Cranberrogance, Rewining, and Stuffobia: The New Glossary of Thanksgiving
From avoiding the food allergies of guests to perfecting your wine pairings, Thanksgiving has become complicated. Here’s the vocabulary we need now to navigate contemporary celebrations of this classic holiday feast.
A gluttonous Thanksgiving meal preceded by a period of anticipatory fasting.
A haughty preference for homemade cranberry sauce over canned.
To worry that your turkey will turn out parched.
The (potentially salmonella-laden) spray of turkey bacteria in the kitchen sink area caused by rinsing a turkey.
The act of sourcing naturally-raised, free-range, organic, heirloom turkeys. See also: BALLERS: Those perfectly content with a Butterball turkey.
Male cooks with a predilection for deep-frying their turkeys.
At a buffet dinner, the technique of queuing up behind fast-moving guests and avoiding slowpokes. Sorry, Gramps.
A friendsgiving for dudes. Give thanks, brah.
A feeling of acute anxiety over which wines best pair with turkey and sweet potatoes.
Cooks who insist on cooking the turkey in parts in order to ensure even cooking of dark and white meat. Antonym. INTACTIVISTS: Traditionalists who prefer their turkeys served whole.
Dusting off and serving wines gifted at last year’s Thanksgiving.
A Thanksgiving meal devoid of all dairy, meat, gluten, nuts, and fun.
The belief system or ideology that supports trussing.
The fear of undercooked stuffing and the possibility of contracting food poisoning.
Riding the post-Thanksgiving buzz caused by ingesting the tryptophan in turkey meat.
Incorrectly using sweet potatoes in recipes that require yams.