TED CRUZ IS AN ALIEN, Part II

Two of two Ted Cruz-related minisodes I wrote on Facebook in response to his weirdness. First, watch this:

INT. CAMPAIGN CAR — DAY

TED CRUZ climbs into the back seat of the car. He looks pleased, but like how a mannequin from the 80s looks pleased. His AIDE gets into the opposite seat. TED CRUZ stares out the window silently for a moment, his face completely blank, save for that weird wince-smile he always has. The car begins leaving the rally.

AIDE
(clears his throat)
Mr. Cruz.

TED CRUZ
Yes, Jack.

AIDE
Today, at the rally, ah … did you say … basketball “ring”?

TED CRUZ
I’m sorry?

AIDE
At the rally. You pointed at a basketball hoop, but you called it a “ring”.

TED CRUZ
(pause)
Did I?

AIDE
Yes.

TED CRUZ coughs lightly, undoes his tie a little.

TED CRUZ
Well, Jack, in the moment, you know, sometimes you get words mixed up.

AIDE
Sure.

TED CRUZ
I — I knew, a hoop, yes, I knew that. A basketball hoop.

AIDE
Right.

TED CRUZ
A hoop. Hoop.
(he mouths the word silently a couple of times)
Hoop. That’s a funny word. Hoop. Hoop. Hewp. Huh. How many times do you hear the word “hoop,” Jack? In your life.

AIDE
Not often.

TED CRUZ
Not often, yes. I’d say I barely hear it. So it could easily slip the mind.

AIDE
I guess.
(beat; nervously)
But, I mean, the term “basketball hoop,” it’s basically one word at this point. “Basketball hoop.” To describe that specific object, I mean, nobody, nobody calls it a “ring.” Nobody follow “basketball” with “ring,” you kn — I’ve never — I mean, I played ball in high school, college, nobody, I can’t think of a single person —

TED CRUZ
(abruptly, loudly)
Beautiful day out, isn’t it?

Beat. The AIDE shrinks back a bit.

AIDE
Yes, sir. Beautiful.

The car drives on. TED CRUZ continues staring out the window and mouthing, “hoop,” “hoop,” “hoop.”

Show your support

Clapping shows how much you appreciated Josh Belville’s story.