It’s not easy being me. To be more specific, it’s not easy being me, Fabio Lanzoni, famously gorgeous Italian model/actor/superstar. Twenty years ago I was on top of the freaking world — on the cover of every great romance novel, spokesman for the legendary I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! brand, adored by men and women alike… Life was Molto Bene!
But then things got complicated. The money started pouring faster than I knew what to do with it, and all of my personal relationships turned to shit, practically overnight. I was lost and afraid and ridiculously handsome, so I did what anyone would do in the given situation — I turned to drugs, and I mean the hard ones. I won’t get into the exact details, but let’s just say things got Davvero Pessimo.
Luckily, I’ve been clean for the past two years, and I’ve been trying to piece my handsome life back together. Some days are good, some days aren’t, but mostly I just hover somewhere in the middle. Today was one of those days.
My shrink said I should try keeping a diary, so here we are. He also goes on and on about the power of positive thinking, so I’m gonna give it a shot. Tomorrow is going to be the first day of the rest of my sexy life. You hear that, World? Fabio’s down but he certainly isn’t out, and when I wake up tomorrow I’m going to turn everything around.
Saluti,
Fabio
As the light from outside trickles into my bedroom, I awake from my deep, masculine slumber. (Scene Setter)
Today’s the day, Fab. Getting out of bed is actually not that difficult for once, which is a nice change. (Portrait)
Just a quick morning shower! It sure does take a lot of hair products to perfect my silky smoothness, but damn is it worth it.
The restaurant was out of Red Powerade, which is my favorite. On any other day, this would have ruined my breakfast and sent me back to my room to brood for a few hours. But not Today. Blue Powerade, while still objectively inferior, is good enough for this new Fabio. On to the rest of my day!
Yeah, I took an elevator instead of the stairs today, what of it? This new Fabio doesn’t have the ceaseless urge to show off to others. I know that I work hard to maintain this delectably chiseled bod and that’s the only thing that matters. (Texture)
This building was very pretty, so I decided to take a photo with it! The old Fabio would have never taken the time to look around and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. I will cherish this photo for years to come. (Perspective)
I was enjoying a leisurely afternoon stroll, humming “Funiculì, Funiculà” by Luigi Denza, when I saw something that stopped me in my tracks. Who was this man, and why did he look so strikingly handsome? Part of me wanted to turn around and just walk away, but I knew I had to uncover the truth.
No, it can’t be, is that… Fabio? Wuh… How… What the fuck is going on? I’ve tried shouting to this mystery man in an attempt to get some goddamn answers, but he either has no interest in talking to me or cannot hear me from his side of the window. He must be an impostor; this has to be some elaborate plot orchestrated by the dastardly loan shark Don Bellissimo (I swear, I never meant to disrespect his daughter!!!)! But what if this guy isn’t fake, what if he’s somehow… No. I will not entertain that possibility. I have the strong urge to leave now, so I am going to run away from this building and never think of this moment again. (Symmetry)
What does it mean to be? I never asked to be born, just as I never asked to be devilishly good looking. But yet I am here, I am sexy… I simply am. This scenic pond is helping me reflect after what just happened, but I am not sure I want to be left alone with my thoughts. I am starting to realize that I cannot remember any specific moments from my own childhood. Am I real? Was he real? Is anyone? If I jumped into this pretty ocean in front of me, would I drown? Would it hurt? I am going to leave before I have the chance to find out, although I’m pretty sure that it would most likely hurt. Goodbye, large puddle.
What a day. I hope tomorrow the restaurant has more Red Powerade, which is my favorite. (Light)