Are We Masc Enough?
We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a bar, club, fancy restaurant, or the elusive gridnr, whether on a date or on the prowl, we all get asked that same question: are you masc?
It’s almost become the norm to define one another by our masculinity. If we don’t know how masc we are, it’s almost as bad as saying we’re feminine. Spoiler alert, I fall into that category.
But regardless, what at first may seem to be an innocent inquiry that can help to define someone’s personality, is really just another of the many underlining ways that the gay community does to segregate themselves.
So tell me: Is it right that we choose to segregate ourselves in the name for compatibility? Or isn’t true compatibility found by differences.Traditionally speaking, some believe that in a relationship, there tends to be someone more dominant and someone that’s more submissive. That’s not to say there can’t be a relationship that has an equal partnership. And if anything, the LGBT community has been a prime example in making that a norm. But even in these aspirational partnerships, there tends to be that person that makes the decisions and the one that goes with the flow.This also goes along with the old adage of “opposites attract”. However, with the ever present search for a “masc” partner, this saying may be on it’s way to the endangered species list. The many men that ask if you are masculine or feminine are indeed going against this saying (unless they’re a masc guy looking for a fem guy). And for many people nowadays, having someone similar in background, education, physicality, personality, and values is important. But really, as far as similarity goes, the only important thing to have in common is ones core values: what drives you as a person and causes you to make the decisions you do.
Whatever the case we’re already a small part of the world population, but we as a community have the most ways to segregate and define one another: Bear, jock, twink, geek, otter, leather, daddy, etc. Nowadays, defining ourselves by our body types isn’t enough; we need to segregate ourselves into a “masc” or “fem” category.
We can argue day and night whether or not this characterization is really as bad as we make it out to be. Because ultimately, if we aren’t attracted to someone because they lean more on the feminine side or vice-versa then that really can’t be our fault.
But as we all know, that isn’t entirely the case. When it comes down to it, we shouldn’t be categorized and then judged. It’s similar to how people categorize us as gay and then presume certain qualities and lifestyles’ associated with a stereotypical gay man. Yes, there will always be those that fall in that stereotype, but as we have so often seen, the stereotype is not always true. Straight people are rarely judged on how they will act for being straight, so why should gay people have to?
This is because, as we so often see among women, gay men can be each other’s worst enemies. We have all these labels in order to categorize ourselves so we can efficiently judge someone without needing to get to know them. If we know someone is a fem a twink, but our type tends to be a masc jock, then we don’t need to interact with them. Why bother when it’s just a waste of our time?
Well, we bother because you never really know a person until you actually take the time too. As we so often discover, first impressions are often wrong. Someone that may not normally be your type on the outside, could quite possibly be “the one” after you get to know them. We all know men tend to be more visual then women, but visuals are not what make a relationship. It’s compatibility, trust, communication, chemistry, understanding, and the comfortably that allows someone to be vulnerable even when we so often hate putting our hearts on our sleeves.
Love cannot be defined, categorized, and labeled. Yes, it can be serendipitous, exhilarating, and beyond words, but it also must be worked for. The saying “love can conquer all is true, but not completely. In order to keep the flames of passion burning, they must be fanned. If left on their own, they will die out. That’s not to say we can’t be in a passionate love with someone similar to us, but it might be easier or more interesting with a few differences.
We’ve all been guilty of “I like this person, but he’s not my type.” Well if we like him, why not give him a chance? We’ve all been judged, either for not being a particular race, ethnicity, or height, but do we really have to go so far as to judge each other based on what society says how a male and female typically act?
If we did, then technically we shouldn’t be out of the closet and be free to have the lives we could only dream of or pursue in the traditional sense. Believe it or not, society can be wrong, and so can the labels. We may never be attracted to a masc guy or vice-versa, but how do we now if we constantly tell ourselves we aren’t?
Ultimately, we all lie somewhere in the middle. Maybe the extremes are to much to handle, but when the extremes of either side are far and few in-between, the chance of finding that special someone might be more likely if we became more open minded.
Think about it, if we judge one another solely based on our characteristics, how does that make us different than the people that still judge us? I think it’s only fair to stay open-minded with one another, considering we ask America and the rest of the world to do the exact same thing for us.