. We don’t know what’s going on in someone’s personal life until we ask. Then with that new insight, we gain a better understanding of what might be holding them back.
Results…people see you have their best interest in mind and they WANT TO cooperate with you.
Overall, just remember we’re human. We are not going to get it 100% correct 100% of the time. Give yourself, and others, grace then pick back up and try again.
Have a stellar day!
To Your Success,
Talent Development Specialist
Share to shine value in someone else’s world today ☀️😃