The Paradox of Love

Learn to maneuver in this challenging venture

Photo credit to the owner

As emotions are pervaded in the senses of what we ought to feel, we freely act on innate instinctive impulses in an equilibrium that has one compelling reason: to desire. But is to desire to love? Is to love to desire? When the need — the focal intention — becomes conscious reason to function on an implication though there is no guarantee, there is much more to experience than satisfying our biological needs. In the emotional expression to be united with someone, most have been lost in confusion with the eagerness to sustain love in selfless fashion, coinciding with the selfishness that desire must conquer.

Love — for what it could bring. It drives meaning to almost everything: the love for our work, the love for someone, the love for certain philosophies. The power of this affection can be the conspiring stirring wheel of your life for what its worth — a shifter of paradigm, a filler of purpose. It is not an emotion, for it is utterly stable and unaffected by any emotion. Emotion — a thrill-seeker, a result of circumstances and of the imagination in play. A desire lingers in emotion’s way, to want, to seek and to acquire. It is love that tells us that it is he who sets for fulfillment who yearns not for love, but for desire, with the sense of satisfaction thereof.

The human instinct tells us that we are meant to connect, catering what we are as individual identities and what part of ourselves do we want to share with others. This protocol of sharing inhibits the ego’s sense of participation with the comprehension we have as sexually-aggressive, procreating Homo sapiens. This consciousness gives concept to the actuality that even with desire fighting our conscience, we can find assurance and genuineness in the plight of the heart’s playful and selfish needs.

As humans, we are practically set out in the wild, relying on either instinct or logic. These neuro-cognitive fundamentals have encroached on an exploration that finds a deeper meaning for living. The living nature we have sets us apart from other species when we consider the need to love. The poetics of love is embedded on three brain systems: lust, romantic love and attachment. As these brain systems have evolved into being autonomous from one another, it is therefore possible to be in love with more than one person, and to have the desire to attain fulfillment in the other two systems be, ironically, inseparable. This notion to how we treat and respond to relationships has also led to the essence of viewing love in a long-term scenario, not anymore as a quick experience done for solitary existence. Encompassing most people’s desire for mystery — the what-ifs, the unknown — creates excitement, concomitant with the imagination, which in this generation, the kind of roller coaster we ought to ride in.

In the performance of love, there is a feeling of cosmic union, hence why casual sex is not so apathetic; you can fall in love with someone you are just having a lustful affair with. But this setup circumscribes the essence of reciprocity, protection, worry, and responsibility — what real love needs. This discrepancy between the reaction of our brain system with our emotions create fear and tension, an oxymoronic need for connection and separation, security and adventure, togetherness and autonomy, all of which desire cannot provide simultaneously.

As this desire is a passion on the erotic mind which speaks of jealousy, possessiveness, power, aggression, dominance, naughtiness and mischief, the ability to stay connected in one’s own self in the presence of another is hardly attainable. This dilemma is an ongoing battle between selflessness and selfishness that is experienced by two lovers. The passion to satisfy desires and the feelings love associate with sometimes depend on creating the sense of “erotic space” that is needed for sexual privacy. It then starts as a guiding veil to demystify the myth of spontaneity — the surrendering of faith to imaginations, the waiting for desires to come true.

Needless to say, creating purpose, imagination, playfulness, curiosity, and mystery in our romantic affairs is the bigger challenge to face. It is willful, it is intentional. Committed love is premeditated love, in which foregoing a part of thyself in order to not lose the other is of equal importance with the ability to understand erotic intelligence.

About The Author: Josh L. Domantay discovered his devotion to writing after serving as a journalist then managing editor for his college’s official school paper and publications. His writings are addressed to provide inspiration for catch-all problems we can tag with the question “How can I become better?” and explanations for making sense out of society and our collective consciousness. Publications are reflection of anecdotal encounters and accrued readings about behavioral economics, self-help, and spirituality.